whathappened asked:
Glad you and your kids are out and you are still married to your hubbie. What made you wake up? Did he do anything or did you discover the lies on your own?
The answer to your question is complex. What made me wake up? My tipping point was in mid-May 2011 during a Service Meeting part about doing more in the Ministry, because we were "so close to the end and so many lives were at stake". I thought, "If one more person tells me my kids are going to die, I am going to scream." I walked out of that meeting and spent a full six weeks on my couch recalling all I had been taught and all of the issues I had, both doctrinal and personal. I wanted to make the decision on my own, under no one else's influence. I did not even speak to my husband about it. (He was used to seeing me dwelling on the couch, as I suffered from severe, recurrent clinical depression for as long as I can remember, even as a child.) I didn't go to any meetings during this time. I took my son's then ex-MIL to our July 1-3 D.C. as I had promised. I was an outsider looking in at that point and could only think, "OMG this is the Stepford Wives!" When they announced the "New Light" about the toes of Daniel's dream image-- They mean nothing! I just laughed. The prior year when they announced the "Overlapping Generation" doctrinal change, I thought, "That's Crap." I walked away from the last day of that DC having made my decision that I was done.
I spoke of my decision to no one. I didn't attend another meeting, but being a dub of my word, I intended to keep my promise to serve the C.O. and his wife lunch in Mid-August. I didn't want to inconvenience my CoBOE. I cared for him. I had thought that I would attend the meetings, go out in service one morning during the visit, serve the lunch and be done with it. I couldn't bring myself to do anything other than serve the lunch. Funny story. My hubby and I are sailors. He had just come back from a nice sail with a retired couple. We were sitting around the picnic table chatting. It was Thursday late afternoon. I was supposed to go to the meeting, and I needed to cook some chicken for the lunch on Friday. This couple wanted me to go out to dinner with them and hubby. I said I couldn't, because we had this visiting speaker coming to our congregation that night, and I had to serve him and his wife lunch the next afternoon. The worman asked me what religion I was in. I said JWs. She said, "Oh, I was raised as a JW, but I left." Her Hubby offered to cook the chicken-- he only needed 5 ingredients, which I had, and our grill. I went out to a lovely dinner with them. Served the lunch the next day. Didn't go to any meetings that week. Didn't go out in service either. I was done.
"Did he (Hubby) do anything or did you discover the lies on your own?"
Obviously my husband had his say on occaision, otherwise I would not have come to the conclusion that he was an "apostate". The thing was that his reasons for leaving meant little to nothing to me. He focused primarily on the bogus science. I didn't care about that. I did my Bible study a la dub style. I wrote "The Society" about chronology issues. I wrote to them about blood fraction issues. They wrote back; the elders asked if I understood the letters. I said yes; they didn't ask me if I believed them. I didn't-- so what if they were off by a couple of months, no biggie. Waiting on Jehovah for clarification on the blood fraction issue. Don't even remember what it was about at this point. My hubby didn't learn TTATT until I walked away. He simply left and went on with his life. I resented that. I felt abandonned, left with the responsibility of being the "spiritual head of the household". Now if he had told me something about the "Two Witness" rule and protecting pedophiles, that would have got my attention.
One of my biggest concerns was the ever tightening of control that I sensed acutely. Our son (and our family) had gone through a tragic event. Our son nearly suceeded in committing suicide. I foolishly entrusted his life to the hands of the elders. I feel I let him down. He was still grieving and was still living under our roof, but in a separate apartment we built for him and his then ex-wife. I remembered what the teaching was on how families were to treat DF'd family members who lived outside the home when I became a witness. I knew the rules had changed for the worse. I sensed they would get even more controling in time, and they did. The bottom line was I knew I was never going to shun my son. Case closed.
