Dear bushido,
all I can say to you is what is in my heart and what I do know from personal experience which contains no hidden agenda.
I think you may find it helpful to distance yourself slightly, not literally but intellectually. This would allow you a different perspective on things and would, perhaps, help you to clarify things in your own mind.
I am a little concerned that they discouraged you from playing for your school team. What was their reasoning? Thats probably a good place to start.
Do YOU belive they were right to discourage you?
If you ask yourself questions you will come up with the answers. Ultimately, others opinions are of little value as I have discovered myself. Eventually you will have to make an informed decision based on what you believe and what you don't agree with or are in conflict with.
In short, it is very difficult to view objectively that which we are so close to. So perhaps you need to view the situation, with you in it, from a distance.
More easily said than done but I wish you every success.