Hi Marilyn!
(I'm using my other name, btw)
Thanks for your questions. Actually, I dont think I'll ever go back. I cant see myself ever going back to the horrible life I had when I was a JW.
The thing is, my siblings are all Witnesses and it is hard not having family that accepts you. My sister, who is an aux pioneer has all but disowned me. I was never baptized or disfellowshipped..just faded away. But she looks at me like i have a disease. She has said I wouldnt be able to visit my nieces and nephews because I would be a bad influence (I'm a teacher's aide and volunteer full time). My two brothers are not as gung-ho as my sis, but they both keep their distance from me, in a way.
Some times I have wondered if it would be better for my son to raise him like a Witness..maybe have more 'structure',etc. But then I think of all the judgmentallness that was engrained in me, and it would kill me to see such a kind and loving boy be taught to judge or hate.
It hurts to walk around stores and see the JW's whisper and point at you...trying to follow you and at the same time not make eye contact. It makes me feel so 'invisible'..
So I guess, at times, I have had fleeting thoughts of 'what if'? But in the end, I cant imagine going back to that life. I honestly was a very sad person when I was active in the Hall. I am much happier now and much nicer.
Email me anytime Marilyn.. it's nice chatting with you!