It seems like the lifetime of drinking the Kool-Aid of JW.ORG has not flushed through your system. It will, just give it time.
I am not afraid - just the opposite. If you look at my profile you will see that I quoted a line from a John Lennon song: "Every day in every way is getting better and better." I don't cherish the idea of growing older, but I love the expectation of the future.