I am in a tough position too. Thankfully I woke up to the lousy idea of trying to get my wife out overnight. And I woke up to the idea that debating doctrinal issues was a bad idea. But here's my conundrum. My wife is not what you would call book smart but she is street smart and unfortuantely has been trained from infancy to shut off critical thinking in regard to the organization. If she senses that I am planning activities for the family on meeting days/nights....she'll say "you KNOW we have meeting then. Why would you do that?" (thus insinuating that she KNOWS I am trying to create a diversion). And having her read anything by Hassan is not an option as her blood boils at the very thought that someone else would accuse her of being involved with a cult.
What's weird is that she is not an uber-witness. She WILL miss a meeting periodically to do something fun. She will have an extra glass of wine sometimes. She will drop the occasional F-bomb when she stubs her toe. She isn't self righteous like so many other JWs. But she is still very much mind controlled. There is no question to her that the borg is directed by God. Yet she also is a very good woman who values truth and honesty more than anything else.
She has stated that she will not allow me to "slow poison her" by keeping her away from meetings and sowing seeds of doubt. We've had discussions. She's asked what's wrong with me and asked me to be honest. I've told her I don't believe it is God's organization. She then threw down the gauntlett. If I have such "proof" that it isn't God's organization then why don't I talk to her elder dad about it? She truly believes that the elders are put in place by God and that if what I present is truthful then they'll see it and present such problems to the C.O. who will present to the D.O. and so on....and all would be made better. And if changes aren't made then I would be proven wrong. In any case she doesn't believe I have any reason to fear being DFd because the elders don't want that....they "want to help".
Her dad doesn't know everything but knows enough to convince her that I am dangerous and being controlled by the devil. He fills her with society based "encouragement" every day.
I offered to sit down with her and go through why I don't think the organization is directed by God. She is only mildly receptive. Naturally she wants dear ol dad there because she "just isn't that knowledgable". Basically what she is saying is that she fears that I am a wolf in sheep's clothing and she is a lone sheep and doesn't feel comfortable. She would never admit that....but I think that is the truth.
So that's where I stand. My wife knows how I feel. She has admitted organization problems but chalks it up to men being imperfect and light getting brighter. She will not read anything critical of the society or written by an apostate. And she is offended if you bring up anything that might even slightly insinuate cult-like tendencies. She's thrown down a challenge that I basically either need to show her what proof I have that the society is not God's organization or I need to shut up.
This is beginning to irk me because I have small children. Every day that goes by with my wife or her dad indoctrinating their little minds is one more day of lost time and one more step for them deeper into the mud. I am to the point where I don't know if I have any other option but to lay it on the line to her. If I don't....my children will grow up as mind controlled little JWs.
If I do, there is no doubt to me that her honest and truthful side will examine what I have to say. But when she doesn't have answers...she'll panic and she will undoubtedly call her dad for assistance. And then it will get interesting.