Welcome! Your story is almost like mine.
I was baptized as a young teenager, and although I was always viewed as a great example in the congregation, my closest friends and I were leading what would be labeled as "double lives" by the borg. Drinking, partying, having "worldly" girlfriends at school. Not to say I didn't feel terribly guilty about this. Every time "double life" was brought up at conventions, I knew that's exactly what I was guilty of, but I never had the courage nor the guts to "confess".
This is just a method they use to control your emotions and make you do what they say. We can all live a normal life and have some fun, after all, all JW's sin
Looking back, I thank god for the internet (yes, I said god… I’m still on the fence about that one)
I think the best advice I can give you is to not be in any hurry to reach any conclusions. Have a look for names like, Christopher Hitchens, Daniel Dennett, Sam Harris and Bart Ehrman. The two major popular anti-theist books in recent years were "God is not great" by Hitchens and "The god delusion" by Dawkins.
I read 1984 as a high school kid and even prided myself as a fan of this masterpiece.
Oh the irony...
My only question now is what to do??? My wife is a long time pioneer and heavily emotionally invested in the org.
Love her and plant seeds
On another note… apostates (is that what we call ourselves?
For the people still inside but awake are called, closet apostates or the conscious class.
Welcome andEnjoy the journey. Best wishes
SUAVOJR