Posts by Sirona

27

If you were leaving your partner...

by Sirona in

jw
friends

if you were leaving your husband or wife and you knew that your leaving would cripple them financially, what would you do?

if you were leaving the family home and you knew that your actions would mean your spouse couldn't make the payments, would you offer to help?.

am i being unreasonable in expecting that if someone is going to destroy you and leave then they might be considerate enough to not also take away your home?

Sirona

Julie,

Wow you went through a lot!

He isn't abusive, he is actually a really good "boyfriend" at the moment. He treats me nicely. The thing that worries me is that he cant manage his own finances and I'm afraid if I share somewhere with him that we'll end up in trouble again. Then I'd be the scapegoat cos if the going got tough, he'd leave again.

I'm doing a degree in psychology part-time...but that had to be put on hold this february when I was diagnosed with skin cancer. The cancer is gone (I hope...my glands are up and if they don't go down by June 11 then I've got to have a gland biopsy) but I can only start college again in October. The course is a long one - another 3 years to go.

My career is OK and I earn OK money, but I'm paying out a lot every month. All I need is a little lottery win!!

Anyway, I know I'm capable of being independent, but when I just feel like I'm getting somewhere a barrier comes up.

Sirona

27

If you were leaving your partner...

by Sirona in

jw
friends

if you were leaving your husband or wife and you knew that your leaving would cripple them financially, what would you do?

if you were leaving the family home and you knew that your actions would mean your spouse couldn't make the payments, would you offer to help?.

am i being unreasonable in expecting that if someone is going to destroy you and leave then they might be considerate enough to not also take away your home?

Sirona

Mulan,
Its so difficult to walk away from him. I keep wondering if *I'm* the silly one, and if he's a fantastic person after all. He does have a good heart.

Maybe he would never do the same thing again?

Sirona

27

If you were leaving your partner...

by Sirona in

jw
friends

if you were leaving your husband or wife and you knew that your leaving would cripple them financially, what would you do?

if you were leaving the family home and you knew that your actions would mean your spouse couldn't make the payments, would you offer to help?.

am i being unreasonable in expecting that if someone is going to destroy you and leave then they might be considerate enough to not also take away your home?

Sirona

Silverleaf,

I think that you are right. The only way to go now is to express whats inside. Like you say, he should understand.

Sirona

27

If you were leaving your partner...

by Sirona in

jw
friends

if you were leaving your husband or wife and you knew that your leaving would cripple them financially, what would you do?

if you were leaving the family home and you knew that your actions would mean your spouse couldn't make the payments, would you offer to help?.

am i being unreasonable in expecting that if someone is going to destroy you and leave then they might be considerate enough to not also take away your home?

Sirona

Lauralisa,

He says he left because he "couldn't cope" with the home situation. He said that he simply had to get away because he wasn't strong enough to deal with it all. I agree with this. I was still trying to work it out, but he refused to see marriage counsellors or anything.

I wanted to get my own place and make a start toward rebuilding my life, but today that fell through.

In any event, I can not imagine you being able to have any type of true intimacy with this person; you must be holding incredible amounts of resentment, and security is going to feel impossible unless he is capable of comprehending your pain and anxiety, and caring enough to help you through it all.

You are right, I am resentful. I'm mostly upset because he doesn't admit his wrongs. He never says "I'm so sorry that I left you and that you lost the house"....its more like "I had to leave, plain and simple and while I was away in Italy I managed to get my head together and I think that helped". Wow, great for him eh?

He says he felt tremendously guilty about what happened. He says he wants to make me happy again. He offered to let me move in with him and I wouldnt have to pay much toward the house so that I could pay off what I owe. Maybe thats him trying to make it up to me? or maybe he likes the idea of a cook, cleaner, washerwoman, sex-slave, who also gives him money to help him out?

Spaznik - thanks for the advice. I have been paying off lots of money each month and I've been doing well. However, I simply want my own place and today that was taken away too.

Aim to see this rough day as an opportunity and a motivator
a wake-up call if you will to regain control and get some things organized in your life.

Thats good advice I will try and think like that.

My choices seem to be:

Stay where I am for a while and pay things off. (BTW I pay a decent amount of rent to the family - they're not helping in that regard - how does £200 per month grab u?)

Rent somewhere - my only option would be council accommodation cos I can't afford £350 per month on a private rent. I don't want to do this!!!!

Move in with him and pay him £100 per month, and run the risk of it not working out. Maybe before that could happen I'd need to express how I really feel about the whole money thing.

Sirona

27

If you were leaving your partner...

by Sirona in

jw
friends

if you were leaving your husband or wife and you knew that your leaving would cripple them financially, what would you do?

if you were leaving the family home and you knew that your actions would mean your spouse couldn't make the payments, would you offer to help?.

am i being unreasonable in expecting that if someone is going to destroy you and leave then they might be considerate enough to not also take away your home?

Sirona

He doesnt care about possessions. He is irresponsible, really.
When we lived together he stumbled from job to job and with time off and low wages I think thats WHY we owed money between us. I feel he is responsible for most of what we owed.

I have had the same job for 6.5 years, I've always paid everything and I always saw to everything. Even now I know that despite the fact that he has money, he's not *in control* as far as money.

Sirona

27

If you were leaving your partner...

by Sirona in

jw
friends

if you were leaving your husband or wife and you knew that your leaving would cripple them financially, what would you do?

if you were leaving the family home and you knew that your actions would mean your spouse couldn't make the payments, would you offer to help?.

am i being unreasonable in expecting that if someone is going to destroy you and leave then they might be considerate enough to not also take away your home?

Sirona

Englishman, thats a possibility. I just don't know. Is it a good basis for a relationship when I think what he did to me is wrong?

Sirona

** http://www.religioustolerance.org **

27

If you were leaving your partner...

by Sirona in

jw
friends

if you were leaving your husband or wife and you knew that your leaving would cripple them financially, what would you do?

if you were leaving the family home and you knew that your actions would mean your spouse couldn't make the payments, would you offer to help?.

am i being unreasonable in expecting that if someone is going to destroy you and leave then they might be considerate enough to not also take away your home?

Sirona

I should explain.

It happened 2 years ago and the person left (me) did not take action. It was all I could do to get through the day without killing myself.

Nowadays, I'm still paying a loan I was left with and I'm being held back from making progress in my life. I have to live with family because I can't get my own place.

I'm trying to look at it objectively and ask myself if he was wrong in not helping me stay in our house. He paid off what he considered was his half of monies owing and then left the country for a 6 month working holiday, returned, bought his own house....and is happily living there now with no financial problems. I'm still trying to get back on my feet 2 years later. I couldn't pay off what I owed straight away like he could AND he left me with more money owing because he said that was because I had "the contents of the house". The contents of the house came to about £500 when I sold them...and I'm not joking.

Today something happened that gutted me...I can't go into details its too confidential but put it this way: I'm going to be living with family for a lot longer.

I am so hurt today...I feel like I will never make progress and there he is with a nice house, car, etc.

Heres the great part...we are back together. !!!!!! 6 months ago he returned saying he was sorry and wanted to get back together. No offer of helping me pay things. I still love him (like a complete IDIOT) and I had been tremendously miserable the whole time we were apart. We have been back together 6 months...he offered for me to move in with him. I refused because I still owe money, and I knew that if he wanted he could throw me out at any time and I'd be up s**t creek again without a paddle. I might be stupid (e.g. going back with him) but I'm not THAT stupid as to think that I want to share finances with him again. His name is going nowhere near mine again.

Anyway, thats my messed up life. I know that nothing is safe on this board, but what the heck.

Sirona

** http://www.religioustolerance.org **

27

If you were leaving your partner...

by Sirona in

jw
friends

if you were leaving your husband or wife and you knew that your leaving would cripple them financially, what would you do?

if you were leaving the family home and you knew that your actions would mean your spouse couldn't make the payments, would you offer to help?.

am i being unreasonable in expecting that if someone is going to destroy you and leave then they might be considerate enough to not also take away your home?

Sirona

Please help...I'm having one of the worst days of my life

27

If you were leaving your partner...

by Sirona in

jw
friends

if you were leaving your husband or wife and you knew that your leaving would cripple them financially, what would you do?

if you were leaving the family home and you knew that your actions would mean your spouse couldn't make the payments, would you offer to help?.

am i being unreasonable in expecting that if someone is going to destroy you and leave then they might be considerate enough to not also take away your home?

Sirona

If you were leaving your husband or wife and you knew that your leaving would cripple them financially, what would you do?

If you were leaving the family home and you knew that your actions would mean your spouse couldn't make the payments, would you offer to help?

Am I being unreasonable in expecting that if someone is going to destroy you and leave then they might be considerate enough to not also take away your home? (BTW in this scenario, the individual being left is still trying to work it out)

Sirona

43

How to reason with a rapist.

by flower in

(title modified per request).

and to think, i thought i was valuing my precious gift of life so much that i was willing to sumbit to a violent crime in order stay alive.

how twisted my thinking.

Sirona

Thanks for posting this, Flower.

I'm disgusted by the watchtower's view of this. I know what I'd do if confronted with a rapist...I'd try to live. If I could get away, I would, if I could fight without getting killed, I would. Thats it.

Do they really think that a woman doesnt WANT to get away in this situation? Do they really think that "not screaming" is because they WANT sex with this stranger?