Steve Hassan made a great point at his cult seminar in CA last spring. IF we can find a way to visualize the person opposite us even in a different time era - then use that visualization to find a way to communicate....or at least find peace.
For instance, he has a father who was very aloof with him (most likely a reason he was open to the Moonies.) Even after leaving the Moonies, he couldn't find a way to really communicate with his father. He visualized him as a young boy (at whatever age son was comfortable communicating with his father's image) - and mentally communicated that way, using visualization.
I had a major problem with that and was bold enough to argue the point with him.....what if your father (my father) was our major enemy and we didn't WANT to communicate. Hassan held his stance - but didn't realize that I was talking about personal sexual abuse. The idea upset me so much, I had to leave, hiding as usual, having a semi-panic attack....and my lovely husband, as usual, found me, and gave comfort.
Thankfully there was a therapist in the audience who could see where Hassan was - and where I was mentally/emotionally. As soon as we came back in, I talked about it privately with her - and she made a brilliant observation.
1. Hassan was suggesting make a communication bridge with someone who's not a sworn enemy - but had issues with.
2. Hassan never mentioned trying to mend communication with Rev. Moon - his sworn enemy.
There's a quiet, yet brilliant (imho), movie called Antwon Fisher - based on true story. Please rent it?
The psychiatrist dealing with him (due to major anger issues) suggests he finds his mother who abandoned him. He does. But in order to do that, he has to come into contact with two women who sexually and physically abused him most of his childhood.
The way he interacts with his mother and these women is the crux of this issue, imho. I won't give away the ending...............but it's well worth viewing. A lot of thinking material.
There are all kinds of ways of establishing boundaries, and freedom of some boundaries.
Take care.
waiting