Hi Midnight,
Welcome. I'm a still in witness...new I might add too. You will get a lot of good information from this forum & others as well that tell the truth about the truth.
I don't believe this is God's org. I don't believe God is partial in that way because humans have a problem with pride & boasting. So when I made that decision it wasn't God's org. I began to relax a bit. I feel many witnesses are witnesses for many reasons & one is being a part of God's org. is a badge of honor. The question if it wasn't would some of them still be there. When you were in what was your motivation, did you believe you were in God's org. or was it that you felt superior to others. I feel if you want to serve God, you do it because you LOVE him. Not because some human has said God chose us....& it's the truth...the truth is not a doctrine or an organization but the truth is in you Midnight....the bible is a mirror of who you really are, not who you are at the hall. The scriptures reveal the truth about you. Churches, synagogues & other places of worship only have pieces of the puzzle, you have to put it together yourself.
I'm trying to get to your core of who you really are....dig deep into yourself. Do you Love God? Do you think God is the God that the JW's portray, some type of God that we obey silently, like an Idol. God wants us to interact with him...we see that from the OT...The Jews spoke to God, even if they were wrong.
God loves us unconditionally, he doesn't care what denomination you are. When it's time for you to account for yourself..being a JW isn't a password. It's what type of person you were here on earth. So you say, if you leave how could you fill the gap....ever thought of giving back without counting time ? The world is full places where you CAN SERVE...To serve someone else & to give of yourself makes one come out of themselves. You could go to a hospital & volunteer...read to the elderly, hold a child that had an addictive parent, there is so much in a hospital & or nursing home you could do. Soup kitchen, helping homeless, helping those who have drug problems, again, so much to do...but Midnight, you will be doing this for God and mankind...& guess what? This is not about counting time. In this life, you will serve somebody.
My take on religion...when man tells you what God wants, it's usually what they want. The issue of your mortality, this is something no one knows .....can you live with that? Does the fact that we may not come back scare you, well Midnight, join the rest of the world...Death is a scary thing...we can't imagine that our magnificent self will never come back. Think about this nobody ever came back to tell us. That is one of the mysteries of life we all have to deal with. JW's just want to tie it all up in a bow & say, don't worry, you'll come back.
Midnight, you cannot exist in this world without strength. Being a witness makes you weak to deal with everyday life, they stick their heads in the sand & just wait, but when the tough times come they can't handle it so they say, they'll be glad when the new system comes. Midnight, witnesses will say that with the least inconvenience they experience...don't let them have to wait on line or the waitress took too long, or if they have to pay a bill. This life we live now takes Faith and each time we go through something it makes us stronger, one can't be stronger if anytime a little inconvenience arises, they whine & call for a new system. Do you want to be strong to make it until the new system if it in deed happen ?
You ask how to fill the void....again I say do something for others that you don't have to count. Many of witness still don't know that the ransom is a gift & you don't have to work for it. This may be hard for you, some witnesses have not forgiven themselves so they feel going out preaching they can work their guilt off. Again, I'm trying to appeal to your inner most self. Why were you a witness, how did you treat people who were not a witness, you see if you don't address these things, you won't be a witness anymore but you'll still have traits of being superior.
Don't be afraid of life...this is all we have for now...The bible is to help one through life & it shows how we are to treat one another. The org. wants folks to be morally clean, but what I find, that this makes one bitter. Have you noticed some of the witnesses are bitter ? Notice who witnesses are...do you want to be a judgmental person or a person like Jesus. He didn't belong to an org. he preached to everyone, he helped & healed everyone, he touched lepers, all this & he knew he was sent to die, did Jesus have an issue with mortality, how did Jesus cope with what was going on in his day. Did he join a group who only stuck with each other...Midnight, read the Greek scriptures & read them for what they are, leave the JW literature alone...The bible is really a simple book, but the hard part is to do it.
Yes, get help, but when you do take the help....in the end, the bible is what you follow, not man, isn't it in the bible that man cannot direct his own steps ?
I think I wrote too much, but I hope I gave you something to think about...SERVE SOMEONE, NOT YOURSELF.
Tor