Posts by mentalclarity

40

First time

by Deke in

good evening all, this is my first time posting.. been reading and following for two years.

my story will come soon.... but i want to say to all, thanks for all the meaningful, intellectual, honest, and insightful words!!

it’s been an interesting 48 years of service to an organization!

mentalclarity

Thanks for posting! Gives me some hope for family still in....

24

if someone does the same things over and over again and says sorry and then does it again and you point out that their apologies don't mean anything anymore, then they accuse you of not being forgiving enough, who is in the wrong?

(i mean as in constantly over a long period of time).

im trying to work out whether it was just part of the persons mental/ emotional manipulation tactics or whether i have the wrong view and i'm not forgiving enough.

mentalclarity

There's a difference between forgiveness and putting yourself in the same situation to be mistreated again.

Raised as JW guilt was used ALOT to motivate us into doing things. It's taken me a while to figure out if I really want to do something or not and make peace that sometimes I do feel a little residual guilt for not going along with someone else's idea of what I should be doing. But that's gotten way less intense and the more I stick up for myself the less I need to forgive anything because there are fewer times I feel taken advantage of.

25

Am I being unreasonable with my pimo boyfriend?

by Addison0998 in

i was very lucky to have be dating somebody who didn’t run and snitch on me when i started having questions and showing him research i did, instead he listened to me, and after a few arguements, he did wake up as well.

it really didn’t take much to wake him up, and he was more just tired of the crazy witnesses in general.

and now we are planning on getting married and fading together so that our families can at least enjoy our wedding, that special time in life, before we possibly loose them one day.

mentalclarity

When I left I didn't really feel the need to go through doctrinal issues and prove it was wrong. Not everyone processes everything the same. Part of loving someone I think is giving them the space to process things however they want.

I think people are more angry depending on how involved they've needed to be. As an elder's daughter, I'm sure there was enormous pressure to conform and you were constantly doing things you didn't want to. That can create alot of anger. Personally, my mom was a single mother so I think expectations were low on how much I participated. My family wasn't looked on as an example so I was able to mess up (as kids do) and it wasn't terrible. Anyhow, I wasn't super angry when I left - everyone's experience is different. Don't discount his or minimize your own. You know how sometimes siblings in the same family can have completely different perspectives on their upbringing? Even when they were in the same house with the same parents? It's kind of like that. And yet each perspective is valid.

Good luck- I'm not a person who advises getting married young- I made that mistake and divorced but it's nice to have a best friend with you as you leave. It doesn't have to be an all or nothing scenario. Just remember you guys can leave and be boyfriend and girlfriend (outside the religion) for a while and see how that is.

39

Hatred From My Children for Not Leaving the Organization Earlier

by new boy in

jw
friends

i'm not proud of the fact that it took me over 50 years to realized what the organization really was and to finally leave it.

not proud at all, i feel pretty stupid.

however i didn't lose my children.

mentalclarity

I think sometimes people get stuck blaming others. Personally I would have been thrilled of my JW mom left when I was 21. She's still in so he should be grateful you at least got out at some point.

Also, you know, I was pretty much "out" as a teen although my family was fully in. I don't mean to be harsh...but there are lots of cases of JWs who left at an early age or at least doubted and started doing what they wanted while still living at home and having witness parents. I wonder if his anger isn't somewhat misdirected and he's really angry at himself for not seeing things clearer and being brave enough to leave (with or without his parents approval).

I find very passive people who are people pleasers love to blame others for not having "allowed" them to do things. In actuality they've chosen to put other people's approval and feelings above their own needs but it takes alot of maturity and growth to admit that. It's quite a valuable lesson once you learn it.

Your son certainly could have chosen to go against the grain and left the JWs all by himself. There are plenty who have.

Maybe it's a phase, but eventually blaming others for the way your life is now gets really old.

48

Healing & Rebuilding Your Life - Feedback Wanted

by jp1692 in

i have been invited to speak at an international cultic studies association workshop this fall.

i could use your help in focusing on my presentation subject.. these workshops are for former members of any cult or other high-control, authoritarian group, not just jehovah's witnesses.

last year, i spoke at one of their larger conferences in europe.

mentalclarity

1) Dealing with isolation and shunning - I feel this is first because it needs immediate attention before you can continue dealing with the rest - maybe a synposis of loss/grief (without necessarily going in depth about the 5 stages of grief)

2) Examining our Beliefs/Discovering your Authentic Self- I think these are very related. What's important to you/what exactly do you believe? What are your values? How do you figure out what's right/wrong for you? I think that's really important since we depended so heavily on the organization and others to tell us what was right and wrong. This ends up being intrinsically tied to who we are.

3) Treatments and interventions

I've been out for about 10 years. Listening to something along those lines would have been really helpful when I first left. Although I was aware of how my decisions would effect my family dynamic I was completely unprepared for all the ripple effects in my life. Even now, although I think I'm completely above it, I still get triggered at certain occasions - like when my family doesn't show up for my kid's graduation or things like that and that's still after almost a decade!

6

New Shunned VIDcast #3 - Comparing Ourselves To Others

by dubstepped in

just released a new vidcast on the youtubes for "shunned" about comparing ourselves to others.

you have to at least watch the first 30 seconds for my sweet sweet new theme music.. in this vidcast i drop a sweet new theme song, followed by a serious discussion of how we view ourselves and our stories after leaving the cult of jehovah's witnesses.

comparison isn't typically healthy, and i discuss how it goes awry and how we can help give proper weight to our experiences.. subscribe to my podcast here, on itunes, google play, your podcast app of choice, and/or visit my site at http://shunnedpodcast.com for more information.. https://youtu.be/qo0n69vme-o.

mentalclarity

This is a great video! I never thought about the irony of not comparing ourselves with others and the hard core experiences that were supposed to inspire us to do more.

There's so much to ponder and sift through when you're a born in. There were so many subtle things that influenced the way we thought and behaved and for me personally, I'm just becoming aware of it now after almost a decade of being out.

18

My Reflections On a Year of Freedom

by Saethydd in

in late may 2017, i told my parents how i really felt about the religion they had raised me in, and by early june i was out of their house.

i've done a lot since then.

i let my hair and beard grow out a bit.

mentalclarity

Wow- look at all that you've accomplished in such a short time!

There's something kind of great about having been raised as a jw...when you leave, you appreciate your freedom so much. Other people may take it for granted-but every ex JW knows what it means to contemplate just living a lie for the sake of keeping family and ultimately how that isn't really much of a life, is it?

Very happy for you! Hope it only gets better

17

Weird love letter in the summer convention

by purrpurr in

in this summer's convention theres a video showing the tale of a rather geeky plain looking brother whose relating the tale of how the prettiest girl in the whole school fancied him (!

) and sent him a love letter, the letter is read and it says .

"i think we would get along,i'm attracted to you, i like your personality, and that's not all, i think we could have fun together.

mentalclarity

Ha- they've always been out of touch with youth culture. I remember back in the day the crazy dramas about kids being in a line to watch a "R" movie or smoking cigarettes. Meanwhile in my school teens were doing acid/ecstasy and smoking pot.

I'd say that type of letter is pretty unlikely unless you were living in some backwards country where there's no access to civilization (aka internet). Now kids just send snapchat messages to each other I would be skeptical of any letters with complete sentences from teens...lol. That's completely made up.

56

Spiritual "Protection" - a Menace on Psychological Development

by Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho in

not quite a week ago, @lost in the fog created a thread entitled: do you have this illness?.

https://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/5187824140681216/do-you-have-this-illness.

in my year of being on this forum, i have browsed many a disillusioned thread of ex-jehovah’s witnesses expressing similar symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder when detailing their awakening - my own story included.

mentalclarity

@dubstepped - that video was amazing!

There are so many talented, insightful people on this forum

29

Are YOU Shunned By JW Family or Friends?

by minimus in

jw
friends

some who are not disfellowshipped are still shunned i also know there’ are disfellowshipped ones that family still associate with..

mentalclarity

@ToesUp "soft shunned" -that's a great term!

I'm soft shunned by most of my family. All of the friends (with exception of one) who I grew up with and knew for decades basically fell of the face of the earth once I became inactive. Honestly, we'd probably have so little in common now that I don't consider it a big loss. I think many times the only thing we had in common was the religion.