I'm sorry that your marriage has fallen apart.
When I think about the relationships that will be destroyed due to my fade, I try to live by this:
The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. - Buddha (supposedly)
It's not easy to do, but there will be moments of clarity if you attempt it.