Just an Update!
I was reading this thread over and thought that an UPDATE was needed especially for those now 'waking up."
Since last year, I have stopped going meetings and then started again. Stopped and then started again. I had those moments when I hated everything about this religion and just wanted out. On the flip side, I also had those moments when I just wanted to believe and stay in the organization. While talking with a friend, she told me to pray and asked God for a sign. I tested the sign 3 times at home and got no result. She told me that it's because I was doubting Jehovah. I then asked for an obvious sign that I would have no problem having in the hall and obviously, it happened. I started dancing the JW jig for about two weeks again and realized that I just couldn't do it.
After reading Coc, I just couldn't sit in the hall and just listen and believe everything that they were telling me. No matter how hard I tried.
One thing that the posters on here taught me was that I do not have to rush everything like the JW'S do.
Anyway, I started University last year and it's going pretty good. I'm learning a lot. One topic in one of my courses covered 'Indoctrination' and critical thinking skils is a must in all areas. These are things that the leadership in the org do not want you to acquire. I have made a lot of friends and they were really open especially when the friends from the hall started to treat me differently.
I came off pioneering last August and never went to a meeting since last November. No Memorial, Convention or anything. Prior to this, I spoke to older ones, the elders and the CO in my congregation about my doubts and none were able to give me satisfactory answers. All of there answers usually came back to,"But where else? Who else is preacing?" I reallly couldn't swallow that stuff anymore and luckily I was the strongest Witnes in family. So since I stopped, my mom went about 3 times and my cousin has never went. The elders are not bothering me as yet and I feel as though they are just giving me time to commit some sin so they can df me.
My friends don't come around or talk to me anymore. I try to contact the sister who studied with me and three other friends once in a while to find out how they are keeping but they never call me. One time the sister who studied with me started crying and repeating," I know that I'm not supposed to get emotional..." Not supposed to get emotional?? So I guess the elders have told them to not contact me and to not get emotional in the situation.
I've gone through a lot of stages or phases since then. I wanted to be a Muslim, a mainstream Christian and even a Hindu. However, as of right now, I'm not to sure about God.
I'm not sure if He exists and if He does, if He is really concerned with us. It's a process so I don't hold anything into concrete. My views may change and that's what I love abt not being a JW; i can think!
So, I'm trying to live a life based on principles. Not on fear or being a people pleaser. To me, principles are the most consistent for me to base my life on.
