Hope things work out, kid. I've got six of those little ones myself, and sometimes it strains a brain to figure out how to handle things.
Keep your chin up.
LoneWolf
LoneWolf
JoinedPosts by LoneWolf
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5
return of the prodigal
by Mommie Dark inthis morning my oldest son returned home after a month in the county pay-to-stay misdemeanor jail.
he got drunk and shoplifted a beer (and the little nit had money in his pocket when he did it!).
someone in the prosecutor's office decided to give him a break, and instead of a stint in the county pokey he got to go to the 'offender's country club', and, most importantly, he decided to try the alcohol rehab classes they offered.
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27
To Mommy (Wendy) & Prisca
by LoneWolf into wendy & prisca,.
you badly misjudged both my intentions and what i wrote.
isnt that exactly what ive been saying all along and the reason that i posted in the first place?
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LoneWolf
Still pouting, I see. But that's to be expected. (Prov.11:22)
As to the rest of your idiocies, it reminds me of the words of Rudyard Kipling in his poem "If":
"If you can see the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools. . . "And of course the saying we had when we were kids: "There's nothing stupider than a cow --- except two cows.
Shut up and sit down. Nobody's interested.
LoneWolf
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27
To Mommy (Wendy) & Prisca
by LoneWolf into wendy & prisca,.
you badly misjudged both my intentions and what i wrote.
isnt that exactly what ive been saying all along and the reason that i posted in the first place?
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LoneWolf
LOL. Can I call ‘em or what? Those two gals remind me of when I was a kid and we would go busting into the chicken house at a dead run. That was some of the most glorious pandemonium you ever saw, with chickens, feathers, and squawkin’ flying all over the place! Trouble is, if you do that too much to chickens, they’ll quit laying eggs.
There’s no danger here though! Do that to these two lovely ladies, and they not only lay eggs --- heck --- you can also count on brickbats, watermelons edgewise, and all kinds of good stuff! Hehehehehe!
To Mommie Dark
Let me add a little here on the serious side. You say that I’ve misjudged you. I would like to believe that. I’ve seen a few of your posts that were reasoned and logical and I thoroughly enjoyed them. Why you waste your time and talent on putting others down without giving them the benefit of the doubt is beyond me. You can do better than that.Wish I could say the same thing for Tina.
Now, could we move on to a topic that isn't about Mommie Dark's prejudices?
To Prisca
You write: “LW, I'm not interested in he said/she said. Life's too short.” Yeah, that’s for sure. And I wouldn’t bother except that there are over 1,400 people registered on this board and it looks to me like less than 1% post on it. Why? Partly because they want to stay anonymous as they are afraid of the Organization.However, I’d be willing to bet that there is just as many who won’t because they know blamed well that they too would get savaged by self-centered lunatics who care about nothing except glorifying themselves at other people’s expense.
Oh, and I didn’t accuse you of starting that thread on “Witnessing in the Nude.” I’m merely emphasizing what Mommy (Wendy) said: “This is not a game.”
To Mark,
Wal, it wasn’t like I wouldn’t speak to her or anything like that. It was more like anytime anyone got near her she’d have her defenses so far up that you felt you had to have a lawyer with you to say good morning.The thing was, she was like that to everyone. There were still my two brothers and two sisters here and they were all getting the same thing. The main difference was that they were trying to just endure it and didn’t know what to do. They finally had to give up, and that is what alarmed me. She was going to have a bitter, lonely, old age if things continued on as they were. I didn’t want that to happen.
You write: “I never distanced myself from her even though with her blinders tightly on she has distanced her self from me.” Precisely. And that will be the way that it will stay if you merely try being ‘nice’. I’m not encouraging disrespect here, rather, you need hers. You will need to gain her confidence in two things:
1. You will need to convince her that you will not bend where principle is involved, regardless of how mad she gets.
2. You will need to convince her that you have the self control to exercise honesty and fair play, especially when you are angry.
If you do not accomplish these two things, she will never gain the respect and confidence in you that she needs to trust you enough to open up. I sure hope you succeed. It’s a wonderful thing.
Peace and love to you too
To ianao (idiot class)
LOL on the support group. What would we name it? I’d like to have something a little more original that “Idiot’s Anonymous”. Any ideas?To Rochelle.
“The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.” That’s for sure. And I know you mean well too.You write: “Not everyone you meet will like, support, accept, agree with or even want or try understand you.” That’s just the point. I don’t give a hoot about the acceptance and friendship of people who would judge others on such flimsy evidence. It isn’t worth having. (Note my comment to Prisca above.) They want to make others miserable? Fine. What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. That silly feminist yammering means nothing to me. I’ve long since proven otherwise to those who count.
“So, why not just cut your (my) losses and move on to something else?” LOL. What losses? You should read my email!To Unanswered:
Thanks for the two cents. Rest assured you won’t find any enmity here. I may speak bluntly at times, but that by no means enmity. Rather, it is usually a result of anxiety for someone. Take care now, and I'm glad you found it encouraging. Keep your chin up, now.
LoneWolf
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LoneWolf
Right on!!! Give 'em a swift kick for me too.
Lonewolf
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4
Best of times, worst of times
by Mommie Dark inlife is so not black-and-white, either/or, us-versus-them!
life is such a rich pageant, such a glorious heady brew of perfume and musk and spice and manure and mold and rot, sometimes all in the same little experience!...i used to let this stuff make me crazy, trying to find the patterns, the meaning, the reasons for the absurd details of daily existence.
since i quit measuring everything against the big sovereignty/salvation yardstick, i try to just let things happen, and lately i'm delighted more and more at the quirky propinquity of good and bad in every experience.
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LoneWolf
Enjoyed you thoughts and agree totally. I've long felt the same.
Let me add one thing: About 150 years ago when I was a kid and took my first roller-coaster ride I made a mistake. I got to the top of that first tremendous rise, looked down, and put on the brake to look it over first. Of course, there was no brake. So here I go like a bat out of heck down that slope, stomping my imaginary brake, and ready to mess my pants. It was not fun.
That taught me a big lesson. There are a lot of things in life that we have no control over. Lean into them. Ride them for all they're worth. Pretend they are a sand worm on "Dune". That can change some of the most scary things into adventures and provide priceless experience.
Again, enjoyed your thoughts.
LoneWolf
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My Identity!
by qwerty inthat got you to read this!
what country are you from?.
i find it encouraging to see where different posters are from in the world, especially for me, if you are from the uk or europe.
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LoneWolf
Hello, battman,
While I'm not an expert on Rhode Island, I think I can safely say that no major ballteam is named the Rhode Island Reds. Of course, at the community college and highschool levels, who knows.
I do know though that a very popular breed of chickens have that name. They are a reddish brown and lay eggs prolifically.
LoneWolf
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Multiple Sclerosis and Me
by Esmeralda insince i posted in another thread mentioning that i have m.s.
and it came as a surprise.
to some, i just thought i'd clarify a bit.... this is why i am so lousy at answering e mail, guys!
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LoneWolf
Hey, Es ---
Sorry to hear about your MS. That's a nasty one. I love your comment about you having it but it not having you.
Thought I'd tell you something that might brighten your day a little.
My neighbor has been complaining for years now that he has an awful case of Diaphloogus of the Lower Ba-orgatory and that the only cure is to roll down a long flight of stairs, screaming loudly at each bounce, three times a day. Think maybe we could get our heads together and dream up a better cure?
LoneWolf
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I Lost My Heart When I Used My Mind
by messenger ini lost my heart when i used my mind.
it is a road many have traveled, an uncertain path wrought with fear and adversity, yet a journey that for many must be completed or they will never feel at peace.
when a person has heart, they may be described as motivated, a leader, a person who draws others to their cause.
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LoneWolf
Hi, messenger,
I think that so many of us feel like that. What has helped me along that line is the realization that down over the eons, there have been almost nothing but leaders that allowed their position to go to their heads, yet somehow Jehovah has manipulated them against their will to advance his purpose in one way or another. Look at Balaam.
The real question here is not human leadership. What's in your heart? Is it not the beauty that we saw in the teachings that we miss? The harmony in the Sermon on the Mount? Perhaps more importantly, do we still strive to live up to what we feel in our hearts is the right and loving thing towards our neighbors? If so, then perhaps not all is lost after all. I'll tell you why.
You may remember that Jehovah asked us for an answer. (Prov. 27:11) You may also remember that passage in the "Truth" book speaking of how a man's children could give an answer when he couldn't. When I read that, I realized that even then it would have to be only under special circumstances that they could do that. If the man himself was there, the answer would be useless, for all witnessing it would be wondering if the children answered of their own free will, or if it was influenced by the fear of what would happen to them later when he had them alone.
It looks to me like it would be only under the conditions that we find ourselves in now --- a time when we feel he is not there, a time we feel all alone --- that we could give an answer that would be valid.
Think about it for a while. And keep your chin up.
LoneWolf
Alias: Tom Howell -
27
To Mommy (Wendy) & Prisca
by LoneWolf into wendy & prisca,.
you badly misjudged both my intentions and what i wrote.
isnt that exactly what ive been saying all along and the reason that i posted in the first place?
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LoneWolf
To Wendy & Prisca,
I’m sorry you took my post that way. You badly misjudged both my intentions and what I wrote. Wendy, you say that this is not a game. Isn’t that exactly what I’ve been saying all along and the reason that I posted in the first place? Even in that last post I wrote these words:
“Secondly, there are some problems that cannot be solved by straightforward gentleness and decency. Sometimes a combination of things must be used to succeed when none of them will work singly. To illustrate, chlorine is a deadly poison. Those exposed to it can die. However, when combined with another deadly poison, sodium, it becomes salt, a substance that is necessary for life. At times it is necessary to use this principle in our lives and relationships. It is a delicate and dangerous thing and not to be used lightly.”
How could you draw from that that I am merely playing a game in order to have fun at other people’s discomfort? In no way do I wish to degrade anyone for their reactions. Nor is it any trick. Remember when King Solomon gave the command that the baby be cut in half, with one-half to be given to each mother? He neither intended to carry it out, nor did he wish to cause pain, but he did need to figure out who the real mother was. The only way he could determine that was by evoking responses in those women and then judging which would most likely come from a mother. It worked, and that is the important thing. It is this type of process of which I speak.
Let me explain now why I felt such a thing was necessary. In doing this, I will be doing the same thing you did earlier. I’ll be opening my heart and explaining things that have happened in my life that few others know of. These are things that have shaped my life, and that caused me untold heartache and grief for the first 45 years of that life. This is also one of those two other “buttons” that were pushed that I promised to explain at the end of the last post.
I love my mother dearly. She is in her 80’s now and quite frail. When I was a small child of about 2 or 3, she suffered a series of shocks that shook her to the very core. The first was losing her firstborn, a daughter, at the age of 6 months of whooping cough and pneumonia. This was before the days of antibiotics. I was born and then shortly after that another daughter came along. That one lived until the age of 18 months, then died of the same thing. Mom was already well along with her fourth when that second daughter died, and when he was born, she took out her grief by showering him with attention. As luck would have it, he was not a baby that liked to be cuddled and he would push her away. That was almost too much. But then something else happened between her and Dad (the details are not important, but it was not adultery) that changed her.
She became hard and bitter toward men and at life itself. Her approach to others became prickly and distant. It was almost exactly like that of Tina’s and Mommie Dark’s, as has been manifested ever since I got on this board. The main differences are that she never used profanity or the feminist argot. Of course, this was before the 60’s, so most of that terminology didn’t exist then. Also, she was distant to all, including other women.
We kids always knew that she loved us, but that distance was there and it affected us all. It left us with a feeling that she was behind a glass wall where we could see her and hear her, but could never touch her. Plus, she was obviously in distress and there was absolutely nothing we could do to come to her aid, as she wouldn’t allow us to come that close.
This built up over the years and caused all kinds of trouble, heartache and hard feelings. It was a home with a great deal of unhappiness and tension, but because of that distance and the resulting lack of information (therefore, a lack of understanding too) there was nothing we could put our finger on as to a cause. It was like fighting a dark cloud, a miasma of hurt and recrimination that floated around and touched everything. I’m afraid she got more than her share.
Personally, I found it agonizing. It nearly drove me crazy. When I left home, I left for good, hardly ever coming back for much of anything. I’d washed my hands of the whole thing.
Twenty years passed, and the time came when I could no longer stand that. I remembered how she had explained to me once of how people who have been hurt build walls around themselves in order to protect themselves from being hurt again. Having been married for 20 years and with 5 children of my own, I’d gained a much deeper understanding of these things.
By first hand experience I’d learned that those walls don’t protect us, for the painful things pass right through as easily as x-rays through skin. But, sadly, they do succeed in protecting us from the love that others try to express for us.
They also eliminate nearly any chance we may have of enjoying serendipity, for even if we do discover something good, we are usually too scared (and suspicious) to give it a chance. I had to move back and try to break down those walls and let her out of the prison that she’d been in so long. I had no hope of succeeding; I just had to try in order to live with myself.
So we moved back, and I tried and tried and tried. Sometimes it was rather traumatic, for even though I wasn’t attacking her she would get as defensive as lioness guarding her cubs. I was getting too close. Years went by and I kept trying one thing after another to break through that wall of defensiveness. Nothing seemed to work, but I kept studying her and the situation, all the while doing what I could to figure out the history behind it.
The biggest problem was that she didn’t seem to recognize that there was any alternative to the “rule or be ruled” mentality. If I used a gentle approach, she’d view it as weakness and would move in and keep coming until I was forced to come back at her and take back what she’d trespassed on. It was not fun. I always stopped though where my “turf” ended. She didn’t know how to take that.
I remember one time that we were on a trip and there was a burst of anger between us. Her normal reaction was to stew about it for days afterward, but this time we stopped at a rest area about 15 min. later. While looking around, I noticed a beautiful flower that I didn’t recognize. Knowing that she loved such things and knew a great deal about them, I called her over. “Mom, isn’t this beautiful? Do you know what it is?” I’d spoken with friendliness and interest and not a trace of resentment due to the events of a few moments before. You could see the surprise in her eyes.
When the breakthrough came it was totally unexpected, and so easy that I couldn’t believe it. We’d been talking about something related that was skirting dangerously close to her area of fear. I could see the anxiety in her eyes.
She said, “Tom, you just don’t understand.”
“Mom, I think I do.”
“You couldn’t.”
I smiled gently. “Well, let’s find out, then.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I know about . . .” and I proceeded to tell her of some of the things I’d learned.
There was a look of incredulity on her face that grew stronger as I continued speaking, but I’ll never forget the unutterable relief that registered there too. “How do you --- know about --- that?” She whispered.
“A little bird told me.”
Then ensued one of the most touching conversations of my life. She was eager to talk of such things now, to get it all out and done with. At the end, we hugged one another and there were tears in our eyes. “Finally,” I said, “I feel that I have my mother.”
She changed after that. I could see a timidity there, a not knowing of how to live in a world where it was unnecessary to be constantly on the defensive. It was like she’d been let out of prison and she was wandering around in wonder and amazement at the very feeling of being free. Sure, she’d still get prickly now and then, but it would be short lived and the vehemence was gone.
This is what I meant by saying that sometimes a gentle approach is not enough. In this case I had to defend my own ground to the point that she became convinced that I could not be taken. Next I had to let her see for herself that I would not take advantage of my strength to do her harm; that I would fight fair and not be vindictive. Only after this foundation was laid could she finally open up and talk about the things that were making her (and everyone else) miserable.
Of course, while this was going on, there were many who condemned me for bothering her at all. They just wanted me to leave her alone and not make trouble, in spite of the fact that she was making everyone miserable, including herself. But I do not agree with the cowardly course of maintaining peace for the sake of peace. There was no peace to begin with, and to follow such a course only makes things worse, allowing them to grow until tragedy strikes. For that matter, was it not already a tragedy, this self imposed prison that she didn’t know how to get out of?
But don’t mistake me here. I have no illusions at all about Mommie Dark or Tina reading these words and then miraculously changing into warm, nurturing personalities. That’s not the way things work.
I figure there is a 50% chance they will answer scathingly, a 49% chance they will stick their noses up in the air and maintain a haughty silence, pretending that they never read it, but only a 1% chance (if that) that they will answer seriously and from the heart. Women like that are fairly predictable, as their fear is what dictates their conduct. And rest assured of one thing. No one would rejoice greater than I would to have that prediction proved wrong.
What I do hope for is that over time they will remember and think about what I’ve said, and I think the tactics I’ve used will guarantee they will, whether they wish to or not. That’s why I used them. Down the line somewhere, whether it is weeks, months, or years, they will remember my words and come to realize that such conduct is both unnecessary and counterproductive. Hopefully, they will mellow a bit. I doubt that I will ever see it or know about it, but both they and those they associate with will benefit if they do.
Now I suppose that you view me as a regular Machiavelli and that I make your skin crawl, which is entirely your right. However, there are a great many people who are thankful that I’ve used these things, beginning with my mother. Plus, I’ve had the wonderful privilege of being able to solve a lot of deep-seated problems that everyone else thought were impossible. I have no regrets in that matter.
I would write about that 3rd “button” too, but that is especially precious and beautiful to me and I have the distinct impression that you would not be interested in it.
Prisca, you write that we should forget this matter and go on to more important things. You mean like that thread “Witnessing in the nude”? We have the freedom to think now. Surely we can do better than using our brain as a tiddly-wink.
LoneWolf
Alias: Tom Howell -
10
Cults or mere Abusive groups?
by Amazing indefining what a cult is, is difficult.
similarly, in science, there is no established definition for what a weed is; at least i have found none.
there is no clear-cut way to separate and define a weed from other non-weed plant life by logical methods.
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LoneWolf
Good post. To tell the truth, I've never bothered too much with the definition of 'cult', because I was more concerned with the controlling aspect of things rather than labels.
And it's just that, the control mechanisms that seem to permeate nearly every organization that mankind is involved with that triggers the question in my mind, "Why?" It takes a lot of time and effort to create and run a control system. Speaking for myself, I don't have that much interest in trying to control others.
I do understand fear and the desire to avoid harm and therefore trying to control those we think may have the power to do that harm, but that's what usually causes others to want to harm us in the first place. They suspicion that we will want to do them in, thanks to our strength and our endeavors to control them. Sounds to me like stupidity on all sides.
Then there's always greed and the desire to get something for nothing, and our desire to prevent that.
I suppose we could count in the desire for power too. However, all of those don't seem sufficient to justify the intense and millenium's long effort to control the human mind. It doesn't make sense to me.
Any additional ideas as to why people want to control others?
Lonewolf