I hear ya.
Although im happier being out i still have pangs of sadness every now and then throughout the day thinking of my family. They all genuinely believe that im deliberately going against Jehovah. When in actual fact i've tried to tell them that i respect that they believe it but i simply dont.
They would be happy for me to pretend to be a JW and work on my beliefs later. It's so bizarre.
And what i find most annoying is - you look at all the WT or dramas they put out... they show the disfellowshipped person as the one being headstrong and prideful walking out the door with his bags or standing there arms folded and the parents sitting there crying and comforting one another. In my case, at least, its the opposite. No one wanted to hear my reasons for leaving or what lead to me coming to my decision. I wanted to leave so that was all they needed to hear.