i have been an observer for a while here.
i would like to meet a former female jw late 20's early 30's and get to now her for a close relationship.
i have always known i was bisexual.
Well This seems safe enough, I can understand the issue of being Bi. I my self am
a Pre-Operaive Transsexual. My Ex who is still in the Org Outed me to the elders,
that was a very intresting conversation. I wish you all the luck in your newly found freedom
Deanna
well, i damn near put my foot in it this evening.
a friend of mine who is well aware of my continuing friendship with a jw (now allegedly ex-jw) told me i should meet an ex-jw that he knows.
i felt pretty excited about meeting an ex-jw face to face as i've longed for a chance to speak honestly with someone who knows the organization well and my friend isn't ready to really discuss the issues yet.
I can understand this womans perpective in trying to hold on to some aspect
of her spritural life. The issue of being gay in the truth, and the pressure
that will put on a person, can not be fully understood by a non gay person.
I while not gay in the strict term, can understan where she is at and why she
still holds on to her belief. I am transsexual and pretty much outed myself to my
P.O. His only responce was either I leave on my own accord or face a JC and be
DF'ed. I left sending them a letter stating why. At the same time I left all
that was in my past life in that letter. There are times I wish I could be
accepted but at the same time I remembered how uncomfort I felt befor transition
and the contempt I felt for some of the brothers in the treatment of women. With
that in mind I might have commited bodily harm on some overbearing brother.
Deanna Bryant
Free At last Free at last
I Thank God I'm free at last
i've been lurking around this place for a good long while now, and i've even posted now and again under another handle, but i thought i'd start afresh and 'do it right' this time by making with the formal introductions.
i was going to post this in the friends forum, but i'm a little bit shy for that (it took me many months to make it as far as junior member - that's how shy i am, lol).. anyway, my story... i was born into the wt - my mother's been a baptised jw for over 30 years now, and my dad's been what i like to call a 'camp follower' for the same length of time - although the wt nearly did for me right at the start - there were complications prior to the birth which put mine and my mother's life in danger involving the blood issue (how an org which preaches against abortion and even the 'morning after pill' can effectively sanction the death of an unborn child and its mother for want of a transfusion is an outstanding piece of doublethink that never ceases to astonish me...).
my three older sibs (all wee ones when my mother was 'assimilated') went their way and did the 'sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll' thing for varying lengths of time (they're all now 'reassimilated'), while i remained the 'good boy' *slaps self round the head* .
I just joined this list and figured I would be honest about myself for once
and let all decide how and if they want to talk or not. To mome that opening line
seem a bit negative. Thoes of us here being a Witness have seen the negativity
on people that are different. For 35 years I was hiding a secret, one if I let see
the light of day, would distroy all that everyone had planed for me. It was not until
I was 38 and had been married for 20+ years that the truth or for that matter I had to
deal with my ailment or die. You see I was Diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria Or Gender Identity
Disorder. This was not the first time I had to deal with this issue, at 13 I had always
questioned why I felt so different. Well I would call the summer of my 13th year, the Summer
of discovery. I found a Text read ity from cover to cover. Did some research. At 13 Iwas reading
well with in college level. That summer I knew I had a problem but could do nothing to solve the
issue.
The Other shoe fell. Being a kid with free time in the summer, money was the issue, well the lack of.
I was put intouch with a mah that was looking for a helper. The pay was good 6.50/hr. Now in 1975 that was real
good money. Yes I took the job. It was working for a solar heating company. This was a chance for me to get exposed
to engineering and math and such and it I did. I enjoyed my work. There was a darker side to this. My employer
was a child molester. Here you have a youngster with gender issues add molestation = a big mess. I had sence enough
put the gender isses in a box and stow it safely away, and deal with the real issue, Rape and Molestation. My mother
was had a bible study at the time but I stayed away from her and that. The Woman that I woul d later marry and who
would bring me into the truth, helped me out of the molestation cycle. I did confide in her about my
deeply guarded secret . She said we would deal with it.
The Next 20 years would be spent as a provider and husband and Father. I figured I had betten the ailment. untill
I had a Re enlistment physical. THey found a minor problem. Their fix. You need to go on the fat boy program, oh well so I did
The Nest year I got out of the service and was emmersed into the life of a brother. But there was always the nagging feeling
of being uncomfortable. I put it away. The deaths of my Grand mothet and Father broke the bindings I had placed on that box
and the feelings long surpressed came out. My 35th year after going to assembly in tacoma I would get a
virus that would alter my life, and mark the begining of the end of my marriage. I got a cold a
common cold virus simple, but not when the infection moves to your heart. Undetected for months the problem
grew untill september/October of that year I suffered a heart attack.
The Dr that saw my X-Rays also moonlighted as the County Coroner. Roy looked at me and said
"You should be on my Table down stairs. Ok We found out what your problem is, we cant do anything about it.
We can Make you comfortable. What ????? I am sorry they said You will be dead in 6 months.
Well things went down hill I lost 18 months of my life. I remember our youngest son a baby. 18 months later
this young child eating Ice Cream at 630 am and me shooing him back to bed. You can say I woke up from a fog. Some how
something had changed. I had come back to a world that treated me for all practical purposes like a child.
I was told I could not do anything myself. At the same time I was forced to deal with my Dydphoria Head on.
Things Came to a Head. I would Be Outed at Work, I outed myself at home. The Conditions there was likend
to being unde house arrest. Depression set in and my will to live was going fast. I prayed and then decided
I no longe wanted to live. Well My oldest steped in.
I decided That I was going to beat the odds, So in January of 2000, I stated Theraphy to help me with my dysphoria.
That same month I started Hormone replacement. March of that year I was removed from my house with nothing but the
clothes on my back. She figured 2 weeks on the streets I would come back on my knees , I did not. May of that year
went to court and took my new name and have not looked back since. I did come out to the elders, but was given a choice.
DF or DA I choose the latter. I am being treated for a medical condition some may not see it that way and if not so be it.
I figure we all have to stand befor God Someday, and it is him alone that will judge me fit or unfit. Utill then The only
thing I can do is be the best godly woman I can be.
Respectfully
Deanna Lynnmarie Bryant
