Wounded Heart
Joinedfirst a few links: "Story of Wounded Heart" post: . http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=4065&site=3&page=3 ********* My Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) thread: . http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=4905&site=3 ************ 1. 34, female, 1 younger brother (never baptised), 1 father (inactive jw who still goes on sundays), lost mom to cancer (jw). my biggest disappointment in my life: i cannot bare children. ive always wanted to go thru being pregnant and feel how it is to have life growing inside you. but i cannot. this hurts deeply. i still would like to be a mom tho. 2. raised in jwdom since age 4. baptised at 19. stopped going to meetings 3/4yrs ago. just in past 4-6mos am i now realizing how jwdom is a cult. because of this board and a recent post on "rebaptism" i have gained a new freedom: the realization that my baptism was/is invalid! what a free feeling!!!!! thank you!!! now if i could just give up the fear i live with regarding jws. also: i feel like im just now waking up and seeing myself for the 1st time in all these years. i find it hard to define who i am without the jwdom connection. but i am learning. 3. just this past week i told my brother that if it were to come to it then they should give me blood. this is a BIGGIE. i dont know what there is in store for people/civilization. like someone else said...if God choses me fine. if not, then he isnt someone i wish to serve anyway. course im also pissed that hes let things get this bad with wts molesters n all.4. im a survivor (sexual, emotional, mental, physical abuse). as a result of abuse i am also DID/MPD. im PROUD to be DID/MPD! i am creative and smart--these traits helped me create the DID alters for survival. it was the only way to survive. and survive i did. my abuse is family/friends of family oriented. 5. im single, searching for my soulmate. but just now starting the search. because of jw upbringing i never dated. ive NEVER been on a date. ive NEVER kissed anyone. this bothers me alot. i just recently answered a personal ad...do you know how WEIRD it sounds to tell someone you are a 34, never dated or kissed virgin? it makes for funny looks. one thing tho: i am soooo grateful that i never married a jw!!! SOOO GRATEFUL!!!! i would be very unhappy and prob still a jw.6. i love to be naked. it is my preferred state when alone in the house. it is such a free feeling. :o) ive slept naked since seeing the episode of "Eight is Enough" when Nicholas burns down the house (by accident) and it took Nancy a longer time to get out of the house. her reason: she had to stop to put clothes on. ever since then (i was about 16) i have slept naked. 7. i brush my teeth in the shower....much more fun.8. things gained thru my new freedom: A. my brother-i am no longer the "judging jw" that put a strain on our friendship. we are now best friends.B. a different best friend of mine is a lesbian. that would never have happend if i was still a "judging jw".C. I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!!! (this will be my 3rd). I LOVE BIRTHDAYS!!!!!! im finally enjoying life! D. i enjoy cussing (this brings delight to my inside kids--they love it).E. i can finally enjoy a dirty joke with out feeling guilty. LOL9. i have a great, albeit strange, sense of humor. i love card and board games; i kick ass at scrabble!; puzzles; word puzzles; country music; all kinds of music cept rap, heavy metal and opera; i love the theater; reading (HARRY POTTER RULES!!!! and all sorts of books); i love my computer; watching tv (favs are ER, CSI, Judging Amy, Dateline, 20/20, among others); i love romantic, scary, comedy, drama movies; i love cats; want a golden retreiver someday; i LOVE THE OCEAN!!!!; i love my family and friends; the color purple; i collect keychains (almost 300 now). 10. i still have nightmares in which im surrounded by jws. normally in a convention setting. i feel very unsafe except for the fact that i am always with a "worldly" friend from high school. this worldly friend is what saves me from all those jws cutting me down n "eating" me alive--they wont come near me because of the worldly friend im with. this is a regular nightmare--as many as 3/4 times a week. very involved. the worse jw is sister elders wife who (in real life) always wants to know if im healed yet and when is she going to see me at meetings again. 11. A. i try my darndest to be a good person. im caring, kind, funny, loving, huggy, creative, loyal, smart, (not in any particular order) person who wishes she could save her others from pain.11. B. all interested men can email me at email above......;o) you must have the 3 H's: Humor, Humility, and HUGABILITY!(from "get a life -- 10 facts" thread: . http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=10768&site=3&page=8)