Posts by SafeAtHome

99

Welcome Newbies & New Posters ! How has this Board Assisted You ?

by flipper in

jw
friends

13 years ago

it's nice to have you here !

i found that this board was very supportive when i first got on it over 4 years ago .

i still find it supportive !

11 years ago

SafeAtHome 13 years ago

I was a lurker for a long time and joined this past summer. I have been "out" for 27 years but have a lot of family still in. This board has kept me updated on the latest crap coming from the society, which many times has explained the actions of some of my family towards those of us who are out. You know, like sometimes they can talk to us, sometimes they can't, even though we have just drifted and not DA'd or been DF'd. I never really doubted my decision to leave, but being raised with the WT since the age of 10, I sometimes got that little niggling thought that maybe they were right about some end of "this system of things" (I really hate that expression now) but reading here all the flip flops and how they have so many important dates wrong, and seeing how they blindly follow everything the WT says with no research of their own, I know I could never go back. Even being around my family sometimes when they make a comment about how "we really need the new system" makes me cringe. The things I have learned here have given me a few zingers I can throw out at times that hopefully will make them think.

I was a teenager in the 60's and grew up with 1975 looming large, so did not get a higher education, which is my greatest regret. I was straight A in high school and could have kicked butt in college, but that was out of the question. Anyway, I digress, but this board has helped me more than I can say. Also, this past summer so many of you helped me with a personal issue, which still is not fully resolved due to my own inaction. Just reading the stories of so many of you who went through the same things growing up, school issues, relationship restrictions, the torture of 4 and 5 day assemblies...geesh, it's a wonder we are so normal now!

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8

Reaching Out to my ExJW Cousin

by fallen_princess in

14 years ago

i am sure many of us have had experiences while we were active jws where we were often discouraged from talking to worldy or disfellowshipped family members regardess of occasion or circumstance.

i was always told not to communicate with one of my cousins who, along with her husband had faded back in the 90's and are now off celebrating christmas, birthdays and such.

she has been the victim of many a snub and all out unkindness from various family members, including me.

14 years ago

SafeAtHome 14 years ago

Princess, I am so happy you are reconnecting with family. While my family has not out right shunned those of us who are no longer JW's, there is always that wall between "us" and "them". Not all, but some still in, want to believe that just because we have left "the truth" we should be miserable. My elder dad always kept believeing that even after 20 years away, I still needed just that little push and I would go running back. (WRONG) Anyway, the last couple of years I have gotten very close to a younger cousin, also a long time drifter, and we talk about everyone and everything we never did before. He has mentioned more than once how happy he is to have someone to talk to about the loss he feels over how this cult has separated our once close family. His wife, as well as my husband, were never Witnesses, so they really don't understand how this devisive religion makes us angry, frustrated, etc, but mostly happy that we are no longer a part of it, and oh, the feeling of such freeedom. Please, make the effort to contact your aunt before it is too late. None of us are getting any younger and down the road you don't want to regret at least not making the effort. Offer her the unconditional love that JW's are incapable of showing. Your mom doesn't have to know, don't broadcast it.

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118

Question for the men

by SafeAtHome in

14 years ago

i'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.

if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?

would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?

14 years ago

SafeAtHome 14 years ago

Silence, I realize that, with the help of all you here and reading Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue book this week. (Really, it was quite good) I am focusing on what needs to be fixed from my side and as Dr Phil said, I am ready to own my part of the problems in the marraige. But since he seems to be having this relationship with her and getting his ego and emotions soothed elsewhere, he may not be willing to work with me to rescue our marriage before it is too late to salvage. I admit to the fact that I did not always make things perfect and that left him vulnerable to her advances, giving him an excuse really. Although if you are married, I don't think there is any excuse really.

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118

Question for the men

by SafeAtHome in

14 years ago

i'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.

if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?

would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?

14 years ago

SafeAtHome 14 years ago

Sorry, I mean I changed my avatar at gravatar. I don't really have anything new to report other than a few more negative things about the other person. Apparently she gets other men employees to buy her groceries and prescriptions (she is a hypochondriac), whines she has no money. But she has money for Starbuck's and weekly manicures. Things may be in the open this weekend, I don't know how it will go, that is why I am in the dumpster today. He doesn't see her everyday, by the nature of his job, but once or twice a week depending on his schedule. He was not with her this week. He went 3 days with no computer activity, then last night, it was there again. That's why I'm bummed out. My friend keeps assuring me this will fizzle, I wanted to believe it, but now it is on again.

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118

Question for the men

by SafeAtHome in

14 years ago

i'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.

if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?

would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?

14 years ago

SafeAtHome 14 years ago

Yeah, I changed my gravatar. The Indians suck, just like a lot of other things in life.

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118

Question for the men

by SafeAtHome in

14 years ago

i'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.

if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?

would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?

14 years ago

SafeAtHome 14 years ago

I've decided what I'm going to do. Maybe I'll have an update after this weekend. Thanks everyone for your help. SAH

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118

Question for the men

by SafeAtHome in

14 years ago

i'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.

if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?

would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?

14 years ago

SafeAtHome 14 years ago

Yes, Jamie, that sums her up exactly. That is how my friend who works with her describes her. She has the manager twisted around her finger to get the schedule she wants, even if it unfair to others. But that is why she tells me to wait it out, that once she gets what she needs from him, it will blow over, run its course. But I just have to get a handle on some proof that she may be getting money from him, but I think I need a few more weeks to see if I can spot any descrepancies in the finances. I hate to describe him as the nerdy type, but he is and apparently she is attractive, 12 years younger. Why can't they ever be 12 years older and rotund??!!

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118

Question for the men

by SafeAtHome in

14 years ago

i'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.

if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?

would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?

14 years ago

SafeAtHome 14 years ago

You guys are cheering me up to no end! At this point, I am sitting back watching you all go at it! (My internet is back up BTW). I don't know any of you, I'm a newbie here, but I love and thank you all for the advice and entertainment.

Vampire....Thanks, I had come across that article too. In a way #2 & #3 is what got me to asking this question, I was conflicted on the way to go.

Nugget: That is the question, can I deal with it. Your advice is great, I have been thinking something along those lines, but not too detailed, just a mention that I feel he is pulling away and what can I do, is there anything he needs to talk about, etc. I will say, he has never been a great communicator, never comfortable with serious discussions. I always thought that was true with most men, but you guys have proven me wrong! LOL

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118

Question for the men

by SafeAtHome in

14 years ago

i'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.

if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?

would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?

14 years ago

SafeAtHome 14 years ago

Wow, you guys are overwhelming me. My internet has been out since last night and I am was passing the library so thought i would pop in to read if anyone else posted. Man, who needs a therapist with all of you? Hopefully my connection will be up later this evening and I will catch up on the comments.

For the one who asked, yes, I love him, and I don't want to see him get hurt either, if this hasn't gone too far and it can be helped. I also don't want to be in a position of always being able to hold this over him, that would become a wedge between us. I would love to resolve this with as little drama as possible, if it's not too late. That's why my original question was should I tell him I know, so as to "nip it in the bud" as Barney Fife would say.

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118

Question for the men

by SafeAtHome in

14 years ago

i'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.

if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?

would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?

14 years ago

SafeAtHome 14 years ago

You're right, of course. I really don't want to know what they are saying. I would never be able to forget or get that out of my mind. Thanks for the voices of reason.

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