When I meditate, I usually close my eyes. Sometimes I open them. I focus
on breathing. I count my breaths. In a few minutes, my mind and body
have calmed down. I feel a smile. I feel my place in the space where I'm
sitting, and I notice things. I at first try to squelch all my
thoughts, and focus on breathing. At some point though, I let them off
the leash and my thoughts go absolutely wild. Then I bring them back in
and focus some more. All of this is ultimately self-centered, except
there is no guilt to that connotation whatever. It's mindfulness,
really. Indeed, I am quite happy to be myself.
Meditation has suited me much better for decades now. I don't have a formal way or time for me to do it, but it works well. That's how I found my true spirituality, that is, without any ritual, no church/KH, no Bible, no one telling me what to say or how to say it, and in private all by myself in a very intimate setting in connection with my spirituality.
A final note: If I am in a group that insists on having a prayer before a
meal, I have noticed that I survive the night perfectly in tact no matter what it is I'm thinking of during the obligatory prayer. No lightning, no leprosy. Hilarious.
I have participated in other people's praying before a meal out of respect for them. I can't care less about the meaning of it or what it's supposed to do, and like you, my meal has remained as great (or not so when it's not) regardless of what I do or think during/about the prayer.
The beauty of meditation is the intimate quality to it. It's just you and whatever/whoever you feel is your spiritual guiding force. No need to explain it, no need to follow rules, and it's very peaceful.
