I think that it all depends on the family.
I get excluded from EVERYTHING. I really am treated as if I am dead.
I know of others who really miss their disassociated or disfellowshipped family member who have more contact with their relatives than they really ought (according to JW rules) and so keep the family member informed.
Personally, I could not bear to attend any family event where I was treated as something so disgusting to them that they treat me worse than a piece of crap on their shoe.
I will NEVER tell them if I am dying and friends are given friends strict instructions NEVER to tell my JW family members. I would never give them the satisfaction of simply saying "thank you for telling us" then just getting back to their life as if nothing had happened.