Welcome, Phoebe! Your story moved me so much. Like you, I was "born in". I was baptized a few days after I turned 12. (Jan.1964 ) My family on both sides were part of this toxic organization since about 1900
My father was a "Colporter", a "Special Pioneer", a "Congregation Servant" (PO/COBE before the elder arrangement) and an abusive alcoholic. Like you, my first memory is being terrified, In my case, I was about 3 yo, uncontrollably sobbing during the dark car ride home from the KH where I had wiggled in my seat. My father had pointed his finger at me and whispered you're going to "get it" when we get home! I knew the beating with his belt that awaited me. My mother was silent as he would shout, "hush up or the beating will be worse". I also remember crouching in my room praying for Jehovah to help me when the fighting between my parents was unbearable.
It's not that other unfortunate children haven't experienced these difficulties, it's that this horrible home life is compounded by having to be JW in school. The weirdo who isn't allowed to be like the other kids because GOD HATES everybody and everything that isn't JW. A child should not have to be afraid of abuse and abandonment. I too, have PTSD. Isn't it ironic that an organization which attracts/causes so much pathology strongly discourages therapy? What are they afraid we will discover? Could it be they want us to remain terrified, compliant, and gullible?
Congratulations on your hubby and children being out. At least you don't have them shunning you! Congratulations too, on finding this site. I know the people and ideas here will be of great support and comfort to you. Keep reading, posting, and be assured of our love.
