Thank you all for your kind words! I appreciate them! I already feel much better than yesterday and even better than the days before. Tomorrow I am going to go on a short vacation and visit a friend for a couple of days.
nevaagain
JoinedPosts by nevaagain
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My life has ended (be careful what you wish for part 2)
by nevaagain innoone and nothing can really prepare you for the burning pain you feel when your spouse leaves you after 8 years of marriage.
from one day to another, all your dreams, hopes and plans are shattered.. i still have so many questions which will remain unanswered in eternity.. the thread i made a few weeks ago, is part of this story.
after learning about ttatt my plans involved to wake up my wife as well and exit the truth.
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My life has ended (be careful what you wish for part 2)
by nevaagain innoone and nothing can really prepare you for the burning pain you feel when your spouse leaves you after 8 years of marriage.
from one day to another, all your dreams, hopes and plans are shattered.. i still have so many questions which will remain unanswered in eternity.. the thread i made a few weeks ago, is part of this story.
after learning about ttatt my plans involved to wake up my wife as well and exit the truth.
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nevaagain
@KateWild, thank you for your encouraging words appreciate it
@eyeuse2badub, I am not saying I didn't fall in love with someone else during my marriage, but I quickly dismissed those thoughts and feelings and tried to work more in my marriage. I am not saying that "marriage is forever" but how can someone say 7,5 years into the marriage that "you are my perfect soul mate, I want to grow old with you" and half a year later, "we don't fit, we should have never married"?
Also that "marriage is forever" thinking does not only apply to jws, I know many worldly people who have a high standard of marriage.
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My life has ended (be careful what you wish for part 2)
by nevaagain innoone and nothing can really prepare you for the burning pain you feel when your spouse leaves you after 8 years of marriage.
from one day to another, all your dreams, hopes and plans are shattered.. i still have so many questions which will remain unanswered in eternity.. the thread i made a few weeks ago, is part of this story.
after learning about ttatt my plans involved to wake up my wife as well and exit the truth.
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nevaagain
Noone and nothing can really prepare you for the burning pain you feel when your spouse leaves you after 8 years of marriage. From one day to another, all your dreams, hopes and plans are shattered.
I still have so many questions which will remain unanswered in eternity.
The thread I made a few weeks ago, is part of this story.
After learning about TTATT my plans involved to wake up my wife as well and exit the truth. My wife was fighting against TTATT and warned me to not get too involved. I still spoke to my parents about TTATT occassionally and my wife was probably listening.
Instead of waking up, my wife wanted us to become more active in the truth, she wanted us to become like the couples in our congregation who are pioneering together and seemed to be happy in the congregation. What she didn't understand was, to others we seemed to be the perfect happy couple.
My plans originally were to wake her up and for us to fade together, move do a different part of the city, change congregations and continue to fade so we can still continue to associate to our parents. I really wanted a slow fade.
I can not pinpoint the exact moment she woke up. We always had problems communicating to each other. While often I tried to talk to her about things, plans and feelings, not about TTATT but in general, she always kept to herself. All I know is, 6 months ago we had an amazing holiday where she still seemed to genuinely love me, just 6 months later, without a fight or anything, she left me.
It was a point after our holiday where she started to keep more to herself than she did before. She started a personal hobby of hers where she spent most of her time. While at the beginning she still let me be part of her life and we still did things together, that changed later when we seemed to have separate lifes. When I came back from work she sometimes acknowledged me with a "hi" sometimes not. When things were still good with us, her usual behaviour would be that she would message me while I was still at work to ask me when I would be home because she missed me and she wanted to prepare a meal for us to eat together, later she would instead be dissapointed seeing me at home because that meant, that I wanted to hang out with her and she couldn't engange in her hobby. Also I would have to cook for myself if I wanted to eat something. At some point in this process she started developing an exit strategy. Exit strategy from the truth, exit strategy from her marriage that means me and from all the other people which love her but happen to be in the truth.
In the last couple of weeks I saw that her whole personality changed. She became "worldly". She started to swear and she started to smoke. She had absolutely no respect for anyone or anything anymore and she acted rude against me and wanted to hurt me. Of course I wanted to talk to her and get an understanding of what is happaning and why I lost little girl that I still loved so much. She revealed that she was mad at me, because I woke her up. She lost the meaning to her life. She lost her earthly reward to live on a paradise earth and she lost the resurrection hope. All because I could not shut up to talk about TTATT. I was speechless, did I destroy our marriage because of my TTATT talk? I thought at this point that maybe I can still save my marriage, but all my actions had little to no effect. It was too late already, I didn't know it at that point, but she had already cheated on me and she already had made plans in secret to leave me.
So couple of days ago, last Friday, when I came back from work she made the big reveal that weeks ago she cheated on me out of revenge because I destroyed her dreams and that now she needs to leave. She didn't give me an oppurtunity to forgive her. She just wanted to leave. Apparently she had already found a place to stay and a place to work in a different city. She told me that originally she wanted to leave me in two months in secret but her mother caught wind that her spirituality had weakened in an alarming rate and started calling the elders to help her. This had the opposite effect and just made her want to escape.
She already sent a letter to the elders to disassociate herself from the watchtower and also mentioned that she was unfaithful. She also texted a few of our friends that she left me, which of course lead to them asking me what happaned.
What an irony, isn't it? I thought with TTATT my wife and I can wake up together and escape. Instead, she woke up and made plans to escape without me. And now I am still left in the truth hurting without a plan to escape. I have people in the truth inviting me to their homes for a coffee and asking how they can help me no. I have a feeling that I lost a big gamble. I not only lost my life, my wife I also lost my way out of this religion. Now I can only count on my friends in the truth to cheer me up.
In the end, I don't accept that I am responsible for all this. My wife was never really in the truth and always wanted to do worldy things. She mentioned to me a few times that she married too young and that she didn't live her singleness long enough. Also she started saying that we are not fit for each other never had and we shouldn't have had married. The funny thing is, that some 6 months ago she said the exact opposite.
Smoking was always a weak point through all our marriage, she smoked for a little bit before we met (she was baptised) and stopped but it remained a weak point and a few years ago I had caught her again flirting with another guy on facebook. So she probably already thought back then about ending our marriage the one or the other way. TTATT was just a convient way to give me the blame.
When I think back about my marriage, not all of the 8 years were happy years. We had many problems at the beginning and very often we were on the verge to give up. During our marriage, whenever I thought about us breaking up, I tried to think about the very next day. How I would feel. So a lot of times I was already preparing myself for the worst. But the last 3 years of our marriage, we seemed to finally have settled. We stopped having big fights we had finally grown into our marriage, finally I could say I am happily married. At one point we were even thinging about kids. Matter of fact, until 6 months ago we tried to become pregnant.
I will probably get the blame that I am a coward for not leaving the truth alone when I woke up. I can say I am guilty for that point, but I am also guilty for loving my wife more than the truth or more than TTATT. I always wanted for us to do the things together and accomplish things together, finally I wanted to grow old with my wife one way or another.
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Be careful what you wish for (in case you want to wake up your spouse)
by nevaagain ini want to spare you a long post about my background.
because this topic is about something else.a small information is that i knew ttatt before i got married.
but then i somehow pushed it back for quite some time because i didnt want to change my life and it was convenient to instantly meet new people when you move into a new city.couple of years into my marriage and seeing all the changes in the jw my thirst for ttatt resurfaced.
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nevaagain
First of all thank you all very much for the replies, sorry that I couldn't respond earlier.
I am not saying I am not to blame or that I didn't do any mistakes. I found myself alone in a new city, so knowing TTATT but still continuing going to the meetings just to not feel alone and develop friendships didn't seem like a bad decision back then (over 10 years ago). Knowing TTATT and still marrying someone might have been a bad decision. But still, she wasn't so good in the truth or else she wouldn't have married me.
So everyone wakes up differently thats a fact and I am not blaming her, really I am not. Even if she would have cheated on me.
So my intention with this topic was just to warn everybody that it can go either way and that somebody you know for many years all of a sudden might show personality traits which were unknown to you.
Our marriage had problems from the start (unrelated to TTATT) just like so many young couples of witnesses have and these problems keep resurfacing and keep getting mentioned even 10 years after. Often I was at a point of giving up but since quitting and restarting is not an option (because its not a video game) our marriage might lead to a divorce anyway.
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Be careful what you wish for (in case you want to wake up your spouse)
by nevaagain ini want to spare you a long post about my background.
because this topic is about something else.a small information is that i knew ttatt before i got married.
but then i somehow pushed it back for quite some time because i didnt want to change my life and it was convenient to instantly meet new people when you move into a new city.couple of years into my marriage and seeing all the changes in the jw my thirst for ttatt resurfaced.
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nevaagain
no, just telling her about TTATT is enough. Now she doesnt believe in a god anymore and she blames me for it. -
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Be careful what you wish for (in case you want to wake up your spouse)
by nevaagain ini want to spare you a long post about my background.
because this topic is about something else.a small information is that i knew ttatt before i got married.
but then i somehow pushed it back for quite some time because i didnt want to change my life and it was convenient to instantly meet new people when you move into a new city.couple of years into my marriage and seeing all the changes in the jw my thirst for ttatt resurfaced.
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nevaagain
I want to spare you a long post about my background. Because this topic is about something else.
A small information is that I knew TTATT before I got married. But then I somehow pushed it back for quite some time because I didn't want to change my life and it was convenient to instantly meet new people when you move into a new city.
Couple of years into my marriage and seeing all the changes in the JW my thirst for TTATT resurfaced. Since I love my wife and I knew that she also was not the biggest spiritual person I told her a few things. And at the beginning everything was cool. We even laughed about it. I guess she didn't take it seriously.
Then after a while she even became hostile against "apostate material" didn't want to know anything about TTATT told me I should became a more spiritual person. After a while and because I couldn't shut up about TTATT she even gave me an ultimatum, either leave the truth or she will report me to the elders. I didn't understand her reasoning, she told me to leave and then I wouldn't have to go to the meetings but we would stay together as a married couple.
I convinced her to not go through with her threads and I also promised her to stop talking about TTATT. See I didn't want to lose my wife over a religion. I maybe made the mistake of bringing the TTATT up when we were visiting my parents.
My dad is an elder but he likes to "read around". Means, he is not only reading witness literature about the bible but also "worldly" literature. So he seems to have an open mind and I guess he likes to play with fire. So every time we were at my parents or they were at our place my father would bring such up a topic and I would of course tell them everything I know.
After a while and this was a process over a couple of months, was wife grew distant of me. We did less and less things together. She developed a hobby which consumed 90% of her time. When I would ask her why we aren't doing anything together and basically live separate lives she would tell me, be happy that I found something to do and you can pursue your own hobbies.
While couple of months ago she would be happy when I was coming back from work and then immediately she would be dropping everything she was doing at the time and we would do activities together, this changed. She would only take notice of me that I am back from work. She said a quick hi and continued what she was doing before I was home.
After a while, and that's why I saw in her face, she even was regretting that I was home from work so early, because apparently even saying hi to me was consuming to much of her precious time away of me.
At the beginning of course I let her be, I thought maybe she needed some alone time. So I started picking up some habits as well. I started playing video games and watched some t shows alone. I would also occasionally go and play some pool with a friend.
While at first I enjoyed my freedom, after a couple of months were nothing in her behavior towards me changed I became worried. For quite some time we weren't sleeping in the same bed either. At the beginning she said that her cold would prevent me sleep well so she went to the guest room. She continued to sleep in the guest room because apparently my snoring became worse.
At the same her meeting attendance dropped. She started to become "sick" on days of the meetings so she would miss some and I would have to go alone (the irony right?).
So last week I came from work and saw the phone of my wife there and she was nowhere to be found. Since calling her wouldn't have made sense I picked her phone up and checked through her messages. I am usually not the guy snooping around in his wife phone. I am also not known to be the jealous husband but I still wanted to get insight into my wife's life. At least something small to see what went through my wife's head. And there it was. She was talking to other guys.
I have to add, three years ago something similar happened. She distanced herself of me and then started to call and message a worldly guy we met at a JW wedding. I found out because she accidentally left her Facebook account signed in on our computer. Back then I became furious and threw her out of our apartment. Couple of days later she said that nothing happened only phone calls and messages and what she did was the biggest mistake ever. So I took her back.So how should I react this time?
So we talked. She said that she remains faithful to me to this date and that she was only messaging other guys just to talk, because for a reason she couldn't talk to me. Unbeknownst to me, my wife got convinced about TTATT but for a reason couldn't talk to me about that. At least that's what she said.
She also said that I robbed her of the fantasy that there is a god and eternal life in a paradise earth. Now that she lost all hope in life, because of me, she wants to live her life without any restrictions. She also wants to get dissociated from being a witness and also move out of our apartment within the next weeks. She also started smoking.
So I guess TTATT has a different effect on everybody. My knowledge of TTATT didn't change my personality. I didn't take TTATT as opportunity to grow distant from my wife or even seek to find other potential mates.
Even though we seem to patched up everything and we even started to spend time together again. I fear that this is just the calm before the storm. I feel betrayed and heartbroken ...
I miss my old being "in the truth" wife. Apparently my "worldly" wife has no place for me.A little I blame myself for it ...
So yeah be careful what you wish for, if you want to wake up your spouse, the outcome might be different than you expected. -
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False reasoning behind some of the WT rules?
by nevaagain inwhat are some false reasoning's behind some of the wt rules?.
birthdays:.
why is it forbidden as a jw to celebrate birthdays?
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nevaagain
What are some false reasoning's behind some of the WT rules?
Birthdays:
Why is it forbidden as a JW to celebrate birthdays? Just because at the only birthdays which are mentioned in the bible people got killed? What is the reasoning in that? Plus if you celebrate marriage anniversaries or other anniversaries, isn't it like celebrating a birthday? Birth of a marriage for example. I never saw the reasoning in that and always mention this fact even among other JWs. Most just nod ...
Blood:
The blood issue is more controversial between JWs. In the bible it says that blood is holy, so before consuming meat, it should be poured into the earth. That is fine by me. Where does it say, that you can not use it for medical purposes. And here comes the sad part, the WT values the holiness of blood over the Jehovahs gift of life.
Feel free to add more false reasoning
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Under WT rules, can JW women file for a divorce? Or can only men file?
by JimmyPage inthe reason i ask is because while watching the "dateline" episode about ralph candelario, the claim was made that only jw men could file for divorce, not women.
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i had never thought about this before.. also, how does this apply in cases where a husband is "apostate" while the wife is faithful to wt?
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nevaagain
Actually it is not that hard, first of all both women and men have the same rights. But of course I am not saying that an elder can not abuse his power and give himself more rights. It is not like, the women have less rights as to filing for divorce.
With that said, both sexes can file for a divorce at any time. The only difference is, are they both allowed to remarry "in the truth"? There is this so called "scriptural" divorce. If one party commits adultery then both are allowed to remarry "in the truth".
Even if you one does not have "scriptural" divorce, he can still remarry someone (in the truth or not) you just have to face the repercussions.
I know a pioneer sister who is still unmarried in her late thirties. She met a brother who is not free to remarry in the truth. So whats the loophole here? They will both get married with the consequences of getting disfellowshipped for awhile, until they can get reinstated.
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I need the sample presentations for the Awake magazine April 2016
by nevaagain inhello friends,.
i need the sample presentations for the awake magazine april 2016. similar to the ones here:http://www.jw-archive.org/post/136716562488/february-2016-sample-presentation-videos.
those are for february, i need them for april.
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nevaagain
thank you! :-) -
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I need the sample presentations for the Awake magazine April 2016
by nevaagain inhello friends,.
i need the sample presentations for the awake magazine april 2016. similar to the ones here:http://www.jw-archive.org/post/136716562488/february-2016-sample-presentation-videos.
those are for february, i need them for april.
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nevaagain
Hello friends,
I need the sample presentations for the Awake magazine April 2016. Similar to the ones here:
http://www.jw-archive.org/post/136716562488/february-2016-sample-presentation-videosThose are for February, I need them for April. I cant seem to find them on jw.org.
A transcript would also help.Thanks in advance!