-->No cabal. No fifth column. Just people like me, as described above, stuck in and looking for a clean way out that does not result in emotional shipwreck for my family.
Yeah that's what I am thinking too. I know I couldn't hide inside The Watchtower.
Leaving The Watchtower, even contemplating it, is always difficult and circumstances vary so what's good for one may not be for another. Personally, once I came to the understanding "this is not God's organization" it was frightening and I deliberated...no I procrastinated...for a long time....months. Being a second generation JW, I had a lot of friends around me, but it's not like you can really discuss your options with anyone - right?
One night I thought of all the people I had met over the years who had made huge sacrifices to become a JW - they had to conquer personal fears plus handle the emotional traumas and rejection by family and friends to become a baptised JW. As a Witness I had expected this of my bible students as part of the process - so why couldn't I do the same myself? It was then I realised I was living by a double standard, and being a coward. I had to make a decision - so I walked through the possible worst case scenarios...
For me, I knew that the worst scenario was being one of those "ghosts" who rarely (or never) goes out in FS, often misses meetings but still partakes in the association. Not an option. I knew I couldn't look another brother in the eye and smile while thinking "I don't believe what you believe". Not being honest with myself or to others, well I knew that really is a BS way to live - and doesn't bring happiness to anyone. I came to the final conclusion, that while leaving would cause anguish, tears and pain for my family - anything was better than living a lie. So I left and never went back. THAT's when my life changed for the better.
