Posts by stevilla

16

Loving a JW

by stevilla in

here’s a little back story.

i met this jw girl 4 months ago online and found out she was a jw 2 months later after confessing my liking for her.

we had a long conversation about it with her explaining what exactly a jw is and the rules and what not.

stevilla

stevilla, you are an exceptionally wise and understanding guy.

Thank you so much. That made my day. I really try to be.

16

Loving a JW

by stevilla in

here’s a little back story.

i met this jw girl 4 months ago online and found out she was a jw 2 months later after confessing my liking for her.

we had a long conversation about it with her explaining what exactly a jw is and the rules and what not.

You all have really good advice and I appreciate it all. Makes everything a bit easier to deal with. It's such a sad thing knowing that she may be the one but I'm losing her to some stupid corrupt organization that takes vulnerable people and brainwashes them.

Stay on here and learn how to "leave jw's" try jwfacts website and you will see the option to "fade".

The hard thing about this is her roommate is a jw and her sister is hardcore about being a jw. When she misses meetings, her sister gets on her for it. Sadly, I don't fading will work.

punkofnice - Experience comes with age. It's definitely hard to accept what you're saying but I know I would have to. Thanks again.

nonjwspouse - I'm so sorry that happened to you. What you said blows my mind. The power and control behind this cult is unbelievable. They're basically puppets. This whole thing is almost like the movie "Divergent" in the sense of control. Thank you for sharing your situation and your advice. One thing I have to say is, I personally thing it's harder for a man to break free of being a jw because the man has so much power and control and could literally do whatever he wants without consequence.

Have you got a bottom line Stevilla? You keep talking about what will make her happy? What about what will make you happy? Could you live with the real risk that she’ll go back? You know people return for all sorts of reasons including especially to avoid breaking family ties.

What would make me happy is knowing that she left to save herself and not for anyone. Not for me or her family. If she left solely for me, then I know it wouldn't last. She mentioned a few people that left the cult because they loved a nonjw but later returned for their family. Once she said that, I knew that the chances just got slimmer but I told her to do what SHE wants and not do it for anyone else. That's where her friends messed up.
Confusedandangry - That is so terrible. I'm sorry. Thank you for sharing and your advice. You're right. I still have my whole life ahead.

Unless you're kind of a masochist...then, by all means, move forward. I guess giving her space would be good- than she wouldn't be able to ever pin the fact that she left her family for you....

Definitely not a masochist but more of a person that wants to help others be better and live a better life if that makes sense. I told her that this wasn't an ultimatum between choosing me or her family and I hope she listened. Her life as a jw is terrible and depressing and that's what she told me so me being me, I want to help her. People need that extra push and I was hoping that I can give that to her. If she decides to leave, I would be the bonus on top of her finding happiness. I can only do so much right? Can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved sadly.

If she wants to leave, let her leave without you in the picture at all. Then you'll know it was really what she wanted to do (and she'll know that too).

That's essentially what I want and why I stuck with her knowing she was a witness. She's been wanting to leave for a while and again, I wanted to help her. Maybe I'm an idiot with a big heart but I tried. Thank you for responding and your advice.

16

Loving a JW

by stevilla in

here’s a little back story.

i met this jw girl 4 months ago online and found out she was a jw 2 months later after confessing my liking for her.

we had a long conversation about it with her explaining what exactly a jw is and the rules and what not.

stevilla

Punkofnice - I appreciate your honesty and bluntness. Were not teenagers and we've seen each other have had plenty of video calls. I knew what I was getting myself into and I only did it because she said she doesn't want to live the jw life. She doesn't believe in it at all. It's losing her family that is the problem.

So I'd suggest to go at her pace, don't pressure her and let things happen. Meanwhile, get to know her better.

Thank you for responding. I definitely will do that.

How old are you both. Is she baptised. What is her family background?

She's 22 and I'm 25. She was baptized around 12 years old. She has 2 sisters and 2 brothers and her mom that are in the cult. The father is in jail because he abused them, molested her sister and was an alcoholic. Her mom lost everything and couldn't take care of them all until a jw showed up at her door one day. Ever since then, they helped her mom out. Everyone outside of her mom and siblings are not jws.

I really appreciate the responses. Maybe things moved way too fast for her. With the whole online thing, it's only online because shes afraid of someone finding out about me without her being sure of what to do. I've seen her and facetimed her a lot. I know exactly how she is and I basically know everything about her.

16

Loving a JW

by stevilla in

here’s a little back story.

i met this jw girl 4 months ago online and found out she was a jw 2 months later after confessing my liking for her.

we had a long conversation about it with her explaining what exactly a jw is and the rules and what not.

stevilla

Hello everyone,

Here’s a little back story. I met this JW girl 4 months ago online and found out she was a jw 2 months later after confessing my liking for her. We had a long conversation about it with her explaining what exactly a jw is and the rules and what not. I wasn’t too familiar with any of it but I was willing to work with her and deal with what’s to come. She admitted that the jw life wasn’t for her and she has been contemplating leaving the cult for a few years now. Her biggest problem with that is leaving her whole family and being shunned by them.

From those 2 months to today, we’ve had a great time (all online and through phone calls and what not). I can’t visit her and she can visit me because she’s scared of what could happen if people found out. So as of now, she is extremely overwhelmed and torn between leaving the cult and her family. She hates having to keep me as a secret and basically living 2 lives. I’ve given her tons of resources and stories of others and explained a lot of things to her in the most unselfish way. I’m not making her choose me or her family (although that’s essentially what is happening). But I want her to do what makes her more happy in the end. She wasn’t happy before I came into her life. The witness life isn’t for her. She just doesn’t want to leave her family.

Right now we’ve said all that we could. She said she needs space from everyone and everything to figure out what she wants and that’s what I’m doing. Giving her space. Besides space, is there anything else I could do or should do or should have done differently? We fell for each other and I don’t want to lose her when I know deep in her heart that she wants to leave the cult. I don’t know what to do.