Dubstepped you are one of my fave posters and commenters. I remember when i first had doubts and written my stuggles on here while i was still in and you were there. When i was outed and asked for help you were there and when i left and went thru hell you were there. What's past is past and unfortunately we can only live for today and plan to live happy lives outside the cult. You have no idea how much you and others helped me. And im sure others would echo that statement.
I can relate to all that your saying and its absolutely normal and understandable to feel that way. I myself keep having to stop myself slipping into thoughtstopping mode. It's messed my mind up and it'll take time for us to recover.
Stay happy and stay strong.
Pale.Emperor