Hi In_between_days.
You say she's been doing the slow fade, I think she should have stopped going to the memorial after the first time. Mind you, I suppose it's a bit later for that now!
I've been doing the slow fade since my awakening to the Borg for about three years or more also, from back in the days of the old H2O board. In that time I have, like many on this broad, suffered with feelings of hopelessness even been prescribed medicines for depression. I have not been to meetings for months and months, it's got to be coming up to a year now. The last time I went to meetings was around last Memorial or not long after. Strangely my depression has disappeared, wonder of wonders!
The only person that's inquired about whether I'm going to the memorial, is my wife, she knew I would want to go anyway but asked on the off chance. At the moment I've not really bumped into many of my XJW associates. Any I have seen have not dared to ask, but I if they do I will tell them straight, like I told a zealous newby JW at a BBQ last summer, when he enquired if I was coming back to meetings, I said - "No way"! He look shocked, I wanted him to question why someone like me (XPioneer/ MS almost Elder)would turn away from "da Troof".
Like your friend I am wondering what the reaction will be if I don't show up, no correct that, when I don't show up! I refuse to be like one of the hypocrites, that only show up to the KH once a year (no offence to your friend, she is trying after all to get out unscathed), whereas there are lots of one's who still believe it's the truth and go because that's the done thing for weak ones, LOL! There again who knows out of all those once a yearers, which ones - are also doing the slow faded but not been able to pluck up the courage to stop altogether.
I suppose the non confrontational way for your friend to reject the memorial, would be to make sure she has something planned for that night. She can say she can not get out of it. Sorry but that's the only thing I can think of without directly saying I am not going.
Qwerty