Posts by longgone

10

Picking up the pieces

by longgone in

just needing a listening ear, so in advance thanks for being here, no one other than ex-jw's could understand.

they may try, but i think only a person who lived through it could know what's its really like.. i wish i could be supporting others here but i'm so broken myself i can't seem to do that yet.

i hope that will come in time though.. for now, i'm trying to undo the damage done to my family by the wts.

Saethydd, thank you for your input, I'm making small steps in making new friends, also I started volunteering at one of the elementary schools helping second graders with math. We have fun together and I'm happy to do something for them in a small way. Great suggestions, thank you.

10

Picking up the pieces

by longgone in

just needing a listening ear, so in advance thanks for being here, no one other than ex-jw's could understand.

they may try, but i think only a person who lived through it could know what's its really like.. i wish i could be supporting others here but i'm so broken myself i can't seem to do that yet.

i hope that will come in time though.. for now, i'm trying to undo the damage done to my family by the wts.

longgone

Thank you Ding, I'm trying to let go of the guilt, they aren't blaming me. It's just me working through it. I hadn't thought of my therapist being able to advise. I can call tomorrow, thank you.

10

Picking up the pieces

by longgone in

just needing a listening ear, so in advance thanks for being here, no one other than ex-jw's could understand.

they may try, but i think only a person who lived through it could know what's its really like.. i wish i could be supporting others here but i'm so broken myself i can't seem to do that yet.

i hope that will come in time though.. for now, i'm trying to undo the damage done to my family by the wts.

longgone

Just needing a listening ear, so in advance thanks for being here, no one other than ex-jw's could understand. They may try, but I think only a person who lived through it could know what's its really like.

I wish I could be supporting others here but I'm so broken myself I can't seem to do that yet. I hope that will come in time though.

For now, I'm trying to undo the damage done to my family by the WTS. At least now that I'm out I won't be creating any further disasters.

I have so much guilt that I raised my kids in that crazy cult. Because I was third generation, I knew nothing else. But that doesn't change it, the damage is already done. Fortunately, they all left before they were reached twenties. It may appear that by leaving so young they would be OK. But, those early years is when the personality is formed, education choices, the whole thing. Everyone here is healing.

Yet, at this moment my youngest only 19, recently married, and now expecting a baby is in financial crisis. As in, the power was shut off today at their apartment. $600.00 to get it back on. Past due rent, $500.00. And both of them possibly coming to stay with me tonight. They can't stay here for any length of time, my lease doesn't allow it.

Yet, it's so easy for people in general and even some family members to say it's her own fault. They say she made bad choices and there is no point in me trying to defend her to them. I've tried. I'm the cause, I think. She has some mental health issues, as do I. I'm much better now after years of therapy. I'm down to only one medication. I've been stable for two years.

Is this because of being raised in a cult? Hmm, well if anyone outside the organization were to view the video on JWFacts called something like "Growing up as a Jehovah's Witness" (not sure exactly) they could see the potential psychological effects. It's a crazy religion. All of my years in therapy I never suspected it was the root issue. Who would? But, now that I've left, talked with my psychiatrist, therapist(s) it's all come together. They were appalled by the video, it mirrors my life. The teachings, attitudes, everything I was taught and believed is incredibly twisted. My doctor, and therapists are attributing my problems to it. But, it's in the past, already I've become so much better. After only one month out last April, there have been no more anxiety attacks. I can think clearly, I'm not afraid of dying at Armageddon, I'm not being constantly lectured that I'm not doing enough, and the list goes on...

I can think for myself at last instead of hoping Jah would do something useful, knowing he never had. I no longer believe in God, what a relief! I'm not helplessly in someone else's control.

I'm actually able to at least help my daughter figure out how to get out of this disaster, and hopefully prevent it from happening again. Though I don't know how really. She has walked away from an ideal situation living with a good friend, her second Mom. Much better than me. But she returned from there, Florida, to a not so great city in the Midwest. No opportunities. Friends who are dysfunctional, like herself, like me. That's not sound thinking. It's illogical. No one would choose chaos of they really understood what was going on. I gave/give love, but how to live in the real world, I didn't. I'm barely learning now myself. I'm receiving SSI for my mental health issues. No, it's not visible, I'm not socially odd. But, I'm just now learning how to keep myself intact. This little daughter is everything to me, and she loves me, we'll get through this. I know we will. Every day is a step forward. We're learning. So glad my other two are alright.

Just pointing out that though the religion may not be entirely at fault, it's a major reason. Thankfully, it's rare for JW's overall to get to this extreme point.

Also, I am embarrassed to admit the above, about my mental health, or lack thereof, but it is part of the subject I stated with. Just how difficult it is to pick up the pieces after the influence of my lifetime and my family's in the supposed "Truth." I would appreciate any advice related to how to improve this situation going forward. I'm done with lamenting to myself and therapists about the past, it's gone. It's over, it's all a matter getting on with living.

Thank you for listening and any thoughts/suggestions.

26

Do you think I should get something for my wife for her birthday?

by schnell in

jw
friends

my wife is still nominally in, but only because it "makes me (her) happy".

there is nothing academic about her beliefs and when i try, she interprets me as negative.. but then she cusses like a sailor and watches certain movies with me.

her birthday is coming up and it's also right around valentine's day.

longgone

I agree with wrapping it up really pretty, she'll love it!

62

What have been some of the funniest local needs talks that you have heard?

by DaPriest in

i remember once in berlin south germany there was a local needs part for the men only, and how they should use the toilet.

in all seriousness for ten minutes a retarded nigerian was going on about how men need to sit down when using the toilet.

no mention of anything else.. it transpired that some little kraut boy from an "interested" family would aim for the side of the toilet and leave a great big puddle for others to clean up.

longgone

Dogs. The CO actually lectured about how the Bible had " nothing good to say about dogs." He went on to point out several scriptures to back up his personal dislike for them. How ridiculous.

Shoes. While staying with a family during one of his visits (free, nice meals included) he counted an excessive number of shoes in the sister's closet.

55

Why so few XJWs online?

by StephaneLaliberte in

not too long ago, i posted a topic where i pointed out that there are about 1 million xjws alive right now.

that number only represented the disfellowshipped ones... didn't account for those who had become publishers and left or anyone else who got hurt by that group by proxy.

so, why are there so few of them online?

longgone

I think as was mentioned, some of those who were DF are still in pain regardless of how long ago it was. Posting about those feelings means reliving them. One of my close family members is that way.

I know many who have left that were never baptized. They were raised in the "truth" or around it and that in itself has seriously damaged them. They don't want to talk or think about it. This must apply even more so those who were officially disfellowshipped.

Another reason, as was also brought up are those who have been DF, yet are going back. I personally know some of them don't have any disagreement with the WT organization. Unfortunately, they feel they have sinned and accept the judicial committees decision. They sit meekly in the back row until they are reinstated. These wouldn't be participating or even looking at ex-jw sites online, as they don't consider themselves as such. Maybe someday, they will see the TTATT and find support groups such as this. At that point it could be a lifesaver for them as it has been for me. I'm one who really needs to express my feelings, have them validated by others (like on this forum) who have gone through this and come out to live happier lives.

23

Internally rolling my eyes.. Get this

by raven in

a bit of an update, last weekend was my great grandmothers funeral, now, she was never a jw, and never was going to be, no matter how hard my mother, and grandmother tried to preach to her, she was the type of person that would kindly accept a wt or a book, but she wouldn't bother reading them.. anyways, she was a great wonderful and inspiring woman, the funeral was extremely sad, she had been a school teacher for over 35 years and a member of various clubs, so there were a lot of folks besides family that attended.. well, anyways i was there and so was my jw mother, stepfather, and grandmother, we were cordial, didn't talk about anything jw related because, it was great grandmothers funeral, not really a time to discuss how i am an evil sinner, or how i've escaped the org by avoiding df'ing, right?

wrong, as i'm sitting waiting for the service to begin, a lady shows up, now- i have known this woman for a long time, apparently she baby sat me as a small child, (like i remember?

) so she isn't someone i was ever close with, but knew of her or when she was around would say hi to and make small talk.. to give you a tid-bit on her personality though, she is one of those crazy jw's.. she claims to have been possessed by a demon, very very wacky on the prophesies, or gb talks, etc.

longgone

Hi Raven,

I'm sorry you've lost your great grandmother, it sounds like you have many good things to remember about her.

Take care.

8

Any updates on Vaping?

by longgone in

i was wondering if the gb has forbidden vaping yet, so i did a search.

there was a thread from a year ago, the comments covered all the bases i suspected the wt would come up with.

i'm out, so it doesn't really matter to me.

longgone

Yes you're right, I didn't say nicotine free juice, and that's what I meant.

Sorry I was unclear. 😔 I know that they ban nicotine, but the other juice they could only say "worldly" or some extension of that, I guess.

8

Any updates on Vaping?

by longgone in

i was wondering if the gb has forbidden vaping yet, so i did a search.

there was a thread from a year ago, the comments covered all the bases i suspected the wt would come up with.

i'm out, so it doesn't really matter to me.

longgone

I was wondering if the GB has forbidden vaping yet, so I did a search. There was a thread from a year ago, the comments covered all the bases I suspected the WT would come up with. 😑

I'm out, so it doesn't really matter to me. My youngest adult daughter and her friends all vape. It's something of a hobby for them, the events, the online groups, etc. If I take an interest in it, and (maybe) vape occasionally myself it could be a shared interest.

If the WT leaders have decided on making it a formal disfellowshipping position, then it's just another inconsistency in their self-serving rules. It's none of their business in the first place.

14

How to believe you deserve to relax

by rebel8 in

jw
friends

i was brainwashed to believe you generally shouldn't relax much.. demons can enter you if you meditate or even relax your brain too much for one second.

always be on guard.. scriptures criticizing laziness were repeated often.

https://www.openbible.info/topics/laziness "be kind to yourself" and all that.. you need to strenuously exert yourself for jehoopla and you're worthless if you don't.. most forms of fun were extinguished.

longgone

So glad you brought this up rebel8. I can fully relate. I've struggled with this as a born in and still am as I'm fading. (Eight months now, yay!) Meditation has helped me immensely, epecially at first. What you said schnell mirrors my own experience.

The GB tries to make just about everything have some tie to the demons! I'm surprised we were allowed to brush our teeth. Surely they could have fabricated a connection somehow. 🙌