Posts by thankyou

51

Your Opinion Pleeease

by thankyou in

jw girl non-jw guy.

tenuous boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

what is more likely to strengthen a relationship?.

thankyou

Check_Your_Premises,

Thank you very much for a thoughtful helpful reply. I really appreciate it!

You must be prescient too.

"A great idea would be for you to move on romantically .......... get her off your mind in that way."

Now I'm not narcissistic, bragging, boasting, or egotistical etc. etc., but at the time I met the JW girl I already had 2 very nice looking girl friends, but rapidly lost interest in them n haven't been able to "move on" romantically.

However, "the powers that be" must think; hey this guy is a helpless sad case. He needs help.

Because, New Years Day my daughter called from CA to greet me. She told me "dad, don't be chasing girls, it's too stressful, just live your life and if it happens, it happens".

I thought well, maybe. But the problem is you could be waiting forever.

Before "women's lib", girls would chase guys. And, it seems to me guys n girls were much happier. I know I was. Rarely happens now. The most a girl will do now is smile and hover around you giving you chances.

I mean I never let today's situation stop me. I'm cautiously aggressive. But, you know that nonsense that you hear all the time about "stalking" does lurk in your mind. That's obviously creepy stuff and easy to recognize, but doesn't apply to the average guy, but it does, I believe, affect/restrict him.

Anyway, after hanging up the phone conversation w/my daughter, I immediately went into the large grocery store here.

A girl of the same race, height, age as the JW girl was talking on her cell phone n checking me out, as they say.

I thought to myself "oh, I got enough troubles" and walked straight to the back of the store to buy some packaged pre-cut fruit. As I reached in to get it, this girl was now standing next to me n talking to me.

After about 30 seconds of conversation, without asking her, she wrote down her cell ph nbr and gave it to me, then typed my cell nbr into her cell ph n immed. called my ph.

When I got home, she had called an additional 2x. The 4th time I answered and she gave me a legitimate reason to go back to the store parking lot to talk some more. And, we did.

"On the face of it", this girl now a days would appear to be too aggressive or weird or something. But, I gave it a chance. I thought she might just be her "real self", as people used to be, before the women's lib crap. (I mean I do agree there were guys who were "unfaithful", or abusers but that was a small minority).

So far, and I emphasize "SO FAR" she's proven to be a really nice and a religious girl too.

She has called me like 2x day and we've met almost every day. I guess the universe had to send a gal to whom I really appealed in order to weaken my resolve/hope for the JW girl. Believe me, it's really nice to have someone attracted to you.

She said she's trying to get me, but that she believes I'm running. I explained that I'm meeting her n talking to her so I'm not running from her.

Anyway, she's getting to me, which I guess is what was necessary for me to realize the JW girl may never happen again.

In my heart, I believe the JW girl n I felt the same way about each other naturally, it's just that JW is "controlling" her. You folks know far better than I will ever know exactly how JW can damage a person.

So anyway, I don't know what's going to happen with the JW girl. I'ld be perfectly happy to be her life long friend and be supportive and helpful to her. I just don't know if it's going to be possible. I fear she could "slip" through the cracks of society. I worry about her a lot.

Anyway, you kindly wrote a comprehensive reply, so I thought I'ld do the same. And who knows some aspect of it may help some other guy.

To me, years ago guys seemed a little competitive. Now a days guys seem really ok and kind of resigned to the consequences of the women's lib. movement.

My advice to a girl is if you are seeking a boyfriend or significant other, or husband, be cautious/prudent of course, but if you meet a guy that appeals to you don't be afraid to pursue him to the extent that you need to in order to find out if he is a decent, responsible, wholesome guy.

It's 2am here, good night

75

Have we become what we despise so much?

by Tenacious in

the majority of members who tend to join this forum have been hurt possibly even traumatized sometimes to the point of wanting to end their lives.

upon joining the forum, new members are welcomed with open arms, welcome messages start pouring in, "likes" are freely given, a false sense of security is promoted where a member is free to speak his mind without having to worry about the wt gestapo.

again, similar to how potential converts are welcomed and "love bombed" upon entering a kh for the first time.

thankyou

freemindfade,

I agree with you. Years ago I made an effort, for over 13 years, to help my oldest brother, living with me, overcome residual psychological-emotional problems resulting from Vietnam.

A BSc Degree in Psychology proved to be a modicum of help.

I joined 2 consecutive "support" groups offering "support" to such "caregivers".

I was disappointed to find that rather than offering support that would "heal" and allow the "caregiver" to "move on" and no longer need a support group, that the group/group leader was actually functioning to perpetuate all problems and so I quickly departed.

So, I suppose the success of a support group is a function of the participants and the group leader.

51

Your Opinion Pleeease

by thankyou in

jw girl non-jw guy.

tenuous boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

what is more likely to strengthen a relationship?.

thankyou

Hey Nathan,

Thank you. You offer some one in my situation an opportunity to adopt a win-win attitude. I appreciate it!

JWDaughter,

Thanks for your advice.

I agree that, in general, what you suggest is the best attitude to adopt.

But, in this specific exceptional situation, meeting this girl was like "deja vu" or questioning as to whether or not reincarnation of someone you have previously known, could be reality. It is very powerful.

I agree that temporarily adopting an insincere strategy (phony baloney) will backfire.

On the other hand, if you are with all sincerity, trying to become a more patient, understanding, loving person in order to get to the bottom of this and to help a tormented other, then my 2 cents is that, this is a good thing.

75

Have we become what we despise so much?

by Tenacious in

the majority of members who tend to join this forum have been hurt possibly even traumatized sometimes to the point of wanting to end their lives.

upon joining the forum, new members are welcomed with open arms, welcome messages start pouring in, "likes" are freely given, a false sense of security is promoted where a member is free to speak his mind without having to worry about the wt gestapo.

again, similar to how potential converts are welcomed and "love bombed" upon entering a kh for the first time.

thankyou

Tenacious,

My 2 cents "thought":

Your comments are VERY perceptive.

Thanks

37

My First post

by Simple Minds in

i have been lurking on this site for 3 years and this is my fist post.

i would like to thank everyone for helping me wake up.

i was baptized at 24, married at 25, ms for 18 years mentally in for 24 years but started to wake up 3 years ago doing research to give public talks, and the actions of arrogant and narcissistic brothers and sisters did not help.

thankyou

SimpleMinds,

Just my 2 cents:

Leaving the spelling "errors" in your letter helps to demonstrate stress. I would leave them in there.

I don't know if it's the same for other folks, but I have found that "walking" outdoors quiets the "mind", and helps to harmonize and strengthen the mind and body. I would do it alone so that you are not distracted by another.

Man, you've had a rough time.

And, someone else has posted that this is not unusual for a JW. Geez.

God Bless You!

17

My Experience with Wordly Guys

by LaurenM in

sorry, two posts in a day..but i need to vent something: so far my experience with "worldly" guys has not been the best 1. my first guy experience was with a dude who left state and never came back 2. a coworker asked me to netflix and chill and i did 3. a guy wanted to sext me all the time but never took me out on a date and i did 4. a guy who took me on a great date but then asked me up to his apartment immediately after and then didn't call me after 5. finally, another great date, until after the guy texted me asking for nude pics..told him no!

so basically i've concluded that i had been giving off a vibe that i had no self respect and that was confirmed by me allowing them to use me as a sex object..but i'm hoping that not all worldly guys are like this, and when i start acting like i have self respect, they will treat me like that too?

is that a good assumption?

thankyou

LaurenM,

Yes, "listen" to what V1922 just said. It's true.

A guy is a guy, JW or non JW or whatever.

And, not to be crude, but we guys are all the same "down below",

And, the problem is that the "down below" has a mind of it's own.

It's only when a guy evolves morally, ethically, spiritually, or whatever you want to call it, that they begin to gain "control" over their sexual impulses.

I'm not a JW and know very little about it, but from what I've learned recently, this is one area where the JW rules, beliefs, can actually be a big help/protection to you. At least until you gain some experience in dealing with guys.

I've had more than my share of "fun", and of course it's easy to say this now, but honestly if I were a girl, knowing what I know now, I would not "sleep" with any guy unless he is "husband material".

If you have "casual sex" you are, among other things, running the risk of catching a sexually transmitted disease. Some of these lurk in your body forever and never go away.

I'm sure you wouldn't want to put your future husband at risk and/or your baby coming through the birth canal.

Good Luck

17

My Experience with Wordly Guys

by LaurenM in

sorry, two posts in a day..but i need to vent something: so far my experience with "worldly" guys has not been the best 1. my first guy experience was with a dude who left state and never came back 2. a coworker asked me to netflix and chill and i did 3. a guy wanted to sext me all the time but never took me out on a date and i did 4. a guy who took me on a great date but then asked me up to his apartment immediately after and then didn't call me after 5. finally, another great date, until after the guy texted me asking for nude pics..told him no!

so basically i've concluded that i had been giving off a vibe that i had no self respect and that was confirmed by me allowing them to use me as a sex object..but i'm hoping that not all worldly guys are like this, and when i start acting like i have self respect, they will treat me like that too?

is that a good assumption?

thankyou

LaurenM

"I'm just so dumb when it comes to non-JW guys."

I'm a guy. Guys are guys. When dealing w/them don't distinguish between JW and non-JW

It "takes two to tango". So, the first thing is you must honestly ask yourself if you were willingly seeking sexual experiences, or if you have what are apparently very low standards.

It's only my opinion. But, as a female you need to be much more careful. Sexually transmitted diseases are rampant. Especially if you are of child bearing age. Your health ,well-being, and future happiness are at stake.

Please, I'm not trying to be rude or judgmental, but didn't your parents or any sibling brother(s) teach you about boy-girl relationships?

There's a lot to be learned. So, if you have any decent guys (eg siblings, relatives, decent guy friends, etc) ask them to teach you about how guys think and for help in settings standards.

I know I tried to teach my sister and then later on I still continue to teach my daughter about guys.

My personal opinion is that a girl should not have sex with a guy unless she has first determined, over time, that this is a guy she could see herself as married to.

And, of course it goes without saying that you need to be using birth control measures.

You have been used and abused. Stop it, please. A truly decent guy would never have used you that way!

Good luck, change your ways.

Sincerely

51

Your Opinion Pleeease

by thankyou in

jw girl non-jw guy.

tenuous boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

what is more likely to strengthen a relationship?.

thankyou

DJS,

And by the way, the photo you posted is not an accurate representation.

There should be 3 Black girls, 1 Japanese girl, 1 American-Vietnamese girl, and 2 Hispanic girls.

But, it's ok, you're forgiven.

Sounds like you might need to "borrow" one?

And, who is this guy in the photo?

Does he have any "How To" books and/or DVDs ?

51

Your Opinion Pleeease

by thankyou in

jw girl non-jw guy.

tenuous boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

what is more likely to strengthen a relationship?.

thankyou

Landy,

Thanks for the laugh, Bro!

51

Your Opinion Pleeease

by thankyou in

jw girl non-jw guy.

tenuous boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.

what is more likely to strengthen a relationship?.

thankyou

DJS,

"....I can read this statement a thousand times and come to no other conclusion"

I know. And, THAT is the problem.

God Bless You.

I've got nothing more to say to you.