@chook that seems like the logical thing to do- once you realize it's not true..leave. But in my case, there were some "paybacks" I guess that kept me in a while longer until too many things added up and I'd had enough.
mentalclarity
JoinedPosts by mentalclarity
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70
What made you stay "in" even when you knew it wasn't the "truth"?
by mentalclarity inso i've been thinking a lot about why i stayed a jw for so long even though i had always had doubts about the doctrines.
i was born into the religion, left and came back as an adult for another decade.
some of the things that come to mind (besides the threat of shunning-and this isn't to minimize that very real threat) was:.
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70
What made you stay "in" even when you knew it wasn't the "truth"?
by mentalclarity inso i've been thinking a lot about why i stayed a jw for so long even though i had always had doubts about the doctrines.
i was born into the religion, left and came back as an adult for another decade.
some of the things that come to mind (besides the threat of shunning-and this isn't to minimize that very real threat) was:.
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mentalclarity
@freddo I also tried harder at some point- even studying with someone (I think). I thought...all these people I admire in some way really "believe" - it must be me...I must be missing something. It was hard being the lone dissenter when people seemed to really be into it and I was just sitting there going..ok, this sounds nuts! I have to admit I sometimes envied those that believed....
Of course, then I found out I wasn't the only one..glad you did too!
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What made you stay "in" even when you knew it wasn't the "truth"?
by mentalclarity inso i've been thinking a lot about why i stayed a jw for so long even though i had always had doubts about the doctrines.
i was born into the religion, left and came back as an adult for another decade.
some of the things that come to mind (besides the threat of shunning-and this isn't to minimize that very real threat) was:.
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mentalclarity
Yeah @herelgo - that is a big one if you're born into JWism- the whole "where will I go" and will I be successful looms over you. Constantly being told that JWs are like these incredibly special exceptions..you'll never meet people better than this.
My JW sister was commenting to her son how nice it was when coming out of the assembly hall parking lot how everyone let each other pass and were so nice to each other like it was this really spectacular event. I just rolled my eyes and thought how that happens a lot in other church parking lots. Not everyone outside are jerks. But imagine always hearing that since birth- it's deeply ingrained to mistrust everyone outside the org.
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70
What made you stay "in" even when you knew it wasn't the "truth"?
by mentalclarity inso i've been thinking a lot about why i stayed a jw for so long even though i had always had doubts about the doctrines.
i was born into the religion, left and came back as an adult for another decade.
some of the things that come to mind (besides the threat of shunning-and this isn't to minimize that very real threat) was:.
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mentalclarity
So I've been thinking a lot about why I stayed a JW for so long even though I had always had doubts about the doctrines. I was born into the religion, left and came back as an adult for another decade. Some of the things that come to mind (besides the threat of shunning-and this isn't to minimize that very real threat) was:
I thought this would be a good environment to bring up my kids. I know, I know....super crazy. But you have to consider this was how I was brought up so it didn't seem weird and the only thing I knew about the world was this brief stint where I was around a bunch of young adults who had a lot of issues of their own (dysfunction attracts dysfunction, right?) At that time I didn't have any interaction with other parents,etc.
In all honesty my family has some rank in the org so it I got a lot of ego-stroking. That was instantaneous from others without me having to do anything at all. I basked in the status of my family (while always being an "on the fringes" JW). Outside the org I was just a regular person (probably feeling less than for an array of reasons) but inside I was really respected.
The social aspect. We got together a lot for bar b cues, trips, beach days, get togethers,etc It was a community that I felt comfortable in.
Fear. I was afraid of what was out in "world" and more afraid I didn't have the skills to maneuver being out of the org. I was emotionally immature, uneducated and not economically independent (my ex was working- I wasn't).
Guilt. I felt I had to do some sort of penance for the mistakes in my life. This included doing drugs/getting pregnant before marriage, etc. Going to meetings/service/studying were all ways to get that. I was working to get on God's good graces and I thought this was the way to do that. Do more!
Blessings! Yes, I thought if I was a really good JW everything in my life would be blessed. My marriage, job, etcs I guess just life in general.
Familiarity and knowing how things work. I was pretty adept and sizing up your spirituality and giving you what you wanted to hear. I talked trash with the double-lifers but I could talk the talk with the super spiritual. Since I grew up a JW I knew how to work around things so I could still do something things that were "on the edge" without getting in trouble.
I always had trouble believing in "Paradise" and many other doctrines that sounded nonsensical but I was all about the community until I realized there were great communities outside the org that weren't always judging you and genuine.
I'd be interested in hearing what made you stay in even though you realized this might not be the "truth".
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Finally ready to join the crowd.
by Silent Knight inhello, all you damn dirty apostates!
please, allow me to join this community of diseased minds.
i have been lurking here for over 2 years and tonight i decided it's time to come out of the shadows.
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mentalclarity
Always makes me smile to see when someone connects all the dots and has that aha moment. That's exactly what happened to me about 10 years ago when I successfully faded and I'm so glad I had this site to post on.
Welcome, you are among people who understand without you even explaining much.
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Witnessing to two JW elders
by Roger Kirkpatrick ini was approached by two jehovah’s witness elders who handed me a pamphlet advertising the jw .org website.
each man carried a bible and an apple ipad.
they told me that they enjoyed visiting with people about the bible, and asked if i was a bible reader.
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mentalclarity
Thanks @vanderhoven7 and Roger Kirkpatrick. I was having trouble finding it...
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Witnessing to two JW elders
by Roger Kirkpatrick ini was approached by two jehovah’s witness elders who handed me a pamphlet advertising the jw .org website.
each man carried a bible and an apple ipad.
they told me that they enjoyed visiting with people about the bible, and asked if i was a bible reader.
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mentalclarity
Wow- I'm surprised they interacted with you long enough to go through all of that.
Could you tell me where in the July 2009 Awake I can find the quote? I'd like to real the whole thing in context!
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Do you think the general public cares about former Jehovah's witnesses?
by Christian Gutierrez ini was wondering if you guys think if the general public cares about our stories or if they even care what the watchtower does to people??
?.
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mentalclarity
Unless you know a JW I don't think people really care much about what is happening with JWs. They probably read the child abuse articles and put it under all one umbrella of another "child abuse and religion" scandal.
Unless people are effected by something personally they probably are not going to care too much about it.
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The little things that made you feel guilty as a JW?
by HereIgo inwatching rated r movies?
maybe a little gambling in vegas?
when i was in high school i went to the mall with my friend at the time, who happened to be a female.
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mentalclarity
I decorated an xmas tree with a neighbor and her family when I was 11 years old. In hindsight I was always "worldly" at heart
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Why is the approval of family so important?
by jwfacts inone of the reasons people remain pimo is fear of losing family.
those that are disfellowshipped and shunned regularly comment about how devastated that they have lost the approval of their parents.. when i respond to emails from people saying how difficult it is being estranged or looked down on by their parents, i would like to say that over time they will come to terms with it, except i not sure that people ever do.
i cannot shake that feeling either.
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mentalclarity
I think it's really difficult when you have to take a stand and basically say to your mom or dad that the fact that they raised you as a JW was wrong and you are taking a different route. My mom wasn't a horrible person, she was doing what she thought was in our best interest (to her thinking) and I'm sure it was difficult to work/study and be a JW dragging your kids to meetings, service, etc. She did it because she believed wholeheartedly. And there is almost a sense of ungratefulness for everything she did for us as kids - all the sacrifices a parent does- by saying you no longer want to be a JW. It's not like saying.."Hey mom, I want to be an environmentalist, not an engineer" You have to be defiant and basically say, " You were very wrong in teaching me this religion and dedicating your life to it". You just can't be nice about it. So it's not just an approval thing- there are multiple layers. They have to admit they might be wrong in order to allow you to have your own life.I don't want approval but it's taken me a while to not feel like I'm the ingrate in the family or that I'm not the crazy one. The more family you have inside the more you tend to doubt your own sanity at times.