I went through the same thinking as you. I didn't become an atheist overnight. When i was first mentally out i still believed in Jehovah but not in the organization. In my judicial i even told the elders that i believe in god but i don't know who or where he is. Or even if it's a she or they!
Then i read the bible on it's own (not the New World Bastardization, a real translation like the NIV). I highlighted all the scriptures i thought were upbuilding one colour, and highlighted scriptures i wanted to understand better in another colour. Pretty soon i started to see contradiction, illogical things, a cruel desert god meting out harsh punishments for petty things and then started to believe that the god of the bible either doesn't exist or is a massive c*nt.
After much research with an open mind and critical thought im now an atheist and immeasurably happier. It's not easy at first but it gets better and leaving the org is the best thing you ever did sir.
