Terry,
Please don’t take offense (none is intended), but “to me” it reads like it’s been written by two different people.
Again, “to me”, the first half reads more like a screen play than it does a novel. It also seems to have a few to many “like Aaaaa’s” in it. Too many of them tend to clutter up a nice flow of mental pictures as opposed to enhancing them. It’s like watching a slide show as opposed to watching a movie.
The second half reads much better and allows for a better flow of thought and attention to action points.
That’s just my take on it and I’m an artist not a writer…….sooooo whatever.
I hope that doesn’t offend you, it’s just one guy’s opinion. Over all, I think you did a good job and it will be really good when it’s done.
Take care,
Dave
seven006
JoinedPosts by seven006
-
40
EXCERPT from my novel: I WEPT BY THE WATERS OF BABYLON
by Terry inexcerpt from novel:.
mathis, shaking like a landed fish, stood beside a crooked tree.
danny found him there.. "you hurt?
-
-
seven006
-
86
WILL YOU kindly help me?
by Terry ini've finished writing my novel (50 thousand words) about my years spent in federal correctional prison when i was an obedient little jw.. the editing and rewriting stage now commences.. i need your help!.
here is how you can help me.. i can't know what an outside mind wants to find out concerning this experience.
i can only conjure up what seems interesting to me.. tell me what you want to know about such a personal experience.. that will give me a checklist to compare to what i've written already.. i may have missed many little details which are very important to a reader.. i may have neglected essential questions which must be answered in order to satisfy the mind.. please offer me your curiousity.. thanking you in advance; i appreciate your taking the time to advance my novel to the finish line.. (i wrote it as a fictional work because i could not honestly write about myself without the distance of this device.. so, i made myself into a character with a different name.. the identity of everyone else is non-fiction.
-
-
seven006
Terry,
First of all, the place you were at was/is called a “correctional” prison. Do you feel you have been corrected? What was it they did there in an attempt to correct you? Did they just leave you and everyone else in a state of survival mode?
Second, Fiction?
I read your explanation of why you wrote it as fiction. I think that is a mistake. Buck up Mr. reader/writer. I think the “this is based on a true story” scenario makes it less interesting and less marketable.
Let the reader see it through a set of real eyes, not simi-fictional ones. You are too good of a writer to take the fiction route on an actual real life experience. Make your next book fiction.
That’s just one guy’s opinion.
Good luck with it.
Dave -
72
Minimus and me
by seven006 inhe told me that the thread he started yesterday tell me what you think of certain posters had been locked because some people though the bantering between he and i was serious.
im sorry but i laughed.
a lot.
-
-
seven006
Min,
Say what you wish. I don’t care.
According to the statistics section of this board you average 11.69 posts a day. What in the hell are you crying about? You have been restricted to only 25. Alert the media and book some time on Oprah.!
So what, some mod may not be all that crazy about you and watches you at night for stupid stuff. You are the second most prolific poster in the history of this board next to Blondie. If you want to stay under the radar for a while, don’t be so got damned prominent.
I love ya buddy but I ain’t going to cry for you on this one.
And stop with the “well if Blondie said it” Bull sh*t. (there I go with that stupid asterisk thing again). You’re a big boy and I love ya but this is getting stupid. Quit being a sheep!
This thread has been viewed 1,107 times at the time I made this specific post on this thread. See if anyone else makes a post on it after I type this, then you will know.
THIS THREAD IS DONE! NO MORE POSTING ON IT!!!!!!!!
--- This should be interesting --- -
72
Minimus and me
by seven006 inhe told me that the thread he started yesterday tell me what you think of certain posters had been locked because some people though the bantering between he and i was serious.
im sorry but i laughed.
a lot.
-
-
seven006
Undercover,
That was mean, uncalled for, unnecessary, and funny as hell!
Purple grandma babe looks to have all her teeth. She must have been raised in another state.
Min, I’m so sorry if I hurt your feelings. Seriously buddy, I am. You know me, I woulden’t hur…………..waite a second…………you are at your new post limit for the day?......................................Haaaaaa haaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa snickeeeeeeeeereer laugh, laugh, caugh. cough.
Poor Minni can’t post anymore today!!!!!!!!!! That’s what you get for posting someone else’s post because they couldn’t! When are you going to learn dipstick?
Min, It’s all in ones delivery. Content is secondary. My cussing is because…..because…..I couldn’t spell worth a damn as a kid so the only words that I knew how to spell were four letters or less.
It’s not my fault!............I was raised in a CULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Didn’t you learn anything from giving talk # 5’s?
NOooooooooooo………..… you wanted to become an elder and thought Watchtower BS content in Sunday Morning talks were more important!!!! They had content…..they were loooooooong. You got show off your new JC Penny suit longer!
I never even made it to becoming a lackey MS servant because I hated going out in service. Hated, hated, hated it! So I didn’t get the official hours to qualify.
Sooooooooo I couldn’t be an MS.
Now I have MS……………maybe it’s a sign from god.
(a Dave prayer) Dear god, please forgive me for giving my buddy Minimus so much sh*t today. I used an asterisk for the letter “i” just then cuz I ain’t suppose to cuss on this board. You know what I mean though don’t’ca god? When people cuss on this board they use that star shaped asterisk thing but you and I know, it ain’t fool’n anybody. You know it cuz you're god. I know it cuz…..well……just cuz.
Please send down a lighting bolt to zap my ass. I deserve it. Really I do. Ask anyone, they’ll all tell ya Dave deserves his ass zapped. He hurt Minimus.
-Amen-
Dave -
72
Minimus and me
by seven006 inhe told me that the thread he started yesterday tell me what you think of certain posters had been locked because some people though the bantering between he and i was serious.
im sorry but i laughed.
a lot.
-
-
seven006
“Does this mean your feud will be passed onto the grandchildren?”
The feud IS the grandchildren. That’s what cynical and sarcastic middle aged guys feud about. It’s our job.
“She has some very beautiful eyes! Hard to top them!”
-purps
Told ya!
Min has pictures of his cute little granddaughter “Baby Baldy” that he sent me. She is kicking back smoking a big stogie with her alleged grandpa Minimus.
I feel really bad for her. I’m sure it is very hard for a little kid like that to sit still in the arms of pure ugliness and not cry all the time. -
72
Minimus and me
by seven006 inhe told me that the thread he started yesterday tell me what you think of certain posters had been locked because some people though the bantering between he and i was serious.
im sorry but i laughed.
a lot.
-
-
seven006
"Just to set matters straight once and for all on this board or elsewhere: my granddaughter is the prettiest, smartest and most talented of all! And that's a fact!"
-Changeling
Get a grip people. My little grand daughter is the best little kid in the whole world. I have photos to prove it!
http://www.maloneillustration.com/aunna1.html
(if a mod sees this, can they make it clickable for me?) your wish is my command
She loves her grampa, her daddy, and her uncle Abe. She doesn’t love her grandma (my ex-wife). I give her cookies and ice cream to say that. I’m just kidding…she kind’a likes the bee-otch a little. Cookies don’t buy what they use to.
Dave -
72
Minimus and me
by seven006 inhe told me that the thread he started yesterday tell me what you think of certain posters had been locked because some people though the bantering between he and i was serious.
im sorry but i laughed.
a lot.
-
-
seven006
Purple grandma babe,
Ya that was it. We talked about your grand daughter and if our’s were better. Honest! That’s it. Absolutely. Honest. That’s all.
We were both Christian brothers at one time for Christ sakes!
We both did the microphone on a stick job as young JW teenaged boys. We never look at places we were not suppose to. Honest. Really. Never.
If a sister wore something semi-low cut, we both looked up at the ceiling as she was giving her Watchtower answer. Honest. Even if those long polled mikes got difficult to handle when holding them steady for a sister in THE MIDDLE OF THE FRICKEN ROW!
We both had dozens of sisters in our congregations with two missing teeth in front to prove it.
And fricken catholic alter boys thought they had it hard wearing a damn dress.
Dave -
72
Minimus and me
by seven006 inhe told me that the thread he started yesterday tell me what you think of certain posters had been locked because some people though the bantering between he and i was serious.
im sorry but i laughed.
a lot.
-
-
seven006
Chris!
How the hell ya doing cowboy? Good to see you. I agree with you but I still love Min.
He IS like my real brother. He drove me nuts too but I had to love him. He was my brother and it was my job.
I do remember the phone call. My brain hasn’t completely turned to goo yet. It’s trying to but there are a still a few squirrels running around the cage.
Take care good buddy.
Dave -
72
Minimus and me
by seven006 inhe told me that the thread he started yesterday tell me what you think of certain posters had been locked because some people though the bantering between he and i was serious.
im sorry but i laughed.
a lot.
-
-
seven006
Well, there are always at least two sides to every story. I have gotten phone calls with people having different opinions and sides.
First of all I want to say………….I don’t give a sh*t! and second I hate talking on the phone!
I do not want to get involved with ex-JW or JWD politics. I do not like being tooled by anybody!!
I also don’t like it when people think that my opinion amounts to anything more than “just my opinion”.
Min, buddy, it sounds like you may have gotten tooled a little bit yourself. Not by me or people who really, really don’t like you (which I’m sure there are thousands and thousands of them). But buy a somewhat new poster who seems to want to make a name for himself here on JWD and thought he/she/it needed more then one account.
As they said in the South Park episode about the Mormons and I quote; “Dumb, dumb, dumb, dum, dum, dumb”!
This seems to be all about a thread that was written a few weeks ago. Here’s a little clue. When anybody gets their pee pee whacked for breaking the board rules, learn from it and don’t stick it out again if you have JWD as any kind of priority in your life. If you don’t then don’t worry about it. It’s just a discussion board. It’s not a vital medical life support system plugged into your arm.
Fair, right, unjust or what ever. This discussion board is not a democracy. If anybody wants to keep posting here, understand that one fact and don’t break the rules. AND don’t ask others to post anything that you can no longer post yourself because you broke the rules and got your pee pee whacked!
Min, you got your posting limit reduced. So what! Who in the hell needs to make more than 25 posts a day anyway? Don’t tell me about it and make me cry for you Argentina.
Be nice and I’m sure the mods will increase it someday. You are somewhat of an icon on this board (that really puts this boards importance into perspective). I heard Christmas is coming up soon.
You are still my good buddy and I agree with you about the purple grandma babe. Stop being a nice guy to people you don’t know!! You are not a sheep! Sheep are dumb flocking animals. Goats are sharp as hell. You are a goat got damn it! Act like it.
Dave -
72
Minimus and me
by seven006 inhe told me that the thread he started yesterday tell me what you think of certain posters had been locked because some people though the bantering between he and i was serious.
im sorry but i laughed.
a lot.
-
-
seven006
I got a call from Min last night. He told me that the thread he started yesterday “Tell Me What You Think Of Certain Posters” had been locked because some people though the bantering between he and I was serious.
I’m sorry but I laughed. A lot. He didn’t laugh so much (at first) then he did. So, to the people who may have seen our bantering as serious and the mod who locked the thread. We are sorry for the confusion that may have led some to think we were serious!!!!
Min and I are FRIENDS! As good of friends as two middle aged (straight) guys who never met in person could be. We talk on the phone often and I HATE talking on the phone. He e-mails me pictures of his cute (but bald) little grand daughter. I e-mail him pictures of my better looking and much smarter grand daughter. We are two harmless (but still sexy) grandpas. My grand daughter calls me “gam-pa”. His grand daughter calls him “big fat ugly guy”.
We joke with each other a-lot. That’s what middle aged guys who had their youth stolen and held captive by an evil cult do. We are now looking at those stolen youthful good old days in life’s rear view mirror.
You can either laugh about it or blow your brains out.
We have chosen the laugh about it option. At least I have. I do encourage him to at least consider the other option for everyone’s sake.
So, who ever locked the thread and reduced Minimus’s posting limit to 25 a day, (I’m still laughing my ask off after he sent me an e-mail about that) please reconsider and do the right thing now that you know he was not serious about beating my ass (he thinks he’s Tony Soprano).
The guy’s fricken Italian. That’s how Italian guys from Boston talk about puppies and baby duckies for Christ sakes. They all think they are Tony Soprano. Just type in the words “The guy from Boston’ on a web browser and see for yourself. They can’t help it.
How was that Min? You going to send me the money now?
Dave