Posts by Brighton

77

Advice on Disassociating

by HiddenPimo in

hello my exjw/pimo/pomo friends,.

i am working on penning my da letter and wondered if i should use it as a tool to maybe wake up individuals as the boe will have to read it.. anyone have any advice on what i should say versus what i should leave out?

i am not going to fade as my family can either be loyal to blood or loyal to a man made religion.

Brighton

@Dubstepped I think you have it backwards:

Disassociating is something, like writing a letter of resignation, that you do to them because you don't want to be a part of someone or something anymore, it's not something they do to you

If this were true, you wouldn't HAVE to write a letter. Requiring people to write a letter of disassociation is about power and control. Can you think of any other organization that if you don't agree with them or attend their meetings they require you to write a letter which leads to a public announcement of your separation?

77

Advice on Disassociating

by HiddenPimo in

hello my exjw/pimo/pomo friends,.

i am working on penning my da letter and wondered if i should use it as a tool to maybe wake up individuals as the boe will have to read it.. anyone have any advice on what i should say versus what i should leave out?

i am not going to fade as my family can either be loyal to blood or loyal to a man made religion.

Brighton

@ Incognito - you nailed it.

There is a fear that some faded JWs not planning to return, that say nothing negative and remain friendly, will continue to be treated as a brother by many.
Fading keeps everyone uncertain of how the person is to be viewed, labelled and treated, which undermines WT requirements and methods of control and so goes against at least one of the rules WT has developed.

this has been my experience - on the rare occasion that I am with JWs other than my family, I am friendly and encouraging, which is confusing to them. And this is what feels empowering to me - that I can be respectful, kind and friendly with people I clearly don't agree on an important topic - it is a good example for them that people who don't agree with you or think like you any more aren't dangerous. And it is good exercise for me to practice holding my own in the midst of what could be pressure to conform.

I don't do it often, but knowing that I can go to the occasional JW event (weddings or funerals mostly) and enjoy myself without feeling stressed or triggered is a huge plus for me. For me personally, it marks a level of autonomy and grounding that I've worked hard to achieve. I'm glad I chose to fade. My life would have been much more difficult had I DA'd and I have a nephew that it was important for me to be available to so I could, as much as possible, guide him away from the JWs without it being obvious. So far, so good on that level too.

All that said, some people DA and that is what is the best choice for them. Everyone should do what they think is best. There is no easy way to leave - and for some people it takes leaving more than once.

I'm really glad we have this forum available to hash these things out in a safe space.

77

Advice on Disassociating

by HiddenPimo in

hello my exjw/pimo/pomo friends,.

i am working on penning my da letter and wondered if i should use it as a tool to maybe wake up individuals as the boe will have to read it.. anyone have any advice on what i should say versus what i should leave out?

i am not going to fade as my family can either be loyal to blood or loyal to a man made religion.

Brighton

After being faded for 10 years, I set the rules. Being raised a 4th generation JW, I still know and care about a lot of people who are in. I attend Memorial because it is 1 hour of my life that makes the rest of the year easier with my family. When I say, "hang out" with JWs, it is very occasional - maybe 4 times a year. I generally direct the conversation toward something that I am interested in, like genealogy, travel, food, art...SO many things to talk about...

As far as my private life - I smoke cigars, celebrate holidays, have sex, vote, blah blah blah - and my private life is private. Not everyone I know is entitled to know everything about my life.

So, no - I'm not playing by their rules - I play by mine. At the same time, I feel no reason to criticize them or incite them to view me as dangerous.

77

Advice on Disassociating

by HiddenPimo in

hello my exjw/pimo/pomo friends,.

i am working on penning my da letter and wondered if i should use it as a tool to maybe wake up individuals as the boe will have to read it.. anyone have any advice on what i should say versus what i should leave out?

i am not going to fade as my family can either be loyal to blood or loyal to a man made religion.

Brighton

If you DA, you just playing by their rules.

I've been lucky enough to fade and I have to say that it is feels very empowering to occasionally associate with them while holding my own. I am kind, friendly and happy to see them. At the same time, I do not give up my point of view - I talk about things interesting to me or listen. It is a good reminder to them, that not everyone who leaves is dangerous. Every time I spend time with a group of JWs, it re-enforces exactly why I left. It feels good to me that I am successfully hanging out in the grey area without giving in to pressure to do more.

Brighton

62

Enjoyed the Memorial

by ScottyRex in

probably not a popular opinion on here....and haven't been actively attending meetings since 1988....(i know i know a submarine attender) however thoroughly enjoyed attending this evening...was good to see lots of people i remember whilst growing up in this faith, they were genuine and the whole atmosphere was one of love.

sure if i suddenly wanted to become active again and didn't change my lifestyle they would drop me like a bomb.....however i haven't and won't and they didn't and don't.

this works for me.. i cannot demonize the witnesses on what i have seen tonight.

Brighton

I agree with Wasanelder Once. If you are in the middle of trying to leave, don't attend more meetings than you have to. It has taken me about 10 years to leave physically AND mentally. Those are two separate processes. It's only been in the last year that I can say that I have wholly left mentally and am not on the fence or pretending to myself I might go back. At this point, I can't imagine anything that would make it so I could go back without ending up killing myself.

That said, I also attended the Memorial. For me, it is 1 hour out of my year that I attend so that the rest of the year is problem free. It is the last signaling that you are not a threat to their spirituality. It is also a way for me to be an example of tolerance and respect to a group who are neither tolerant nor respectful of people who don't they don't agree with.

My mom is a regular pioneer, true believer. My grandma is 91. I go to be with my grandma, and when she dies, I will no longer attend.

There is some power in being "inactive" and walking amongst them without participating in their delusion. I had the presence of mind to take control of the conversation and distract them by discussing something interesting like genealogy or their dogs, etc. I also was aware if people were heading toward the topic of "what hall do you go to?" and was able to leave before they went down that rabbit hole.

All that said, some people can go back occasionally, and some can't. We all deal with the trauma of this high control group in our own way. I had a friend I told I went to the memorial and she had a panic attack. So everyone is different and we all participate ( or don't) depending on what suits us. Whether you leave altogether, or live in no man's land as inactive, it is tricky to navigate and stressful for all of us.

Congratulations to all of us for surviving! Whatever you are doing to take care of yourself, keep doing it.

6

Any ex jws Seattle

by Wagurl in

jw
friends

anyone that is near that area in general?

just curious on that?

.

Brighton

I'm in Portland.

79

Preparing the sheeple for finally abandoning the significance of 1914

by under the radar in

we all know the society would love to get rid of all the problems caused by clinging to 1914 and all they claimed it meant for the last 100+ years.. it looks like they are laying the groundwork for easing away from the whole concept of 1914. this would also let them do away with the ridiculous "overlapping generation" bullcrap.

what a diaper load that has been.... anyway, the following is from their super secret marching orders for april, 2019. draw your own conclusions.... "3.

“100 years of faithfulness”: the coordinator of the body of elders, or another elder, should be invited to read the following special announcement.

Brighton

August Study Edition is not posted yet. So this is probably April Fool's.

18

Teenager Advice

by Wagurl in

what advice do you have for a teenager that is being raised as a witness but not baptized?

everyone is pressuring her to get baptized how to avoid that till they are 18 and they are 16?

how to stay sane in a household of religion you don´t believe in.

Brighton

Two options: go along and lie low or get into tons of trouble. I think the 1st option is the best because it is the least amount of stress. If you lay low, and can skate around baptism, perfect. If you can't, then getting into trouble will distract them and lower their expectations that you'll get baptized soon. Once you are 18 and out of the house, then you are home free. If they are supporting you through college, then you'll need to keep your private life private until you are not dependent on them any more.

85

''Special Letter'' to be Read In Canada Week of Feb 3,2019

by Beth Sarim in

i have just been informed that there is a 'special letter' to be read at the meetings week of feb 3,2019 in canada.

anybody heard of this!!

just a heads-up!

Brighton

Update to my last post since I couldn't edit it: New congregations/territories go into effect May 1 for all of Portland, Oregon.

85

''Special Letter'' to be Read In Canada Week of Feb 3,2019

by Beth Sarim in

i have just been informed that there is a 'special letter' to be read at the meetings week of feb 3,2019 in canada.

anybody heard of this!!

just a heads-up!

Brighton

I can confirm that Portland, Oregon is consolidating and reorganizing all of their congregations and redistributing territory.