Posts by dontfitin

27

I dont know how i can leave my family!

by BlackWolf in

jw
friends

my mom and i were talking today about how next summer i will be 18 and she said that just thinking about it might make her cry.

that made me think about how much more it would hurt her if i quit being a jw.

i really do love my parents, i know they are just being cruelly manipulated by a cult and that they really think they are doing what is best for me.

dontfitin

Did I miss if you were baptized? My daughter 17 just a few months ago told her dad that she doesn't intend on staying a JW after she is 18. She is not baptized (thank goodness...) Dad is still a believer, I am not but still attend.

Of course it has been hard. Hardest of all for my daughter is that she loves her dad, and knows that he wonders if he was a bad father because of her not wanting to stay at the KH. But... because dad is a good man, he recognizes that she has not been happy for a long time. That is because she has been pretty honest with us about feeling left out, feeling pressured, never feeling good enough. He knows she hasn't been happy, and there is a part of him that very much wants her to be.

There have been lots of discussions, stressful but necessary. She has shared with him that he really did teach her to love God, and to try to be a good person, and that will always be with her. She just has to find her own way, and she doesn't plan on running amok to do so.

We have worked together to set parameters of what is acceptable or not in our house. Dad is not expecting her to continue going to meetings, and he is aware and prepared to take the flak for that from the elders. He does expect her to still adhere to some basic values - no drinking, no drugs, no blatant sexual activity that he has to confront. We are working it through. If she doesn't want to honor those, then after high school graduation she needs to start making some plans. She won't be kicked out, but understands that won't be best here and she will need to find her own place. Otherwise, she can stay here as long as she wants/needs to.

Just wanted to share that it doesn't always end with a kid getting kicked out. Real love sometimes wins out.

Good luck!

18

Peer Pressure amongst witnesses

by stuckinarut2 in

have you noticed just how strong peer pressure is amongst witnesses?.

the desire to match or better one another's "spiritual accomplishments" or decisions in life?.

pioneering - because it is the "right" thing to do.. answering at meetings...perhaps multiple times - because it is the "right" thing to do.. choice of employment.

dontfitin

This is what basically kicked my daughter out the door. She would have been happy at the hall, she is not a big "questioner". But she wasn't a big field service fan, and wants to go to college. The horror!

All she ever got was how she should be pioneering, how she was worldly to want to go to college, how she was worldly for even enjoying school, she should hate it like everyone else.. Constant. Always left out of things, in spite of not doing anything wrong - except not conforming to these "unofficial" rules.

My DH was so surprised she wants nothing to do with them anymore. It's for the best, but still... I wish those bozos could see what they are doing. Maybe that is what they want though, to have only the uber-dubs left, and everyone else gone. That's where it's going anyway.

11

Will this faded JW be DF?

by thedepressedsoul in

i have a friend who has been inactive for going over 2 years.

him and his wife split, she stayed a jw and he left and lived with a worldly girl.

he timed it so that he was officially inactive by the time him and his wife split.

dontfitin

Sir82 is correct. My mother was DF after 6 years of no association. When I mention that, I have elders tell me, oh, that wouldn't happen now. Um, so is someone going to go back and fix that? I think not. Everyone is still supposed to treat her as DF. So would've should've doesn't make much difference does it?

14

Elder School Video

by dontfitin in

jw
friends

hope you guys can help me find something.

there was a video circulating about three years ago showing a sample judicial meeting, which basically ended up with the other elders slamming the one guy who was trying to be somewhat merciful.

of course the person was df'd.. my husband said at the meeting they actually had a talk saying that now the elders look for any reason not to df, etc.,etc.. i am trying to find that video.

dontfitin

Thanks so much for the help. He's not an elder, he hasn't seen it already. He's not even an MS. He always cared more about building up our family than about service time, so he never had enough hours. He is one of those "older men" who "never reached out". In reality of course, he is a gem.

14

Elder School Video

by dontfitin in

jw
friends

hope you guys can help me find something.

there was a video circulating about three years ago showing a sample judicial meeting, which basically ended up with the other elders slamming the one guy who was trying to be somewhat merciful.

of course the person was df'd.. my husband said at the meeting they actually had a talk saying that now the elders look for any reason not to df, etc.,etc.. i am trying to find that video.

dontfitin

Freddo, husband sees the problems but wants very badly to believe. He responds best to neutrally presented facts. I could tell him about the video, but it will mean much more if he sees it himself.

14

Elder School Video

by dontfitin in

jw
friends

hope you guys can help me find something.

there was a video circulating about three years ago showing a sample judicial meeting, which basically ended up with the other elders slamming the one guy who was trying to be somewhat merciful.

of course the person was df'd.. my husband said at the meeting they actually had a talk saying that now the elders look for any reason not to df, etc.,etc.. i am trying to find that video.

dontfitin

Hope you guys can help me find something. There was a video circulating about three years ago showing a sample judicial meeting, which basically ended up with the other elders slamming the one guy who was trying to be somewhat merciful. Of course the person was df'd.

My husband said at the meeting they actually had a talk saying that now the elders look for any reason NOT to df, etc.,etc.

I am trying to find that video. Any help is appreciated!

37

A question about fading....

by Tornintwo in

jw
friends

i understand that many on this forum are undertaking a slow fade, over months, years even.. can i ask what is the benefit of that instead of a fast fade?.

as i understand it, the elders only have to deal judicially with people who are still active witnesses, known in the community as witnesses, having contact and influence with witnesses etc.

so surely the sooner you stop attending meetings the better.

dontfitin

It very much depends on the elder group. My mom hadn't been to a meeting in over 7 years, had no contact with anyone in the congregation except for family, and kept a very low profile. She was still df'd when someone saw her smoking in a public place.

10

Neglect of Adolescents by the WTBTS - Excellent Article

by Tornintwo in

i have been thinking a lot about the lack of support, judgement and criticism of teenagers in the organisation.

i am dealing with the fallout of these policies with my two adolescents...i found this excellent article this morning which is worth a read for anyone interested in this topic - see the links below but first i also wanted to add my own bugbear, forgive the rant: .

a key factor which isn't mentioned in the article is the 'bad association' rule and it's extended application.

dontfitin

TornInTwo, you are spot on with your assessment. For the last 5 years I have watched the congregation do nothing but push my 16 year old to the door. Even my husband who still believes has been shaken by this. I have focused on making sure she has a relationship with God separate from the org, so that hopefully she can survive this transition.

I am torn between being happy for her that she will be free, but heartbroken at the pain she is being put through.

45

Critique of the lastest New World Translation?

by dontfitin in

hi, i'm a long-time lurker who is still in due to family.

i'm hoping someone here can help me.. is there anywhere online that i can find a critique of the new bible revision?

one of the things that really got me was when i researched about the new world translation and found how there was no basis for adding jehovah's name in the new testament, and then other areas where they translated to accommodate their interpretation.

dontfitin

Thank you all for the information. I am not focused exclusively on the trinity issues right now. For example, even finding about about "coming to know you" being translated for so long as "taking in knowledge" was disturbing to me. Glad they corrected it, but for so long it was used to say, "see, study the Bible with us!"

Some of these other types of translations might be easier to bring up with my husband. He obviously doesn't believe in the trinity, so he is more likely to "support" those changes. But if I can show him there are other "not honest" translations or adding, it may start to open his mind.

For example, when Saul consults the spirit medium and it said he spoke to Samuel, the gray bible now has Samuel in quote marks "Samuel". Presumably to make it clear he was not really speaking to Samuel. It is fine to explain that interpretation, but not justified to just add quote marks where none are indicated. Things like that.

45

Critique of the lastest New World Translation?

by dontfitin in

hi, i'm a long-time lurker who is still in due to family.

i'm hoping someone here can help me.. is there anywhere online that i can find a critique of the new bible revision?

one of the things that really got me was when i researched about the new world translation and found how there was no basis for adding jehovah's name in the new testament, and then other areas where they translated to accommodate their interpretation.

dontfitin

Faye, yes, I caught the "other" thing. That was one thing that worried me, at least previously they indicated when they added a word, now they don't even bother.