Posts by marriedtoajw

30

Help!!!

by marriedtoajw in

jw
friends

i have come here for any advice and support that anyone can give and i really need it now.

i don't talk about these issues with my siblings anymore because they have already told me that they have no advice and can't help.

feelings of anxiety have been overwhelming me the lat 2 years and it makes me feel like a scared little child.

Retrovirus said - Finally, it seems you are feeling powerless - truly, you are not. Counselling might help here; it worked for me! Finally, it seems you are feeling powerless - truly, you are not. Counselling might help here; it worked for me!

I feel powerless because everywhere I go for advice with the JWs, including here, I'm told to tread lightly, be careful, JW's are trained in this and that... Outside of my own experience as someone married to a JW, everything I know about the psychology of JW's comes from second hand information. In other words, since I've never been in and never subscribed to that world view I feel powerless to help my wife. I see her as a danger to the kids getting deeper and deeper in the cult and just as she sees me as a danger to thier eternal life. I kow I've done a damn good job in hedging all the JW stuff all these years and that's why I think my wife waited so long to get baptized. She still leads the double life but I see her starting to pull back little by little almost in a strategic way. I use to talk to my family about our issues with this but not anymore. They think my wife is fooling herself trying to have it both ways in thinking her faith is some how superior while engaging in things she technically isn't suppose to, mostly holiday celebrations.

Sulla said - You are afraid. I get it. Everybody is afraid when it comes to family, because it is so important.

Stop being afraid.

Stop being afraid and speak what is true. It is past time.

Yes, I agree. I'm burnt out psychologically and I just don't think I have anymore to give. I've been saying little things here and there but it's like water off a ducks back. My cousin and I were having a conversation about the Harold Camping false prophecy and he said, in front of my wife not knowing she's a JW, "Any person or religion claiming to know when the world is gonna end exposes themselves as a liar just by promoting such a thing..."

30

Help!!!

by marriedtoajw in

jw
friends

i have come here for any advice and support that anyone can give and i really need it now.

i don't talk about these issues with my siblings anymore because they have already told me that they have no advice and can't help.

feelings of anxiety have been overwhelming me the lat 2 years and it makes me feel like a scared little child.

marriedtoajw

bigmac said - this cult aids and abets its brainwashed adherents to dispose of non-believing spouses---never mind the family wreckage that ensues.

This is exactly why I feel I have nothing to lose at this point but to be more and more blatant with my true feelings about this org. My wife knows I don't believe the org. is the Truth but doesn't know I believe it's evil and dangerous. Every single time I have ever asked her questions about the doctrine, she was either stumpped or skirted the question. Perfect example was just after we got married and she told me she wanted to start studying with the JW's and she wanted to go to the memorial and asked if I'd go with her. At the time I was the supportive type so I said I would go but wouldn't study. I swear that I was taken a back right away. People were standing around talking and then a man went to the podium and announced they were ready to start and then almost instantly everyone went into robot mode. Everyone stopped talking, turned and walked to their chairs almost in unisin and a silent hush swept the hall. Now I was only 20 at the time and had rarely been to any other Churches other than to Catholic Mass and so I was just confused as I watched people pass bread and wine up and down the rows. I thought this was bizzar and I hadn't yet engaged in any theological study of this faith at the time or any other faith other than my own for that matter. When I asked her afterwards why they pass bread and wine and no one took of it, she shrugged her shoulders as if to say she didn't know. Many other examples I've brought up but never got real answers and so I would just drop it. It's things like this that happened a lot early in our marriage that I just knew she would drop all this but my wife's mother never let up on the guilt trip until my wife was finally dunked 5 years ago. Little by little it's been a downward spiral...

30

Help!!!

by marriedtoajw in

jw
friends

i have come here for any advice and support that anyone can give and i really need it now.

i don't talk about these issues with my siblings anymore because they have already told me that they have no advice and can't help.

feelings of anxiety have been overwhelming me the lat 2 years and it makes me feel like a scared little child.

marriedtoajw

Divorce is looking more and more like a viable option as it was something that I would have never considered before. Yet, I have my own beliefs about the sanctity of marriage. I was raised Catholic which is even more restrictive when it comes to divorce than the JW's, which is why I've stuck around. I grew up without a father as he died in my pre-teen years. I also grew up with only older sisters and a my mother which I admit made me very seceptible to the needs of women. I allowed myself to be dominated by not being the jerk who left wife and kids. I know what it's like not to have a man in the house and my thinking was that I could never do that to my kids eventhough I would technically still be around.

30

Help!!!

by marriedtoajw in

jw
friends

i have come here for any advice and support that anyone can give and i really need it now.

i don't talk about these issues with my siblings anymore because they have already told me that they have no advice and can't help.

feelings of anxiety have been overwhelming me the lat 2 years and it makes me feel like a scared little child.

marriedtoajw

I have come here for any advice and support that anyone can give and I really need it now. I don't talk about these issues with my siblings anymore because they have already told me that they have no advice and can't help. Feelings of anxiety have been overwhelming me the lat 2 years and it makes me feel like a scared little child. I work like a dog, gained 25 pounds cuz of my sit down job and depression and I look tired all the time. I feel like my wife has played me masterfully. Guys I have only been to 4 meetings with my wife in 20 years and never been a witness and I've been fighting it all this time. I never bought into it but everything that I know about the organization is all second hand information as far as testimonials. I question my knowledge, my tactics of heding the Org. all the time. My kids are being drawn in little by little by my wife and her family. I see the deceptions, theocratic warefare. As I've said in my previous posts, my 21 years old son is now going full steam with studying with them, outside of my home. They just skipped a meeting on Sunday for the first time in 8 months when she would only go once every 3 months before my son turned 21. Everything is changing as if it was all planned. My 12 years old son is now questioning me more and more about the Org and why I don't go.

I didn't do anything religiously with my kids because of the strife I knew it would cause and because of the confusion I had for years as to what to believe. My wife has no idea how much I know now about JW doctrines or JW tactics and yet I still question what I know. We have horrible, just horrible communication when it comes to religion. I've gone our entire marriage always hedging always believing that the Organization is dangerous. I've spent countless hours of studying the bible, JW, doctrines and listening or watching testimonials while never commiting myself to anything, again just to keep peace. BUT THERE IS NO PEACE INSIDE OF ME!!! I NEVER KNEW MY WIFE!!! I let myself be decieved and with all that I have learned, I just can't sit bye and watch my kids get sucked in... What the hell do I do!!! I'm tired of being the calm one to keep peace. I'm tired of not assuming the headship and trying to be so careful with my wife when she sure as hell doesn't seem to care how I feel anymore. It's all changing folks. She's going for the jugular. Intellectually, I know what I should be doing but I'm exhausted emotionally and psychologically and things are getting worst.

After 20 years, a full blown confrontation looks rediculous but that's how long I've been holding things in and walking on eggshells. I know everyone has to make their own decisions as to what to do but because I've delt with this so long, I let every little battle lost affect me. Every time they go to a meeting, I feel defeated. Everytime I see my son reading the literature, I feel defeated. It's all around me and I feel sufficated. Why??? Researching is pointless unless you act on what you know and I have yet to do that in any edifying way to myself. I know of no one who has delt with being with being married to a JW as long as I have withoug getting sucked in. I can see the hypocricy and false claims of authority. What the hell do I do... HELP!!!

2

To those exjw's who still believe the bible is the word of God, as I do, tell me how would a JW respond to Acts 1:11

by marriedtoajw in

jw
friends

"men of galilee, they said, why do you stand here looking looking into the sky?

this same jesus who has been taken from you into heaven will come back the same way you have "seen" him go into heaven.

" considering that jw's believe that jesus has taken kingdom power in 1914, hope i said that right, what would be their response to an orthodox christian belief that the return of jesus would be visible and not invisible who those with discerning eyes could only see.

marriedtoajw

"Men of galilee, they said, why do you stand here looking looking into the sky? This same Jesus who has been taken from you into heaven will come back the same way you have "seen" him go into heaven." Considering that JW's believe that Jesus has taken kingdom power in 1914, hope I said that right, what would be their response to an Orthodox Christian belief that the return of Jesus would be visible and not invisible who those with discerning eyes could only see. I'm sure there has to be one. While we're at it what about Matthew 28:18 Then Jesus approached and said to them, "All power in heaven and earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and The Holy Spirit, teaching them all I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age." What would their response be to to the Orthodox Christian belief that Christ has been reigning for 2000 years. We all know they're wrong about 1914, but they believe it obviously so I'm sure there are responses to these. Please take a couple minutes and give me a response. Curiously waiting your responses.

2

How would a JW respond to Acts 1

by marriedtoajw in

jw
friends

marriedtoajw

18

Son returned home nad full speed ahead with all the jw stuff...

by marriedtoajw in

jw
friends

as i stated in my last post, my son, age 21 visited his jw grandparents and aunt and uncle in another state.

when he left, about 2 months ago, he wasn't sure if he wanted to come back at all or just stay and live with them.

right before leaving, he quit his part time job, dropped out of school, mid quarter and left to go to a comic book convention with his jw uncle.

marriedtoajw

No biblestudent i have yet to read any of steve hassans stuff although it has been recomended to me before. I would like to ask anyone who has read his books how they helped.

18

Son returned home nad full speed ahead with all the jw stuff...

by marriedtoajw in

jw
friends

as i stated in my last post, my son, age 21 visited his jw grandparents and aunt and uncle in another state.

when he left, about 2 months ago, he wasn't sure if he wanted to come back at all or just stay and live with them.

right before leaving, he quit his part time job, dropped out of school, mid quarter and left to go to a comic book convention with his jw uncle.

marriedtoajw

As I stated in my last post, my son, age 21 visited his jw grandparents and aunt and uncle in another state. When he left, about 2 months ago, he wasn't sure if he wanted to come back at all or just stay and live with them. Right before leaving, he quit his part time job, dropped out of school, mid quarter and left to go to a comic book convention with his jw uncle. Doesn't make sence to me to make these rash decisions for a comic book convention... had to be more to it but no on tells me anything. When he was out of state for those 2 months he called me only once to ask for money to pay for his plane ticket home but talked to mom at least once a week.

I have two other sons ages 12 and 15 and a daughter thats 8. Since my son turned 21 a few months ago, he's been going to every meeting. The love bombing is really working on him by people in my wife congregation and from my wifes family. I can't even talk to him as he has tuned me out and has already probably been warned that I may become more hostile about him going to every meeting since he knows how I feel about this religion. My 8 year old daughter adhores my son and goes to the meetings with him and mom once in a while but not always. My 12 and 15 year old sons never go to meetings.

You may be getting the picture as I describe my situation. Honestly, I think my wife has already decided that she is going to push as hard as she can to have my son and my daughter be jw's while not trying so hard for my other two sons, leaving that job up to my oldest son while putting me on the spot to be confrontational, so she can teach my son about persecution, or emasculate me further as I do allow these things to keep peace. Here is my issue... All the JW's in my wife's family seem screwed up in one way or another. Broken families or living at the poverty level on government cheese. Those who were never baptised, as far as I know, are shunned cuz they're either in jail or on drugs. My son has yet to put it together that the religion may have something to do with that.

Now, I know alot of people are hurting right now financially with the economy as it is but ever since my father in law decided to cave in on being reinstated with he jw's about 12 years ago, everything went down him for them financially. He left a great paying job to put more time in his ministry and everything, financially, hit the fan. None of my wifes family have regular jobs, they are being kept afloat by odd jobs given to them by people in their congregation and living in homes owned by jw's who charge them reduced rent. My son sees me working hard every day for years, sacrificing my own time to support us, while my wife sits around, doing laundry, washing dishes, doing laundry and washing dishes, doing laundry and wahing dishes... that's literally all she does. I know those things need to get done too but she doesn't look for work, could care less if the bills get paid or not.

I'm getting burnt out in more ways than one. Physically, psychologically and every which way I can get burnt out. I think my marriage is over unless I cave and convert. Everyone who knows me knows I'd be doing it to save my family as my extended family, almost all Catholic, know my situation and are waiting for me to cave. They can't stand my wife anymore cuz they see what she's doing but I think my wife think's my family is so much in darkness, they wouldn't know spiritual warfare if it slapped them in the face. I guess I'm just looking for sympathy and support here guys cuz sometimes I wounder if I'm doing the right thing hedging all the jw stuff. I can see why some marriages break up or the non jw spouse converts. This is sooooo draining and it's been going on for tooooo long.... :(

How has the JW religion affected you moving on spiritually when kids are involved?

by marriedtoajw in

jw
friends

almost all of you have been affected by this religion in one way or another.

if you left the religion i know you really have been affected or if you have family in but never were a jw, you are affected.

when there are kids involved, the entire experience of leaving or trying to deal with the situation with close family in, the emotional, phsychological and spiritual effects are magnified.

marriedtoajw

Almost all of you have been affected by this religion in one way or another. If you left the religion I know you really have been affected or if you have family in but never were a JW, you are affected. When there are kids involved, the entire experience of leaving or trying to deal with the situation with close family in, the emotional, phsychological and spiritual effects are magnified. Dealing with my JW wife and hedging the JW stuff with the kids is draining. How have you delt with your personal situation when you have kids? What has happened to your kids spiritually if you left the religion or are married to JW? I have floundered spiritually for years just trying to keep peace in my house. How have you delt with it with your kids? Personal experiences are what I'm looking to learn from, not so much opinions. I have enough of those, thanks...

13

I'm beginning to lose it!!! Update on my situation

by marriedtoajw in

jw
friends

i've posted on here at times in moments of dispair and anguish over what is happening in my life being married to a jw.

i've everperienced countless moments of depression, anxiety and even entertained suicidal thoughts.

suicidal thoughts at one time to me was unthinkable and a sure sign of desperation.

marriedtoajw

ruderedhead said - Please continue to keep your younger ones occupied with non-jw activities, and, if possible, find a church you like and begin attending, insisting that the children go with you every other time. Exert your headship status when your wife objects. It sounds like you have been very complacent during your entire marriage, so this will be a shock to her.

I will continue to have my kids in activities. Finding a Church is difficult for me which has made what you rightly point out, my complacency even more difficult. I was a nominal Catholic for many of my early years of marriage. I questioned the validity of the Catholic Church's teachings regarding the sacraments. I've blamed the sacraments as being a crutch whcih caused nominalism. Catholics I knew felt right with God because they were baptized and had their sacraments but who were lving immoral lives and rarely went to Church or even understood what the Church's teachings were. Yet I also believe that sola scriptura is untenable. If I were to list my current beliefs, I would have to say that no denomination I know of would line up to them. That doesn't mean that I might be wrong on this or that, and I'm sure many of you would say it's all wrong. The kneelers on statues in the Catholic Church bother me too and the ideas of idolatry creep in. Yet there are scriptures that talk about obeying the leaders of the Church. Be obedient to those who are taking the lead among you and be submissive, for they are keeping watch over your souls as those who will render an account; that they may do this with joy and not with sighing, for this would be damaging to you. (Hebrews 13:17. Now I know there are other scripture used to illustrate that man is not to follow blindly, etc, just don't need to get into that kind of discussion now but I do beleive that a visible authority other than the scriptures is absolutely necessary, otherwise verses like this quoted have no basis. It would mean, "well I'll be obedient as long as they teach what I think the scriptures say". It makes everyone an authority unto themselves. Anyhow, thank you for your comments so far.