Thank you for your responses so far.
physical abuse is not yet presiding in the home, “the odd shoving out of the way”. Who knows if this will become worse in time?
The control is constant belittling, anger rages, ignoring ideas or pleas of help, even in case of illness.
undermining authority within the home. Constant causing excuses to cause unnecessary stress.
Cutting contact with the school by requesting only the abuser will be contacted in case of any school needs. So vital information is not passed on.
keeping the mail box locked and the only person allow to access it.
Control of finances so much that is causing hardship within the family such as feeding the children, but this person will splash on take away foods on itself, while dinner has been made and served for the entire family.
Keeping the home cold in winter so does not pay high electricity bills. ** this really impacts the family***
leaving the home with the kids without informing the wear abouts of the children, sometimes from morning to night.
Etc etc....
Elders have visited this family various times, the result is an improvement of days to go back to the abuse as normal behaviour.
yes the submissive thing is big in this case, “submission and things will change with my actions” (I’ve been told) the victims idea of keeping things quiet....until now hasn’t worked as the other part often mentions...”are you trying to show me how better witness you can be than me?!”
Person involved feels that needs to stay to improve the situation.
So... in light on new details and please no judgment... how can I help?
This person has shorten the relationship with us in fear of being judged.... I’ve been told to hold my tongue and give advice to be a better spouse and witness.