Fade... just breathe... like u said there is no point of arguing with them, it does not matter what you say or do, they are always right (or so they think)....
The Disaster relief thing, like someone else said it is a cash cow, and i always had a problem w that as well... why wouldn't the loving brothers and sisters help EVERYONE and not just JWs?? i mean, Jesus talked about the good samaritan and how regardless of the differences between the communities the good samaritan helped the injured man, same thing here... it shouldn't be about where or who they worship, it should be about humanity and kindness... and following Jesus example....
I was talking to ur wife and i told her i think the time is coming where you guys are going to need to move away from the area if you want to fade successfully, or just prepare for THE showdown w your family and ours.... i wish you both the best and you know i'll have your back no matter what!!