Jwundubbed,
Unfortunatunately, my firstborn and only son died from an accident when he was 21 years old. This was in 2004.
What NOT to say:
I know how you feel.
Is there anything I can do? Too general and sounds insincere.
It's much better to ask a specific. Like "Would you like a visit? Would you like a shoulder to cry on? Can I bring you dinner? Would you like some help with the housework?
DO NOT point out his "Resurrection Hope" or he's in heaven now etc. The survivors are in excruciating PAIN. Possibly ANGER They have THEIR OWN thoughts about where their loved one is. Don't insult them by offering platitudes.
DON'T say "At least he's not suffering." Well DUH (Not helpful.)
Don't say I'll pray for you. Who cares? It's bullshit to the person in grief.
DO NOT compare their loss with one of yours. It's not a misery competition.
DO:
Remember and mention things you liked about the deceased especially if you were close. If not, don't pretend.
Keep in touch and offer your e-mail and or phone # if they would like to reach you.
Say "I'm so sorry for your loss" I want to help in any way I can.
Share pictures if you have any.
Share stories about the person. Don't be afraid of embarrassing or funny stories
Write or share a brief poem.
These come to mind now. I'll share more if I think of any.