Carla and LongHairGal
As a UBM ( soon to be ex) myself I learned that same thing about the true depths of cult level that damaging JWs are. Iceberg is a good analogy.
I tried for 10 years to make it work with my wannabe JW husband. As soon as he reignited his interest in the JW when our daughter was about 5, the problems began and got worse. The deception, abusive behavior, lies, arrogance, more irresponsibility, stonewalling.... and out right cruelty began with him feeling the need to "put on a new personality".
It is an insidious real estate, high control group. Good people are trapped in the with their minds, or their families. Also narcissistic, abusive, power hungry people find refuge there.
It was a key factor in the destruction of my marriage.
This site has helped me greatly for many years to learn, and vent, and understand.