Posts by James87

75

Confused trying to understand JW GF or soon to be EX

by James87 in

i dont know where to start so why not at the beginning.

i was seeing this girl and we hit it off great chemistry.

it went from a physical to a deeper relationship.

James87

Hi guys i have come to terms with this being a lost cause with that said. The oddest thing happened yesterday almost out of the blues and not in what a felt was a sincere way she asked about wedding plans. Like do you have the date, do you have the ring. Mind you this is all after the yes no yes maybe who know only if you convert bs. I told her decemeber but no exact date and that those are things that are planed out together as a couple. We would need to look at rings together. I feel she got pissed that i threw the question back at her by being honest thats what couples do. Is this another one of those JW type test that try to show non JW are evil or untrust worthy ?

75

Confused trying to understand JW GF or soon to be EX

by James87 in

i dont know where to start so why not at the beginning.

i was seeing this girl and we hit it off great chemistry.

it went from a physical to a deeper relationship.

James87

Hi Nathan Nats i actually love your reply. Thanks for the hard love man. I didn't know how bad or how much of a cult JW is so originally i saw it just like a regular religion with differences thinking nothing about it. Yes i know nothing of cults and like Dubstepped said she is a damaged person. I do love her but with in limits and since im one foot out the door, deep down inside i know its not best for me to continue.

I never thought i would be in a situation where i lost someone i care about to a cult. I can understand losing a person in a relationship to another person as i have been on both sides of that equation. This has me at a loss of words. I do care about her but wont have her drag me down.

'Never allow someone to be your Priority while allowing yourself to be their Option", that quote keeps on coming back to me.

As for relationships or real relationships i have been in many and truth be told this started out more as a fling which grew into more than i anticipated. Something made me care more than i logically should have. No its not the pussy, some how she made something click in me but it takes two to tango and man i lost to a cult. Its just a hard concept to grasp considering i dont come from a JW background and never interacted with them. That whole bipolar love hate fun guilt dynamic thing is what killed me at the end here.

Hi Joe134cd no she is not from the Phillipines, she is hispanic. I know i am dodging a bullet in the long run but this still does sting.

75

Confused trying to understand JW GF or soon to be EX

by James87 in

i dont know where to start so why not at the beginning.

i was seeing this girl and we hit it off great chemistry.

it went from a physical to a deeper relationship.

James87

Hi JustFine, she left because of xyz reason but i do know she went back because she felt everything in her life was a mess. She was hurt she couldnt get me on the fast tract marriage idea and maybe out of despair went back but i cant speak for her on what when on her mind. The notion that she lives isolated, bad internet no real tv and unfortunately started reading the jw i guess from someone she knew before all lead to her going back from my view but who knows. Maybe had i said yes earlier she looks at JW like bleep this. I dont know. I honestly feel like she felt lost going no where and now with this faith that says just devote yourself to god and not studies maybe its like a cop out for her in that aspect?

I do care about her but also i know my limits and being cold but realistic if i look at this like Dubstepped said just the cost reward aspect and time lost opportunity cost would have had me out the door ages ago. Love does make us foolish at times

75

Confused trying to understand JW GF or soon to be EX

by James87 in

i dont know where to start so why not at the beginning.

i was seeing this girl and we hit it off great chemistry.

it went from a physical to a deeper relationship.

James87

Dubstepped if i met her today i would run for the hills but i know she is more than what she shows now and at times i feel like its im getting the person i met back but again as painful as it is i do need to be realistic which is why i know i have limits and have been preparing myself for this to get better or end. No one wants to torture themselfs

75

Confused trying to understand JW GF or soon to be EX

by James87 in

i dont know where to start so why not at the beginning.

i was seeing this girl and we hit it off great chemistry.

it went from a physical to a deeper relationship.

James87

Hi Just fine but because they prey on the weak doesnt that also imply the weak can be take out of it. She left before so odds are she can again. Yes i do love her and i do want to help her but thats something only she can do and we all have limits.

Joe134cd i think thats not a bad idea but at the same time i wonder if it makes sense to with the limited time i spend with her to do that instead of doing things that would bond us more. Then again maybe i am so wrong.

75

Confused trying to understand JW GF or soon to be EX

by James87 in

i dont know where to start so why not at the beginning.

i was seeing this girl and we hit it off great chemistry.

it went from a physical to a deeper relationship.

James87

Hi guys and gals thank you for all of your imput, please even if its dude run for the hill, run forest run i would greatly appreciate it. Any imput positive or negative is welcomed with open arm.

Maybe i can try to paint a better picture of what i believe is happening event wise as an understanding why she might have returned to the JW after years of inactivity. Granted when we met she never spoke of religion. When we finally met i guess one would say it was love at first sight on her part but for me it was like ok this person is nice lets take it from there. Analyzing her actions i feel she really did love me and to an extent still does but other factors in her life have been difficult. She lost her mother at a young age, she became the surrogate mother to her sister by default. Later i find out surprisingly she had a kid when she was like 16 but that she left the kid with her father and hasnt seen him in person since then. She entered this country by less than legal ways and thus was open to constant abuse at work in life in general. Life sucked which is why i feel she said bleep this and left the JW which is great. Now she meets me but wants everything on the fast tract to marriage ( before she went back to the JW) and little by little i started to sincerely fall for her. Its like an interesting case study just tying to see her past behavior and her behavior now. We talk of moving together but then when i say lets look for a place for us their was always a silence or a we will do it later type vibe. In hindsight i feel she wanted me to do everything and have her just set up camp in the house but thats not exactly right either. She mentions buying a house but while not dumb lacked the understanding of what that actually ment, loans, insurance, searching for the properties etc. I have a heart to heart talk to her about the future and our future, i have plans to get a J.D which is three years and i know it will be hard so i wanted her to be sure of what this means. Also i wanted something better for her, she currently works in the house cleaning market but is capable of so much more. I mentioned she might consider a BSN or a ADA in the medical field to get paid better, to have health insurance and more stability in her life. She said yes but months later threw that back at my face. Later i realize that was part of the JW doctrine, higher education it seems is frowned upon. Its funny she even tried to talk to me saying just stick to business which you are good at no need to become a lawyer, i told her i know i am capable of so much more, it would be crime for me given such talents and gifts not to put them to their best use. ( i know i can do it i think, but i also know it will be hard as hell, its not impossible but i know it will cost me tooth and nails to accomplish but accomplish it i will even if it kills me, sorry that did sound arrogant guys, i know its not easy )That response ended that strive for less talk ever again. Little by little she was hitting at changes but since i am not that religious to begin with and her being vague i had no idea what that meant. The whole lets get married quickly set off red alert flags but had she painted it in the context of my faith needs me too, i want you by my side as my husband with more communication yes it would have happened ( with a prenup obviously) but instead she went to her zelot side almost like the dark side and well the goal post was moved to from december of this year to in the future to only if you become baptized. Things to an extent has gotten better in her life and she feels that is because she is following JW not because logically she is the one doing the hard work for things to happen, she is the one talking and paying an attorney to get a work permit, not Jehovah. She is the one who will finally have a valid drivers license which she has fought for and i have helped with info books etc but in her mind its JW rewarding her.

For all of these reason i feel yet i could just be a fool that she can walk away from the JW but that would need time and effort. From my understanding even her sis is not a JW. From my limited view of her life and i am the person i think she spends the most time with she is all alone. She drowns herself in JW literature because her current rental location has bad internet and no real tv not to mention she gets home tired. I see her as someone stranded on an island to a degree. That always by herself life makes it hard for her to accept anyone yet with me when we meet its like little kids together. Happy affectionate not perfect but who is. For those reasons i feel their is hope. She left JW for a reason years ago and when i am firmer with her ( but not dominating or physical just like babe we are doing this as an example she listens)

At the same time i not that much a fool in love because i do realize major red flags and for that reason not knowing what version of her i will get i am literally one foot in and one foot out the door. Trying to see something together like a Disney movie becomes a problem because of allegedly a character is gay in the remake of a wonderful animated tale does raise eyebrows for me. Beauty and the Beast is a story about love, how one should not judge people by their appearances, the ability to change yet some how that might be satanic is insanity in my mind. Also i know i am not ugly but im not prince charming either ( it sounds arrogant but thats not my intent) So people tell me i look good ok i guess im just me. Comically because life is full of ironies my previous Ex is trying to reach out to me and no i dont want anything to do with her but just the comical irony of it all. With ease i could leave one for the other but i wont because i have finally matured and i feel i see something in this girl but i do realize their are issues. Maybe things work out maybe they dont but i feel i need to try my best (with in limits) instead of taking the easy way out. Sadly i do feel like i am reaching my limits with the constant yes no dynamic.

Sorry for the rant and venting out but i welcome all advice from either run to fight or even better an explanation of why she is acting in a certain way because of the jw doctrines.

75

Confused trying to understand JW GF or soon to be EX

by James87 in

i dont know where to start so why not at the beginning.

i was seeing this girl and we hit it off great chemistry.

it went from a physical to a deeper relationship.

James87

Hi Out4good4 i just read some of the SD-7 post here and it is sad. From the tread i got these two quotes that resinated with me

'Never allow someone to be your Priority while allowing yourself to be their Option"

But for you, my friend, I will tell you what my mom tells me when things have been difficult in my marriage. "You will know when you've had enough.

It seems like Sd-7 is a man on a mission and i hope he is happy. I cant say i am a good guy here since i am more on the tactical person but yes i am an idiot in love. Why did i have to fall for her?

I feel like a Wolf in sheeps clothing over there. If i didnt really love her i would have dumped her a long time ago and even with love i feel like i am one foot in and one foot out the door with her with all this constant yes no yes dynamic

At times in the meeting i feel like say guys thats not right. Like a few meeting ago they were talking about how Christ was not crucified on a cross. In my mind im like guys, the Romans where vicious and ruthless. They wanted someones death to be as painful and shocking to all to see. Just from a historical point of view the whole put up on a poll thing makes no sense to me. Thats like a simple red alert type moment. Or the whole lets just pass the bread and wine but not touch it when the bible says if you eat my bread and wine etc.

The things we do for the ones we love but even love like people have limits

75

Confused trying to understand JW GF or soon to be EX

by James87 in

i dont know where to start so why not at the beginning.

i was seeing this girl and we hit it off great chemistry.

it went from a physical to a deeper relationship.

James87

Hi MissFit i think you are right about this :

"She is being told she needs to prove her love and loyalty to the organization and God. If she chooses you she has abandoned her god and sided with Satan and will be judged unworthy of everlasting life.

But if she can "save " you and get you baptized and in good standing, she can marry you with a clean conscience. Right now she can't tell you that because she needs to tell the elders that you are really honest hearted and not studying just to marry her.

She can't sit by you at the meetings because that is a declaration of dating or commitment ,which she can't do because you are not baptized. It's about appearances."

Its all about appearances, she always tells me be discreet about talking about her. Things of that nature. I do love her and i do want to marry her but at the same time its very hard to propose to a person acting this way. When we where intimate we clicked great but after months of lack of intimacy this yes no yes roller coaster ride its hard for me to do a marriage proposal. I feel like i am rewarding bad behavior. I can act the part in church with ease and sincerely i am not really a religious person but i do try to be a good person. Try to be a better version of me everyday but some days are harder than others.

75

Confused trying to understand JW GF or soon to be EX

by James87 in

i dont know where to start so why not at the beginning.

i was seeing this girl and we hit it off great chemistry.

it went from a physical to a deeper relationship.

James87

Mis Worldly, it is hard fighting for someone like this. What i dont understand is why and who would tell her no to associate with me. The people in that JW hall seem happy to see me there in the meeting and sunday mass. I under stand looks can be deceiving but im playing my part so far, using there own words when they ask me about my impression of the services and they come out happy. I dont get the logic in trying to alienate someone that is with them so far. The crazy part is i think its her own interpretation of what she is reading that is the conflict here about not associating with me but i could be so wrong, im only a very flawed human.

Its all a mess honestly and after trying to get some sleep on the issue i feel just as lost as before. I truly wonder if the rush to get married was sincere or in a way her version of fighting to keep us as a couple. I dont understand why the more direct blunt approach was not taken by her here instead of vague semi threats of changes. The simple if you love me we need to get married now because the faith i am going back to wont allow us to be together if we dont get married. Simple black and white answer not a vague threat of change.

Its like a constant battle with her, some days are great others are bad. I do feel she loves me but i do wonder what love means to her. Something as simple as last night i make the effort to see her because i had to run errands in that area and she rejects that ( i head the tear of her crying) but then agrees for the weekend and stresses she wanted to know when i got home because it was raining. A sign of concern? a sign of being worried i will replace her? At the same time im getting hit complemented on by other people who havent seen me in a while ( im just a normal guy) , i go to the mall to walk inside and wait out the rain and i feel sadness when i see couples in the mall walking together holding hands and here im making the effort to see her. If you love someone you want to spend time with them right?

This morning she texted me first and even went out of her way to call me which is her version of reaching out and she sound happy on the phone etc but then gets mad when i offer to help her look for a new place to rent since she is unhappy in her current location. i quote " why do you try to get into everything in my life" mind you two mins ago she is all happy. Mind you this is someone who says they love me to the point of tears yesterday then another two mins later is asking me to help her with her cell phone issue. Its like waves or a roller coaster with this person at times. Its like don't get involved then later get involved then later why didnt you get involved. Honestly i feel like this is Karma for all the things i have done before. The interesting thing i found out is she want to find a place very far away from the JW center ( rent prices is cheaper in another part of the city). Maybe this is a little break in her, i doubt she will drive down this far since she hates driving to begin with so maybe its a sub conscious way of her to slowly walk away from this? Then again it could be her trying to get away from me. I feel like a tormented soul at times. One day its like lets go to Disney, then well we can only go on a group, then well we can only go on our honeymoon. This year started with lets travel, lets go to NY, to Chicago, now its like we cant travel together until we are married. Just so many contradictions. I can tell she is conflicted because i think she loves me but man what a mess.

75

Confused trying to understand JW GF or soon to be EX

by James87 in

i dont know where to start so why not at the beginning.

i was seeing this girl and we hit it off great chemistry.

it went from a physical to a deeper relationship.

James87

Saethydd i do feel like i can get her out of this religion but only living with her married to her because the whole progress i make in one day gets washed a way the next day. Its just hard and frustrating. At times i try not to think about it because it is so messed up. Its like a constant battle but i might be wrong.

Village Idiot you do have a point i might be totally wrong but if someone changes so drastically they can change again. From what i believe i know of her because she is very similar to me i think that is very much possible. Part of her desire to go back to the JW is because honestly she had a hard life on so many levels and a times i was not always there for her. Little by little i was more there for her but she had already made up her mind and made her drastic changes. Its funny you bring up children because even her former friends are like can you imagine having a child with her? Not in a good way is that said.

Maybe its a blessing in disguise to walk away but i feel so torn. I normally i have no problems ending things, yet something about her made me stay though all this mess. I feel so conflicted not to mention the whole constant stabbed in the heart with her day and night changes in character. Maybe getting some sleep will give me some peace to this mess i am in. Thank you all for hearing me and please reply with anything and everything. I truly am torn here.