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Posts by msil
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96Email to my Dad on the UN / Prison Stories
by msil inok......it has taken me lots of soul searching to put this post up (it contains some facts i dont really feel all that comfortable putting up).
but i will try and leave out here for as long as i can.. it is an email i have sent to my dad.
it is a followup - he has some of the info on the un already.
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96
Email to my Dad on the UN / Prison Stories
by msil inok......it has taken me lots of soul searching to put this post up (it contains some facts i dont really feel all that comfortable putting up).
but i will try and leave out here for as long as i can.. it is an email i have sent to my dad.
it is a followup - he has some of the info on the un already.
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msil
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96
Email to my Dad on the UN / Prison Stories
by msil inok......it has taken me lots of soul searching to put this post up (it contains some facts i dont really feel all that comfortable putting up).
but i will try and leave out here for as long as i can.. it is an email i have sent to my dad.
it is a followup - he has some of the info on the un already.
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msil
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96
Email to my Dad on the UN / Prison Stories
by msil inok......it has taken me lots of soul searching to put this post up (it contains some facts i dont really feel all that comfortable putting up).
but i will try and leave out here for as long as i can.. it is an email i have sent to my dad.
it is a followup - he has some of the info on the un already.
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msil
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96
Email to my Dad on the UN / Prison Stories
by msil inok......it has taken me lots of soul searching to put this post up (it contains some facts i dont really feel all that comfortable putting up).
but i will try and leave out here for as long as i can.. it is an email i have sent to my dad.
it is a followup - he has some of the info on the un already.
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msil
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96
Email to my Dad on the UN / Prison Stories
by msil inok......it has taken me lots of soul searching to put this post up (it contains some facts i dont really feel all that comfortable putting up).
but i will try and leave out here for as long as i can.. it is an email i have sent to my dad.
it is a followup - he has some of the info on the un already.
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msil
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96
Email to my Dad on the UN / Prison Stories
by msil inok......it has taken me lots of soul searching to put this post up (it contains some facts i dont really feel all that comfortable putting up).
but i will try and leave out here for as long as i can.. it is an email i have sent to my dad.
it is a followup - he has some of the info on the un already.
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msil
Voices of Angels - I always blink back tears when I tell this one in real life - but it was happy moment for us.
We had no radios and no tv's in prison. We had no music, except the brothers croaking out kingdom songs (we had to learn the switchover from the old to the new songbook without music).
Music is one of those simple things you listen to everyday of your life (at least I did and do). I spoke in one of my responses about the "simple things". Music is one of those to me.
About a month into my sentence I was feeling really miserable - the reality of my decision had hit me squarely between the eyes. A few of us had gathered to have the bookstudy. We were about half way through when we stated to hear music. Those of us, likely to doze off in meetings, were wide awake. We answered as fast as we could, thanked Jehovah for allowing us the privilege to suffer for his name and went to find the glorious noise.
Along one of the metal walls was a gate. The gate had a hole cut out and filled with razor wire so that it could be opened by the guards. About 70 of us gathered around the gate like animals. The music was loud. I looked out and saw it was coming from the car of one of the guards......he was washing it and had the stero turned on...."Casey's coast to coast; America's top 40" sang the jingle line.
We listened to Casey read the dedication and the music started. We were transfixed. We listened to "Total Eclipse of the Heart" and "Making Love out of Nothing at All" and "Sweet Dreams". For days after that I could close my eyes and hear every word.
We recognized the guard whose car it was. He never understood why we begged him to let us wash his car every week after that. He would bring it in and it shone like new every time. The only thing that shone brighter was the smiles on our faces and the music in our hearts.
I had tears of joy in my eyes 11 years later when I went to see the Shawshank Redemption - my all time favorite movie (yes it was rated R and I saw it 6 times). The scene when Andy is left alone for a moment and he locks himself in one of the offices and broadcasts an opera to the whole prison over the PA system, while Red says:
"I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singin' about. Truth is, I don't want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I like to think they were singin' about something so beautiful it can't be expressed in words and makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared. Higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made those walls dissolve away. And for the briefest of moments, every last man at Shawshank felt free"
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96
Email to my Dad on the UN / Prison Stories
by msil inok......it has taken me lots of soul searching to put this post up (it contains some facts i dont really feel all that comfortable putting up).
but i will try and leave out here for as long as i can.. it is an email i have sent to my dad.
it is a followup - he has some of the info on the un already.
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msil
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11
Major Internet Security Breach! (My System)
by Amazing innormally, i get security alerts!
everyday, but my system makes a simple side note, and i clear it.
usually i get 20 to 30 per day, and some days 65 or 70, most of which are minor 'unused port blocking," and some few are "hacking" and a few more are "sub-seven trojans".
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msil
Amazing my firewall has not been hit once today......you must be the fallguy.
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96
Email to my Dad on the UN / Prison Stories
by msil inok......it has taken me lots of soul searching to put this post up (it contains some facts i dont really feel all that comfortable putting up).
but i will try and leave out here for as long as i can.. it is an email i have sent to my dad.
it is a followup - he has some of the info on the un already.
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msil
Thanks for all the posts and emails of support (as well as all the hugs). I really appeciate all of you for your kindness.
I will try and respond to some of the posts and questions.
Bridgette, RedhorseWoman, slipnslidemaster, Nathan Natas and Hillary_Step
thank you for the kind words. I have not had a response back from my Dad. Frankly, I am not sure I will. I have spoken with him and he and my Mom do not hold this against me at all. They continue to be as loving as ever.Mommy
Yes sometimes it is not the easiest thing to understand when it comes to speaking with our families about the real truth. As many here know I have drifted over and find myself in the Agnostics. This means I have no "pleasing alternative" for them. Some might take the position that "truth is everything". While that is theoretically true it is not always emotionally or pragmatically true. Who wants to find themselves in their seventies having devoted most of a lifetime to building "your own world" - in which all your friends are JWs as well as your mental framework? Do we pull them out? Ok, now what? They have no friends and they are confused - probably unhappy. If they are happy I am content to leave them alone - especially if my answer cannot provide a workable alternative.Zev
Thanks for the kind words. I know you have crosses of your own to bear and if I can ever make that load lighter please let me know.Pandora
You wrote: "I fight back tears reading your words. We have all been through what WE call hell. But your words make many of us realize that our own hell is not nearly as bad as what you call your life. "Actually in one way I take issue with that. Please don’t take this the wrong way - it is not directed at you personally but it is conceptual. I have alluded to that in other posts. I call the issue "minimization". What you did was minimize your experience by way of comparison. Pandora, please don't do this. Your experiences are your reality. They are not minimal in comparison with anyone else’s. I know your comment was made with the best possible intent and I truly appreciate that; but using bad experiences such as mine to minimize anyone else’s will not truly enable someone else to say "I am being silly". Doing so will only make you feel worse in the long run. I respect whatever you might have been through, Pandora. Your experiences are what has shaped your current reality. If you minimize them you will effectively minimize your reality. You are every bit as important as anyone else as is your life experience.
Actually I am not the epitome of strength. People who suffer senseless abuse require far more strength than I needed. When I underwent the experiences it was "for a reason". Having a purpose makes negative experiences much easier to deal with. Incrementally, when one believes the Creator of the universe has a vested interest its also easier. Now that the reasons I did it have been betrayed or a re no longer valid would make it infinitely harder if i had to do it again. You refer to this so well and I really appreciate the encouraging words. Don't mind the "waxing philosophical" - I have been known to enjoy the abstract and theoretical far more than I should have. My parents will be fine. I have other family who might not be in the future.
California Sunshine
Thanks for the kind words. I love your name. I don't know how deep the scars are.....I am sure they are there but I just do not trust a shrink inside my head. Education has been the way I have tried to combat this - although I have never completed high school I try to read everything I can ever get my hands on.Sieg's Wife
Thanks. Leaving prison is a lot like leaving the Borg. You have date where you walk out......but mentally you stay in for years. I have not left the Borg yet.Tina
I think if Simon ever runs a "hug count" on the forum you will be among the leaders for the most hugs dished out. I know you have also had a hard time, Tina and I respect the way you always so open - even if it gets you hurt sometimes. If more people did that we would be richer for it.Miner
Yes.....I am angry too. I am angry at the double standard. In a way I feel like the Vietnam veterans who returned and felt betrayed and sold out. It would be easier if the society ADMITS to the wrong and APOLOGIZES for it. But I will wait and see. If they try to rationalize it away (because admitting you are wrong has consequences you don't like - legal and moral) I will be very angry.....my voice would have meant nothing if I had done differently.Andee
Thanks for the kindness. Yeah, sometimes when I get stuck in traffic now I think back and I savor it. Enjoy your freedom it is precious.LoneWolf
I am sorry your brothers and your family (everyone suffers not just the person who is incarcerated) have been betrayed by the actions of the organization. How many years of happiness did we sacrifice for what? How many others endured beatings and lost their lives – for what? Because “we are Jehovah’s Witnesses and we are neutral”!! We made that claim to all the world.Now when we do not want to “render Caesars things to Caesar” as we tell everyone else….we just fornicate with the Wild Beat. If the Bible is right, Jesus will say “get away from me you workers of lawlessness”; “you are from your father the devil ……when he speaks the lie he speaks according to his own disposition…..he is the father of the lie”.
Does the society only look out for their “own disposition”? Or do they seek the truth they claim they do?
Thanks for continuing to find the truth, LoneWolf.
Outnfree
Thanks for your sympathetic words. If my experience is encouraging I am pleased for that but please refer to what I wrote to Pandora. Your experience means equally as much.Ana
You have been a friend to me from the first time I ever came to this forum. I know a few snippets of your story and our souls have touched – thank you for all you have shared with me in this way.Please don’t cry. You have so much to offer to the world. I thank you for sharing your soul with me – it means so much.
April
I have found so much encouragement in your posts. I would much rather go through what I did than endure what you had to. Your strength is an inspiration to me. You had no purpose to your suffering…. that’s much harder to endure.At the present time I have found peace in a temporary place of refuge. I am on shaky ground from the perspective of my long term future as I have family to consider (none of my close family do not even know I come here). I am sure the consequences will be dire for them and myself if it is ever discovered. But if that happens or if they try to hurt my family in any way at all I will fight back – the betrayal is not without a consequence.
Prisca
You were the first friend I made on this forum. You have continued to be until this day. Your story is sad, Prisca. I know that you seek happiness and fulfillment – I am sure they are in line for you.Nelly
Thanks for making me laugh yesterday. I needed laughter and you pulled through for me. Your cheerful spirit always brings a smile to me.Neyank
You and I totally agree. I have taken issue with the neutrality issue ever since alternate service became “new light”. Prior to that it was an automatic disassociation. I had friends who chose that course……they were not automatically admitted back after the “new light” came out. They were held out “for running ahead”.Only a select few are allowed to see the new light first. If someone else sees it first and acts accordingly they will be castaway. Perhaps my interpretation is all wrong.
Joelbear
Thanks for some of the kind words we have shared on other posts. I know your life has had many bumps in the road, Joel. For privacy reasons I cannot disclose the country this occurred in – I am sorry.