Queen Witch: I know she did have low thyroid in the past and it leaves her very lethargic. What I've learned as a husband is that most guys see a problem or break down that their wife is going through and they immediately want to come up with a solution because in guy world every problem has a solution. More often than not their wife just wants support on the decision they've already made. I to try and help her get the obstacles out of the way without ever giving my opinion. Last night the kids were freaking out, a friend of hers said something hurtful and she was just not in a good place. I took the kids outside for a bonfire and just let her cool off. When we went to bed I just very simply asked her if she was OK. This morning she said to me "Thank you. You couldn't have said a more perfect thing." I didn't have a solution. I just checked on how she was holding up. It takes a long time to learn that trick.
CADSkin
JoinedPosts by CADSkin
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50
Need advice from a female
by CADSkin inlong story short.
ive been married for 18 years to my beautiful wife.
when i was younger i had a lot of attention due to my looks which has always made me extremely uncomfortable.
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50
Need advice from a female
by CADSkin inlong story short.
ive been married for 18 years to my beautiful wife.
when i was younger i had a lot of attention due to my looks which has always made me extremely uncomfortable.
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CADSkin
Diana: Same experience I had. Exercising just makes me feel happier. She told me last night she plans on going back to our old gym at the YMCA. She wants to go to the same gym I do but doesn’t feel comfortable to work out with me yet. I know this will help with her depression.
Jgnat: It makes her feel so bad about herself. I cringe anytime it happens and have been downright rude to women who do it. It still knocks her down though. We’re so close that there’s no way anyone could assume that we’re not together. There’s no one on this planet who I have 100% confidence loves me more than her.
That reminds me of a Chris Rock stand-up skit about the difference between men and women who see a friend in a great relationship
The Guy: He seems really happy. I hope to find someone like that someday.
The Girl: She seems really happy. I want him!
Problemaddict: I think we’ve both done a good job of moving on. I of course still have guilt. I think she’s beautiful. I always have. Her weight isn’t an issue for me at all. Thankfully we have a good enough relationship that we can talk about most anything. We both like going clothes shopping together but she always takes back everything she buys while I’m at work. She’s just uncomfortable in her own skin.
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50
Need advice from a female
by CADSkin inlong story short.
ive been married for 18 years to my beautiful wife.
when i was younger i had a lot of attention due to my looks which has always made me extremely uncomfortable.
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CADSkin
Tiki: I agree it's a self esteem/ at a crossroads issue. She is very interested in photography and is going to dip into the college world with a photography class. I'm very supportive of this. Thankfully my career makes enough that she doesn't really need to work and can go to school or do whatever she wants to in life. I just think that she's trying to figure out what.
I'm a very obsessive person. It's just my personality. When I surfed it was every morning. When I bought records it was all I did (I have about 4000 soul records). When I want to play a new instrument it's practice for 4 hours a day until I have it down. When I drank it was all I did. The flipside is that when I don't drink I know I never will give in to temptation as long as I have something else. Addicted or strong willed or stubborn or driven are all words to describe whether my current obsession is a positive or a negative influence on my life. I have a very large extremely artistic family. Our gene pool of mental problems can fill a book. Lots of drugs a few suicides all eccentric.
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50
Need advice from a female
by CADSkin inlong story short.
ive been married for 18 years to my beautiful wife.
when i was younger i had a lot of attention due to my looks which has always made me extremely uncomfortable.
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CADSkin
Thanks Mamochan. This makes a lot of sense. I too felt this was a “toilet seat up” type problem and things went a little deeper than simple jealousy/self esteem issues. I know change is not something she has an easy time with. So here’s our experience with therapy. I’m more of a proponent of the process than she is. We started in couples therapy about 2 years ago. The therapist we had was crap. She would yawn the whole time and talked like you would a friend and not a professional. This being our first venture into therapy we came to the conclusion that she was just trying to make us feel comfortable and that was more of a style and not just a crap therapist. About a month in she was doing her usual yawning feigning interest thing when she says “Sorry I’m so tired today. The couple in here before you guys bored me to death. The husband wouldn’t stop talking about stupid airplanes. I wouldn’t want to stay with him either.” That’s when my wife stopped believing in therapy. I went back myself and had a wonderful therapist who really helped me break down my life’s path and for the first time really work on my issues instead of drinking them away. My wife really needs therapy but I have a tough time convincing her that it works. She sees the difference in me but that’s not enough to convince her to go even though she’s suffering through pretty heavy depression.
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50
Need advice from a female
by CADSkin inlong story short.
ive been married for 18 years to my beautiful wife.
when i was younger i had a lot of attention due to my looks which has always made me extremely uncomfortable.
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CADSkin
Ballistic: I just turned 38. We were married very young and dated for 2 years before that. I have a feeling that even though I'm pretty good and screwed up I sought help for my issues and have dealt with them. Like I said I was very angry and surly. I'm not the same person anymore. She says I've become more cold emotionally but inside I feel stronger than ever and I was a wreck before. I'm confident and try new things that I never would have imagined doing before. With her anger towards me and her dealing with my depression I can't suggest she go to therapy to deal with her childhood or with her feelings towards me or it becomes "My issues were caused by you". She had a very odd childhood as a JW but she doesn't see it. I wish she would go into therapy but I think it needs to be her idea. I understand we have a lot to work on but why would our relationship problems only manifest themselves in this avenue only as at all other times we laugh and have a good time. We never fight. She does have jealousy issues with her parents relationship with her other siblings. I think this is the last post I get today, being new and all.
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50
Need advice from a female
by CADSkin inlong story short.
ive been married for 18 years to my beautiful wife.
when i was younger i had a lot of attention due to my looks which has always made me extremely uncomfortable.
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CADSkin
Problemaddict: I love Yoga and I've heard a lot of good things about Crossfit. We were doing Bikram Yoga for a while there and she just never felt comfortable in a group setting. Agree 100% on vegetarian vs health. I know plenty of vegetarians who eat like crap. If I bring weight loss into a conversation with her I'm afraid she'll take it the wrong way. Instead I just encourage her and invite her to come with me.
Ballistic: Same here. Introspection into your own life is tough so I thought I'd bounce it off others. We've had a rocky past but this feels unrelated to how our relationship has gone for the last few years. I try and laugh it off when she says it but then I'm not taking her seriously. I take it seriously and then it becomes confirmation. Catch 22.
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50
Need advice from a female
by CADSkin inlong story short.
ive been married for 18 years to my beautiful wife.
when i was younger i had a lot of attention due to my looks which has always made me extremely uncomfortable.
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CADSkin
I'd like to thank everyone for the advice. It seems like I just need to work on a little more positive focus on her while making more activity based dates for us and the kids. Thankfully I have a built in babysitter at home so we turn every Saturday into Saturdate. Again, I'll try and implement as many of your suggestions as I can and let you know how they worked out.
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50
Need advice from a female
by CADSkin inlong story short.
ive been married for 18 years to my beautiful wife.
when i was younger i had a lot of attention due to my looks which has always made me extremely uncomfortable.
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CADSkin
"CADSkin, do you notice these women giving you attention, or is it more like your good wife is noticing it first?" I notice it sometimes but it makes me so uncomfortable. I used to go to a Starbucks every morning and just made chit chat with the people working there. Nothing more than Good morning and have a nice day but my wife came in with me once and after that the girls working there would not look at me. It was strange. I'm not even close to a flirtatious preson and you could say I was downright surly before I went into therapy. I'm not even really a talker and most of the time I'm just real quiet.
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50
Need advice from a female
by CADSkin inlong story short.
ive been married for 18 years to my beautiful wife.
when i was younger i had a lot of attention due to my looks which has always made me extremely uncomfortable.
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CADSkin
^^I'll check that website out. Thanks.
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50
Need advice from a female
by CADSkin inlong story short.
ive been married for 18 years to my beautiful wife.
when i was younger i had a lot of attention due to my looks which has always made me extremely uncomfortable.
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CADSkin
So out of all the suggestions, are you going to implement any of them? Of course. I'm just trying to give the whole story without writing a book. I'm not being dismissive but trying to give more focus to the picture so people can better understand where I'm coming from.