Hi Scary, I am taking care of my mother who has some sort of dementia or ALZ or whatever.... Hard to tell but it's just one day at a time. She's not "way out there" in her behaviour (yet, anyway) so I can't compare my experience to yours except to say you have my total respect and sympathy in what you have experienced and dealt with. I've already seen that my mother can turn on a dime and I realize that dementia patients often turn on those trying to help them.
In my case, my mother never paid much attention to her children so there's not really a close relationship to lose. In the end, perhaps that will make it easier on me, I don't know at this point. The JW nonsense made no difference in her relationships whatsoever.
And I see that the caregiver can't win - if you move them, they can become upset, if you leave them in their home you could just as easily be accused of being neglectful, keeping them where they can't cope.
Please know that you both did all you can to the best of your ability, that is more than so many ALZ patients get in the end.