Posts by Heartsafire

50

Elder asking for help

by untruth in

this is my first time posting on here so i’m not sure where to start.

i’m trying to keep it as short as possible since i could expand much more.

i’ve been in the process of waking up in the last year and a half.

Welcome! I am currently in a similar situation as you except that I'm a sister and my husband is not awake. Every day is a challenge--especially at first. For months my husband was so upset with me he wouldn't even share a bed with me. Of course I was still an active JW, I was only coming to him with doubts and questions I had.

Since then I have wised up. I stopped doing meetings and fs, although I will occasionally attend a meeting. When my husband asks why I'm not going to meetings I tell him that there are serious problems with the org and that the gb are lying to their members. I stay calm, respectful, and matter-of-fact. If he wants more info I tell him a small amount, but he never asks.

The advice to be happy is a big one. I dote on my husband quite a bit more than when I was in. I also have made our marriage my main focus and invested in family therapy for myself. It has all been worth it.

HAF

10

Apologizing to my non-JW friends

by pale.emperor in

yesterday i bumped into an old friend from my last workplace.

he's a gay man and we were good friends along with a woman from the same office.

although i was a jw at the time, i would go for the occasional after work drinks with them, blackpool funfair every year and the occasional cinema or theater.

Heartsafire

It is so good to hear you getting on these days, Pale E!

29

dealing with religion after leaving the witnesses

by joker in

i’ve noticed many people posting on this site seem to have completely given up on religion/spirituality.. but some have attended services at another religion, or just follow their own heart regarding what to believe.. my question is how does anyone deal after leaving with all of the witness crap that we believed about babylon the great, the great harlot, spiritual prostitute, etc., etc.

i’m finding out that i seem to have built myself a pretty solid wall regarding religion.. some people can just chuck all beliefs into one basket saying that they are all basically garbage,,, and that is ok, no problem i respect that.. but for myself there is a certain part of my personality that needs a spiritual belief not like the witnesses in any way, but something to meditate on, and contemplate.. being a witness taught me how bad it is to actually think of god in any other way besides what the jw’s believe.

and now when i attend any other service, the dark jw side seems to pop out and seriously makes me believe that everything i see/do/say is wrong.

Heartsafire

The residual effects of WT brainwashing were hardest when I was first waking up. I even felt guilty reading different translations of the bible.

I think attending various churches is a great way to explore your "spiritual" side and to find people to connect with. A lot of churches have live feeds to their sermons if you're not in the mood to attend in person.

11

fading/holidays

by Drifting Away in

jw
friends

so for those that are fading, i have been fading for almost 6 months now.

havent been to a meeting, assembly, service, etc.

i no longer believe it is the truth.. how long did you wait before celebrating holidays, if in fact you are even celebrating them.

Heartsafire

I started with holidays about a year into my fade. I still do not go crazy because of my family. Anyway, just ease into it, and take your time. Actually, there are a lot of holiday things JW people do that they excuse away such as enjoying Christmas lights, eating Halloween candy, and wishing one another a happy birthday (or a congratulations).

While she may object to holiday decor in your home, like a Christmas tree, she likely will not object to it at a high-class resort or comfortable inn. Perhaps take her out to celebrate the holidays and surprise her with a gift. Don't forget her birthday either. It will make her feel special and loved. A lot of JWs I know actually enjoy having an unbelieving mate because they get the best of both worlds.

25

Stuck

by Cindy in

i feel so stuck.

i am married to a wonderful man.

i have been married for almost a decade and adore my husband.

Heartsafire

YES. You are not alone. I am dealing with this too. My husband is very much in and I have faded. It has been very hard for my husband, but I'm at that point that I just can't fake it anymore.

27

My sources say Jr brown has died

by poopie in

jw
friends

end of era.

Heartsafire

Isn't JR Brown in charge of the Dept of Public Information at Bethel? He releases statements for WT kinda like public relations.

17

Coming Out To My JW Sister

by Ame SF in

now, i have been mentally "awake" for quite a while, but i'll just say march/april this year.

i won't go into detail about what it was that made me "realize" everything, so don't bother asking.. so, i've known for years that i wasn't like most girls in my classes, kingdom hall, and just in general.

from a very young age i had that obvious interest in the same sex, but seeing as i was seemingly the only one feeling that way i would brush it off and eventually i started getting interested in guys.

Heartsafire

Ame SF,

You're a really good writer, and I enjoyed reading your post. I'm very happy for you. You came out to your sister, and she responded in a positive way. It is interesting that she suspected you were gay before you even said anything. Sounds like you have a good relationship with her.

Like you, I discovered my sexuality in my teen years. For a time I believed that I was possibly gay. I was in love with my best friend, who was a girl, and I had very strong sexual feelings for her. Now I am married to a man, who I love very much, and I really enjoy sex with him.

Ultimately, I recommend treading carefully with the rest of your family until you are free and clear of them financially speaking. Given your sister's reaction, they are likely a more understanding bunch. Also, I recommend focusing on your future plans--college, trade school, career--before jumping into a serious relationship. I recommend this to all young people irregardless of sexuality.

Hugs to you, Ame.

7

An Un-Shun Day

by Heartsafire in

jw
friends

i was thinking about how many of us here are either being shunned or know someone who is being shunned.

although highly unlikely, it would be wonderful if this horrible practice was completely eliminated.. i know we have the wt victims memorial day in the summer, but does anyone know of any grassroots sort of movement to have a jw break the silence day on shunning?

we could encourage and promote for all jw's who have a df'd friend or family member to contact that person on that day--maybe even with the excuse that they need to check on them.. i know that it won't demolish the shunning policy, but at least a day like this could shed some light on the harmful practice to those outside the jw community as well as providing an unofficial designated day for jws to reach out to those they're shunning.

Heartsafire

So, I guess there is not a designated day to shed light on the shunning policy.

Agreed, it is impossible to get all the witnesses to disobey the GB. However, one problem is that not enough people know or even care about the shunning policy. I'm not saying it's going to change, but for change to start there needs to be mass movement that can be talked about the world over online, on tv, in other places of worship, and in government agencies. With enough pressure and info many within the r&f may refuse to shun. Also, it would help detract from their message by warning potential converts.

7

An Un-Shun Day

by Heartsafire in

jw
friends

i was thinking about how many of us here are either being shunned or know someone who is being shunned.

although highly unlikely, it would be wonderful if this horrible practice was completely eliminated.. i know we have the wt victims memorial day in the summer, but does anyone know of any grassroots sort of movement to have a jw break the silence day on shunning?

we could encourage and promote for all jw's who have a df'd friend or family member to contact that person on that day--maybe even with the excuse that they need to check on them.. i know that it won't demolish the shunning policy, but at least a day like this could shed some light on the harmful practice to those outside the jw community as well as providing an unofficial designated day for jws to reach out to those they're shunning.

Heartsafire

Hello all. I was thinking about how many of us here are either being shunned or know someone who is being shunned. Although highly unlikely, it would be wonderful if this horrible practice was completely eliminated.

I know we have the WT Victims Memorial Day in the summer, but does anyone know of any grassroots sort of movement to have a JW Break the Silence Day on shunning? We could encourage and promote for all JW's who have a df'd friend or family member to contact that person on that day--maybe even with the excuse that they need to check on them.

I know that it won't demolish the shunning policy, but at least a day like this could shed some light on the harmful practice to those outside the JW community as well as providing an unofficial designated day for JWs to reach out to those they're shunning. Thoughts?

30

Why is it so hurtful to be shunned? Why object to it?

by stuckinarut2 in

it seems like many feel hurt or saddened by the practice of shunning by witnesses.. yes, when ones who we were close to, perhaps family or ones we thought were close friends choose to follow the warped directions of the society, it may seem hurtful.. but really, our reaction is up to us.

the fact is, these ones have shown that in reality, their love for us was never real or genuine.

no, those relationships were superficial and lacking in substance.

Heartsafire

It hurts so bad because it is emotional abuse. It is an indefinite "silent treatment" as if one is dead. All people should object to it because it far exceeds reasonable punishment. There is never love involved in abuse. There is never an excuse or reason good enough to do this. The people who practice this form of abuse are under the influence of a dangerous cult. It is up to people who know the truth about this cult to get the word out regarding this inhumane practice.