This does not help, but keep this in mind - You cannot expect a reasonable answer to your questions because the whole situation is not based on reason.
Three, uneducated, untrained men listen to a person bear his sole on an alleged act of misconduct. He admits his actions were wrong and begs forgiveness. Now these three men are supposedly able to -
1) Be human lie detectors
2) Read your heart to tell if you're repentant or not
The definition of repent means "to feel remorse". Angels are not even able to tell if a human is repentant. How would imperfect window washers and carpet layers be able to read your heart? Even being "spirit directed" cannot help imperfect men read another's heart.
I was privately reproved by a judicial committee. I thought the whole thing was BS. My wife and I messed around once just before we were married. The elders said they believed I was truly repentant, but I had to be punished. So, there I was, first time offender who was an exemplary brother having all my privileges taken from me for something I could not do again because I was now married to the person I sinned with. My wife would literally have to die or leave me for another man for me to be in a position to commit the same sin.
Punishment is a part of discipline, but you can be disciplined without punishment.