I can't understand people who say shunning in that religion is voluntary. Ray Franz was disfellowshipped for refusing to shun a friend, that was the official reason anyway.
Of course people will eventually find out if a JW keeps seeing disfellowshipped or disassociated relatives, the way these cultists spy on one another. I can remember people going on at me at the KH because they'd seen me going into town several times a week to buy fresh bread! I didn't see them, they didn't come over and speak! Weird people always trying to catch you out.
Surely if relatives have gone because of changed beliefs they are viewed as apostates and JWs are forbidden from association with them or be classed as apostates themselves.
I think when you've been out a while it's easy to forget that atmosphere of fear and always looking over you shoulder. Following the shunning rules to many is a life or death matter. If they get chucked out for not shunning their everlasting life is at risk, panda paradise gone!