Posts by mentalclarity

39

How do you get over all the things that you missed? The stuff you can't get back

by JW_Rogue in

look my life is not bad but sometimes i just think about all the normal things i missed out on.

and no i'm not talking about christmas and birthday parties.

i'm talking about your first kiss happening in your twenties instead of your teens.

mentalclarity

So to answer your question of how do you get over it? I have done and am doing all the things I want to do now. I went back to college, I've travelled, etc. Anything that I feel just a tinge of interest, I explore without any guilt. The more I do that, the less I feel I've been cheated.

I was in my early 30's when I left so I know it's different for others who left much older.

Rainbow_Troll- actually universities in Europe have different tuition rates for non-EU students. It's much cheaper than the States a lot of times- but it's not free. I think higher education would have made a difference for a lot of JWs here if they went to good Universities- you build a network which will be useful/exposes you to research opportunities/internships in major corporations/study abroad. The sad part is there are many here who would have gotten scholarships to go to schools so I can understand why it's a big regret.

70

What made you stay "in" even when you knew it wasn't the "truth"?

by mentalclarity in

so i've been thinking a lot about why i stayed a jw for so long even though i had always had doubts about the doctrines.

i was born into the religion, left and came back as an adult for another decade.

some of the things that come to mind (besides the threat of shunning-and this isn't to minimize that very real threat) was:.

mentalclarity

@Rainbow_Troll and that's how it ends up being so hypocritical.

I've had this conversation with my JW mom several times where I tell her I can't be in a religion and teach something I'm not convinced of. I ask her if she'd be happy if I just stayed in and "pretended" and how much merit that would have. She usually just stays silent-but she doesn't shun me. Althoug I'm sure it's very disappointing to her, I'd like to think deep down inside she's proud she raised a daughter with some integrity.

70

What made you stay "in" even when you knew it wasn't the "truth"?

by mentalclarity in

so i've been thinking a lot about why i stayed a jw for so long even though i had always had doubts about the doctrines.

i was born into the religion, left and came back as an adult for another decade.

some of the things that come to mind (besides the threat of shunning-and this isn't to minimize that very real threat) was:.

mentalclarity

@Ucantnome I have a very good JW childhood friend who is still in (although probably considered a weak JW). She also tells me she doesn't know or not know if it's the "truth". It doesn't seem to make a difference for her. It's just a social club. She has absolutely no issues with me and we speak quite openly. If everyone was like that (allowing each other to have their own opinions/beliefs) there wouldn't be an issue with the JWs. Unfortunately that's not the case and we are ostracized and shunned for having moral integrity-standing up for what we believe which is ironic since that is what we're taught to do....

180

What is the most bizarre counsel you received as a JW, from a JW?

by Funchback in

there were many addressed to me.

for example, i once had a sister tell me i was gambling because i liked playing skill crane (the machine where you have to try to pick up prizes like stuffed animals) at the arcade.

i then fired back a her: "you saw the r-rated movie 'backdraft.

mentalclarity

I've really enjoyed reading all of these!

I was counciled for my knee length skirt because apparently when i would bend down to pick up my toddlers in the hall it would hike up in the back.

My husband who was a study at the time cheated on me and I went to the elders to tell them I was really having a difficult time with resentment/forgiveness. One elder said he "hummed" when he had unhappy thoughts and that really helped him.

After months of looking for a job my husband finally found something in a company where there was df'd exjw. He was told not to take the job by the elders, but when I pushed for them to show me where in the literature it said anything about that- they couldn't find anything so he was able to work there a while. He wasn't baptized.

I was told on by another JW when I smoked a cigarette at 15 yrs old and an elder came to the house and gave me the spiel about drugs and "spiritism".

52

What "Rules" Did The Elders In Your KH Make?

by minimus in

jw
friends

some congregations were known as liberal and others were considered very conservative.

back in the 1970s a nearby congregation made all speakers who gave public talks a white shirt to wear.

if a speaker came in wearing anything but white they were brought into the library and were given a white shirt!

mentalclarity

Sideburns for some reason were really frowned upon (this was in the 90's)

I know in some spanish congregations dancing latin music at weddings was also prohibited for a while (merengue/salsa) especially by cubans. I guess the way it was danced in cuba was alot closer body contact or something. I always found the spanish hall always had alot more rules and people didn't question it as much.

There was some talk about pokemons and demonism...haha...let's say japanese anime in general..It was an unspoken rule not to let your kids watch/buy the cards,etc

70

What made you stay "in" even when you knew it wasn't the "truth"?

by mentalclarity in

so i've been thinking a lot about why i stayed a jw for so long even though i had always had doubts about the doctrines.

i was born into the religion, left and came back as an adult for another decade.

some of the things that come to mind (besides the threat of shunning-and this isn't to minimize that very real threat) was:.

mentalclarity

@Giordano - thanks for that info. I didn't know the history of those other religions. Very interesting point about denying realities in order to "believe" the one truth.

70

What made you stay "in" even when you knew it wasn't the "truth"?

by mentalclarity in

so i've been thinking a lot about why i stayed a jw for so long even though i had always had doubts about the doctrines.

i was born into the religion, left and came back as an adult for another decade.

some of the things that come to mind (besides the threat of shunning-and this isn't to minimize that very real threat) was:.

mentalclarity

@doubtfully yours - that's kind of how I see my JW family- the crazy doctrines they believe don't bother me. I'm surrounded by all types of different beliefs (people who follow gurus and make vision boards/others who love Jesus, Jesus. Jesus/those who believe in the power of crystals, etc ) none of that really matters to me and they are welcome to believe what they want. I just can't stand the self-righteousness of the JW. That the others who think differently must be evil/stupid for not recognizing the "truth". The dismissing of other people's ideas and opinion's just because they are "worldly". Even without the shunning this would really bother me.

70

What made you stay "in" even when you knew it wasn't the "truth"?

by mentalclarity in

so i've been thinking a lot about why i stayed a jw for so long even though i had always had doubts about the doctrines.

i was born into the religion, left and came back as an adult for another decade.

some of the things that come to mind (besides the threat of shunning-and this isn't to minimize that very real threat) was:.

mentalclarity

@joe134cd I also thought I could just do the bare minimum and still have the "community" but it didn't work.

@smiddy definitely he investment weighs heavy- it takes time also to slowly untangle yourself and make an exit if you have family you still want to keep in contact with (or try to at least)

70

What made you stay "in" even when you knew it wasn't the "truth"?

by mentalclarity in

so i've been thinking a lot about why i stayed a jw for so long even though i had always had doubts about the doctrines.

i was born into the religion, left and came back as an adult for another decade.

some of the things that come to mind (besides the threat of shunning-and this isn't to minimize that very real threat) was:.

mentalclarity

@LongHairGal - Thanks for sharing your experience! I remember being at the meeting during that watchtower study. I don't think I fully comprehended what it meant until a bit later.

27

Dealing with Elderly Parents Who Still Believe the jw Religion is the truth

by lancelink in

i left the religion back in 2008 right after my mother died,( the total lack of natural love/ affection was the final straw for me).. but my dad has become more and more focused on doing the wt bidding.. it just amazes me how he gushes on and on about the last days, his new bible studies, and meeting parts .

but yet he makes no effort to have any type of relationship with his grandkids, there are 5 of them , non are witnesses.

they are the children from several different sisters of mine, and myself.. so how do you deal with the witness stuff always being presented in conversations?.

mentalclarity

I just listen and smile and then try to change the subject. I'm not overtly shunned and there's no trying to "save" me so mostly it's just talk about their life which includes bible studies, assemblies and the like. When I first left there was some awkwardness about talking JW things but at some point I realized this was so much a part of my elderly mom's life that why should she have to filter it for my sake? Again, she wasn't trying to preach to me..just commenting on her life so I just listen and I can tell she's much more relaxed and feels comfortable around me.