Cortisol. Truck loads of cortisol. Still pumping as an effing PIMO with the love of my life being PIMI. Can't ask him hard questions for a month (there's a situation), then I need to ramp it up for my own hormonal safety.
It was a Ton of Bricks.
I remember forgetting to lock my car, not being aware of my surroundings, crying myself to sleep. It was when Margaret Sanger got to talking about how cults keep you busy in the following video that I broke down and cried myself to sleep when hubby was away.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bRBFhMEQFk
In fact, I think making a movie composite of people waking up, going from one person to the next as they covertly look online and their reactions would make an interesting film. Probably a short, or it would be a small segment of a movie. Just one person is too boring.