Continued from above,
I'm telling you the truth, I repaired a birth defect, which inturn made me doubt that God had anything to do with the development of children. It's all those babies who have more visable defects that leads me to this sad conclusion.
Some time before I met my lesbian lover. One day something miraclous happened while I was in Munich. After weeks of singing praises to Jehovah and Jesus, crying out loud why this had happened to me, For his will to take place; there, in the middle of the Behnoff Jesus appeared before me. Being that I'm a bit doubtful I was not sure at first, because of all people why would he chose me? "what am I to do with you woman" he said " I have many women, what do you want from me"!
Well, its all the times you have thought to yourself 'if jesus walks into my house what would he find' I never thought though of what to say If and when he did? Anyway, I asked a double desire. I thought one: to go home to scotland; two: To be home with Jesus In heaven. So this is what I said 'Let me come home' I don't know why I should be chosen in this way, his answer was more revealing and thought provokeing. Michael, asked me to "be with him in heaven, to be a judge for mankind at the time of the end, and to help his people untill..." He told me some other things he made me sware not to speak of...And I have kept my word to him. These things happened and more.
Just before 'those people' came to our door. I knew I was rejected by the WTS and so I lived not knowing how to do that task. I was in a loving relationship with another woman. She and I were just made for each other. We got engauged and we had already arranged a discount for our two wedding dresses! At the time I felt content to live happily for a while, death in sin of course is nothingness; so no biggie. A cival cerimony is all we hoped for. Still, I couldn't reconcile my existance with Jah, nor my earlier experience in Munich with my lesbian life. When, a couple came to the door, and offered the WT an Awake, of course I invited them in! They assumed rightly, at that time I was a lesbain. The husband told me that the JW's accepted lesbians, as long as they abstained from lesbain acts! Thinking that this change in dogma must be the way Michael intended to introducte me to the congregation, and thereby that I could help in the way. so just I just went with it. I put them to the test... Some time past and it was drawing closer to the memorial. I was worried about what they would think if they saw me take the emblems as is the command, to the little flock. Still, I had to remain faithful to Jesus. As I studied I left my lover being that we found abstanance over baring, I moved out. The memories of the past persons knowlage of the truth and that given supernaturally, made me a wonder. Then holy spirit would speak though my answers at meetings, many were helped and encouraged by them.
Now being closer to congregation members, it was approaching baptism season. I reasoned on the scriputres that one must be reborn, if anyone had done that, I was certianly someone like me. Dead to my sins, alive in the spirit. Still, my qualifcations etc are in an old name not known to anyone except me and other Elohi'm. so when I was asked to prove my qualifications under threat of "the police" I told them about my privious life and the need for secrecy. The elder whom I was studying with, made enquiries about that imperfect man. It was clear that I had changed sex now even though I look/ed nothing like a man, and when I was younger I looked very feminine indeed without any treatments!
Enevitablity, an offical visit by the elders. The elders politely insisted that I must have a sexchange to make me male!!!!!! This of course is crule and impossible for me, just as to ask a blind woman to remove her eyes that she had repaired to heal her birth defect they were actually asking me to destroy myself. I as always react calmly, and using the scriptures I show the account where jesus healed the woman of the flow of blood and that it was her faith that jesus stated had healed her. I never thought about the eithiopian eunuch, you see I only think that I am female. It was one of the elders who pointed the scripture out. It was them glaringly obvious the NWT removes acts 8:37 which as stated above puts more ephisis on faith as to the acceptablity to Jehovah.
Now the situation is that I am not allowed to speak to anyone in the congregation, and I cannot have printed copies of te WT study version and I am not allowed to sing or answer at meetings. They were happy for me to do so as a lesbian not doing lesbian things! I know it to be WRONG to ask me to have a sexchange against my every fiber, against my heart. For that would be a geart lie indeed before the almighty Jehovah. I am telling the truth about who and what I am. I have approached a new congregation under the direction of HS and I have told them about my status. One day you may meet me and never know whom you met.
I feel for other people who are gay or trans who have had simmular experiences. I am comforted by the knowlage that we will have new bodies in the new world or in my case in heaven.
