pale.emperor

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Posts by pale.emperor

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  10

  Starting a 'Bible Study' - The Basics

  by Joe Grundy in

  1. watchtower
  2. bible

  i never was a jw.

  i was brought up in a fairly fundie sect (pb) and have been for many years an interested atheist.

  i am an admirer of the work of bart ehrman (and recommend his blog).. from time to time, jws call at my door and invite me to partake in a 'bible study'.

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  pale.emperor

  OP, you've made me curious - what was Paul and Jesus' last names? I dont know either.

  On another note, when i was a Jdub it was the born again's i had the most disdain for.
  
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  14

  Fudging The Numbers JW Style

  by pale.emperor in

  1. watchtower
  2. scandals

  i know most of us have probably figured this out already, but remember the good old days where you could only count full hours in the ministry?.

  then one of the gb get some "new light" from their ass and proclaim that they lovingly will allow people to report 30mins, then even 15mins of time.

  this was, supposedly, so that the old and infirm could have a joy in the ministry and report what little they could do.

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  pale.emperor

  you're now able to count family worship - No, you are not

  WELL MANY ARE, IN MY CONGREGATION AT LEAST
  

  etc etc - What is "etc. etc."? - are you suggesting dogs?

  ETC IS AN ABBREVIATION FOR "ET CETERA", APOLOGIES FOR THE CONFUSION. IT'S EASIER TO TYPE ETC ETC RATHER THAN GIVING A COMPLETE LIST OF EXAMPLES.
  
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  14

  Fudging The Numbers JW Style

  by pale.emperor in

  1. watchtower
  2. scandals

  i know most of us have probably figured this out already, but remember the good old days where you could only count full hours in the ministry?.

  then one of the gb get some "new light" from their ass and proclaim that they lovingly will allow people to report 30mins, then even 15mins of time.

  this was, supposedly, so that the old and infirm could have a joy in the ministry and report what little they could do.

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  pale.emperor

  I know most of us have probably figured this out already, but remember the good old days where you could only count full hours in the ministry?

  Then one of the GB get some "new light" from their ass and proclaim that they lovingly will allow people to report 30mins, then even 15mins of time. This was, supposedly, so that the old and infirm could have a joy in the ministry and report what little they could do. I suspect, nay, i am confident, this is just because all those 15mins and 30mins add up to hours and hey presto you have hundreds more hours to boast about in the new yearbook! (Even as a Jdub i saw through this shit.)
  

  Then... every so often (usually around memorial or convention time) they allow auxiliary pioneering to report a lot less hours yet still be considered pioneering. So lots of Jdubs in full time work (myself included) jump at the chance to "reach out" and auxiliary pioneer with bogus hours. Again, those numbers add up. So it's not that the ministry has increased, it's probably stayed the same or even dropped. In reality they've just cashes in all the loose change and added it all up.
  

  Then... you're now able to count family worship, studying with an inactive one, studying with your children etc etc - and hey presto more hours for the year book!!

  It makes me glad that i very rarely filled in a report slip truthfully. Yes, a blank report slip was my canvas. The rule of thumb was how many hours did you really do? multiply it by 10 and divide by 3.
  
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  42

  Learn To Speak Like A Jehovah's Witness

  by pale.emperor in

  1. social
  2. humour

  for those who were never a jw, here's a fun guide to passing yourself as one:.

  privilege [priv-lij] - a duty nobody would volunteer to do which is assigned to you without your say so.

  such as cleaning the toilets, picking up other brats candy wrappers in the back row and being stuck on locking up duty for the 7th time in a row.. df'd [dee-eff'd] - disfellowshipped.

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  pale.emperor

  SUBMISSIVE TO THE HEAD - Allow your husband to beat the shit out of you and your kids while you try to be a better wife. Also dont bother him with your opinions or insight. You're only a woman.

  REAL RESEARCH - Trawling through the Watchtower Library CD Rom Trawling though the online library on JW.org which conveniently doesn't have any embarrassing information, failed predictions and hateful speech common in pre-1999 literature. While avoiding Wikipedia, academic books/videos.

  REACHING OUT - A practice for young men who wish to climb the hierarchy to MS and Elder. Allowing yourself to be used for many of the chores that the elders dont want to do while getting in double digit hours in the ministry.

  LOVINGLY HELPING A LOST SHEET - When you try to prove someone elses beliefs to be false.

  PERSECUTION - When someone proves your beliefs to be false.

  MENTALLY DISEASED - A diagnosis by a mental health professional of a behavioral or mental pattern that may cause suffering or a poor ability to function in life. Such features may be persistent, relapsing and remitting, or occur as a single episode. Anyone who leaves and has proof it's all bullshit, regardless of how loving, caring and unassuming the person is.

  LOVINGLY HELPING STUMBLING ONES - Snitching on your mates to the elders. May result in DF (see above).
  
  
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  42

  Learn To Speak Like A Jehovah's Witness

  by pale.emperor in

  1. social
  2. humour

  for those who were never a jw, here's a fun guide to passing yourself as one:.

  privilege [priv-lij] - a duty nobody would volunteer to do which is assigned to you without your say so.

  such as cleaning the toilets, picking up other brats candy wrappers in the back row and being stuck on locking up duty for the 7th time in a row.. df'd [dee-eff'd] - disfellowshipped.

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  pale.emperor

  "Secular work" - Your real job.

  LMAO!! I never noticed that before!!
  
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  23

  With up to 70% of young ones leaving what's the future of the jw's?

  by karter in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  they wlll always have new people coming in but the majority of the congro's are getting older particularly the inner city ones were it is expensive to live.

  they are struggling to get men to be elders and m.s's and this can only get worse as very few young ones stay around.

  karter..

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  pale.emperor

  Of the 30 kids that were in my old hall (yes, 30 kids!!) only 5 of us including me stayed in. I've since left, 2 have moved hall and the remaining 2 are hit and miss.
  
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  34

  Aussie jw girl very sick in US funded by wordly people carity

  by sherrie11 in

  1. watchtower
  2. beliefs

  http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/i-want-to-go-home-13yearold-phelicity-sneesbys-dying-wish-20160130-gmhky4.html.

  this article is sad.

  but what amazes me is her jw family is accepting donations or has to resort to the very worldly people they look forward to being destroyed.

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  pale.emperor

  Looks like she's reached her target. Great news. My heart really goes out to her and her family.

  Just on a side note though, $150,000 was needed and theres, what?, 8 million Jehovahs Witnesses? They'd only need to donate 2 cents each and it would have been paid for overnight.
  
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  42

  Learn To Speak Like A Jehovah's Witness

  by pale.emperor in

  1. social
  2. humour

  for those who were never a jw, here's a fun guide to passing yourself as one:.

  privilege [priv-lij] - a duty nobody would volunteer to do which is assigned to you without your say so.

  such as cleaning the toilets, picking up other brats candy wrappers in the back row and being stuck on locking up duty for the 7th time in a row.. df'd [dee-eff'd] - disfellowshipped.

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  pale.emperor

  For those who were never a JW, here's a fun guide to passing yourself as one:

  PRIVILEGE [priv-lij] - A duty nobody would volunteer to do which is assigned to you without your say so. Such as cleaning the toilets, picking up other brats candy wrappers in the back row and being stuck on locking up duty for the 7th time in a row.

  DF'd [dee-eff'd] - Disfellowshipped. A "cool" slang word for the practice of pretending your best friend and/or family members no longer exist so that they'll rejoin your cult.

  JC [jay-see] - Judicial Committee. Another "cool" slang word for an illegal, biased and unfair kangaroo court where three men decide if you're sorry enough for breaking one of the many rules they've added to the bible.

  THE TRUTH [troo-th] -

  1) Whatever the Watchtower Society have printed in their latest magazine. Will automatically override anything they've previously said.

  2) A pet name for your own religion

  3) A mind control/hypnotic method of subtly convincing oneself that you actually have "the truth" by using it often to refer to ones own religion.

  THE WORLD [wur-ld] - Anyone who isnt a Jehovah's Witness who will therefore be destroyed at armageddon and become birdfood. The age, mental health or disability of such people matters not one bit.

  GENERATION [jen-er a' shun] -

  The entire body of individuals born and living at about the same time.

  Worldly people from 1878 to 1914.

  The anointed.

  Worldly people who lived from 1914 to 2000.

  The anointed.

  The anointed who were on hand when the sign began to become evident in 1914 overlapping with the lives of other anointed ones who would see the start of the great tribulation.

  APOSTATE [apos stayt] - Anyone who leaves. Regardless of how kind, loving and unassuming they are.
  

  YOGA [yo'ga] - The practice of emptying ones mind so a demon can pop in.
  
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  21

  My Story

  by SamTheGinge in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  so, i joined just yesterday after coming across this forum looking at beth sarim, and i though that i would share my story with you.

  it will no doubt be very similar to a lot of others, but it's a way of getting to know me at least.. i was brought up as witness from the age of 4 years old, my dad picked up the 'truth' from one of his friends in the pub and it seemed to go from there, he would quickly get baptised and progress to becoming a ministerial servant and then an elder.

  from a young age i wanted to be like my dad and become a pioneer, a ministerial servant and then an elder... perhaps even becoming a co. the world, spiritually speaking, was my oyster.

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  pale.emperor

  Welcome Sam. Your story sounds very familiar. By your avatar im guessing you're in Lancashire? Im in Liverpool myself.
  

  (Also, scouting for girls in the convention was a sport when i was 18-24.)
  
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  19

  What is your story?

  by HereIgo in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i thought it would be fun to get to know each other's background a little better.. what brought you into the "truth"?

  were you born in?.

  what caused you to have doubts?.

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  pale.emperor

  Born in. Im from a large family and my uncles, aunts, cousins were witnesses too. Those who wern't were dead to us so to this day i dont know who/where they are.

  Baptized at 19 because you couldn't get a girl if you wern't baptized. Believed it but still thought there must be more to it that will become apparent later.

  Doubts came when i was 20, they were quashed by my mum and family digging out Watchtower articles from yester-year and asking that old question "where would you go without the truth?"

  Major doubts came in my late 20s when i saw first hand the social cliques, elders not giving a damn, the ever changing rules and i couldn't marry up 1914, blood and non-birthdays with any bible verses. Plus i genuinely believed we should be loving to everyone, no matter of their religion or sexual orientation.

  Started my fade at age 30, my "apostate views" were discovered and i was disfellowshipped. Best thing that ever happened to me.