isnt' t that a bit like going back to smoking crack because the withdrawal symptoms suck?
trust me, I "get" what you mean about assoication and freinds, and even if you do go back to the Borg, knowing that you don't beleive it, you need to sort out what it is you want with your life FIRST.
If you are going back to Watchtower because it's better than what you've got right now, then I would suggest you have no idea what you want in life to begin with.
Take a year, travel the world, vists buddhist temples and monestaries, see the pyramids of egypt, touch the west wall, read some books about life... maybe eckart Tolle or the like. I know this is easier said than done, but if the other option is wasting your life on pretend happiness than I would find anyway possible to make this happen