elderelite: Holy crap, you are an elder! Well, I'm thinking about you telling me to be brave and confront it, but then I think, look who's talking, an elder posting on this site and can't come clean with leaving the JW's......but then I think, no you have your reasons for not rocking the boat and letting it all hit the fan....so who better to empathize with what the mixed things going through my brain. Believe me, I feel for you and what you must go thru stepping into the Kingdom Hall and then posting here. You sound very kind and reasonable, the kind of elder my dad was, back so many years ago. You've given me much to ponder.
SafeAtHome
JoinedPosts by SafeAtHome
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118
Question for the men
by SafeAtHome ini'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.
if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?
would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?
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118
Question for the men
by SafeAtHome ini'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.
if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?
would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?
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SafeAtHome
elderelite: I guess I am a coward. Nothing to lose but the way of life I am used to and a roof over my head. But I am sure most of you would say, well is this the type of life I want to live? No, I hate this, I really do. Were you really an elder? It's weird talking to an elder like a real person, not someone who has put themselves above a lowly woman and telling me to wait on Jah and subject myself, pray more, do more service, blah, blah, blah. See, I haven't lost my sense of humor! It's been 26 years since I have been away from that scene.
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118
Question for the men
by SafeAtHome ini'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.
if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?
would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?
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SafeAtHome
Another thing, I know it is weighing on his conscience. Sometimes I'll see him sitting on the patio with his newspaper but he will be staring off into space. Or he will be particularly chatty, which he is not, after using the computer. That's when it's hard to hold back the sarcasm and come out with it.
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118
Question for the men
by SafeAtHome ini'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.
if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?
would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?
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SafeAtHome
Thanks for the additional comments. AGuest, you gave me much food for thought. You know, I have been dropping hints you could drive a car through, but he is either clueless, or continues to think I am clueless. That's the thing, finding a way to let him know I know without a confrontation.
jamiebowers, you sound like what my friend said. a,b, and c are all so true. Hey, I think I'm going to meet you when you guys all get together on August 27 in Akron.
One of the hardest things is I have to time this right so our daughter is not home when this all hits the fan. She would go ballistic and I can't handle that on top of everything.
FHN, your mom sounds like a take charge woman!
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118
Question for the men
by SafeAtHome ini'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.
if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?
would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?
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SafeAtHome
mrsjones5: I feel like I have just been given a giant hug. Thank You
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118
Question for the men
by SafeAtHome ini'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.
if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?
would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?
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SafeAtHome
I want to thank everyone who responded. This was my first thread and it was overwhelming, everyone who cared enough to help. When something like this happens, it really helps to talk it through and get feedback from those outside the situation. As I mentioned, I have told only one close friend about this, and that, only because she is in a position to observe first hand. I didn't want to blab to friends or family and do damage that could not be taken back.
My husband is a good man, the last person in the world, anyone who knows him, would think to be found in this situation. People respect and think highly of his character. I have always been proud of him and he has been close to and loved by my family (even the JW's). I don't want to rush ahead out of hurt feelings and destroy that. So, for now, I am going to continue to say nothing and act as if all is normal. I honestly do not believe it has become physical. From what my friend tells me of this other person, it will indeed run its course after she gets what she is after. Unfortunately, I have found evidence that it may be of a financial nature -- and that really ticks me off, but, oh well. My friend was completely taken aback about the idea of my husband, but not the woman. Apparently he is not the only male she has charmed to her advantage.
In the meantime, I will continue to be alert to certain things so that if it does indeed come to a showdown or has progressed to the point where it can no longer be tolerated, I will have given him enough rope to hang himself. From many of your comments, I have seen where I need to improve, where I have let the relationship grow stale and routine. I have to be the best I can be to work on his conscience and make him feel guilty everytime he does something that involves her. I also feel a boatload better, having found out that after the number of years invested in our marriage, I am legally entitled to half his retirement and social security!!! I will be upbeat and positive--a mopey, surly personality is attractive to no one. I will strive to withhold sarcasm...that will be the hardest part.
I will keep you updated. I have a feeling that if something major happens it will be in the next few weeks (when the bills come in). Thank you so much for your comments--except for one "lame"comment that was hurtful, you have all been appreciated.
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118
Question for the men
by SafeAtHome ini'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.
if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?
would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?
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SafeAtHome
You are all so insightful.
elderelite, you've given me so much to think about. I knew it would help to have a man's viewpoint.
FlyingHighNow, I will look for the Reader's Digest. Thank you everyone, I feel I have so many new friends.
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118
Question for the men
by SafeAtHome ini'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.
if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?
would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?
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SafeAtHome
shamus100, second smile of the day. You guys are a crazy bunch!
FlyinghighNow: My first husband (a JW) also cheated on me. My spouses 1st wife cheated on him. We found each other a little later in life, but it has now been 26 years. I know after that time things can get dull and routine, but what is it about men that they won't bring it up or talk about anything important? They easily get sucked in by someone younger who may be up for all the flattery BS, but that's not the real world. We were (are) a compatible match, we have a history, a daughter, family, etc. I really do think this is repairable, but I just don't know how to appraoch him about it. Like, how do I open the conversation without him becoming immediately defensive? I have talked about this with no one, except one person, who is close enough to observe and monitor things and has been a close friend for decades. That's why I reached out to all of you. It's easier to be anonymous like this, besides, this way I can get input and not broadcast to everyone we know what is going on. How is that? He is the one hurting me, yet I am protecting him and his reputation with all our friends and family? Typical woman, heh?
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118
Question for the men
by SafeAtHome ini'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.
if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?
would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?
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SafeAtHome
Again, thanks for the input. If I were 30 years younger I could take the advice to confront it and move on. But, we are a few years from retirement and I keep seeing myself as a lonely old woman in a one room apartment with her cats. If anything, I am as much angry of the situation as I am hurt. I just see our "golden years" going down the toilet. However, I do agree it has to be confronted at some point. I am just biding my time until I feel it is no longer tolerable for my health or state of mind, or until I can find a little more out about how far things have gone. You guys have been wonderful to bounce this off of.
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118
Question for the men
by SafeAtHome ini'd like the input of the guys, maybe some of you who have been married or in a serious relationship for some time.
if you were having an affair and your wife found out about it, would you want her to tell you she knew?
would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?
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SafeAtHome
cantleave my first smile in many days! Thank you